Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, author/podcaster/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. I think they'll work for you, too. For all the tools I offer, check out YayWithMe.comWhat I share is my personal opinion and not a diagnosis for treatment. I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1.Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.comPrevious intro music by www.FurnivalMusic.com
This was inspired by a friend of mine saying, “I’m not too many steps from a crazy person.”
That really resonated with me – because it’s true. When life unravels, it’s really easy – and rapid – to get to a point of being completely leveled. Where we have no tools, where we are grasping, begging, underfoot, feeling desperate and worthless. Or crazy. Or like a mess, like life is a mess – like we fucked everything up. No one loves us, etc. So this is a preventative episode about “building your mental house right” – and you’ll hear more about that in the episode. I hope you enjoy!
The book I talk about in this episode that I recommend if you are curious (but unsure) about therapy is here:
As with all my episodes – take what helps and leave the rest. I am not a doctor or a professional of any kind. I am a regular person who wants to help. You know you best.
If you liked this episode and you would like to make a donation to support this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com and click donate or visit Patreon.com/SarahMayB xo!!
Hi friends!! Apologies for the lag in postings…I have had some super intense hours as of late. But it will lighten up very soon. This is an episode all about the deeper and perhaps more logical causes of depression and anxiety. It’s inspired by a book I just read – which is BRILLIANT. Link at the bottom of the notes.
Here’s the gist: Depression and anxiety are both forms of disconnection. We are cut off from things we need as humans – they are basic needs that we don’t realize we have. Because we live in the bubble of culture! You don’t realize how much that culture affects your world view and your habits; the thoughts and feelings you about yourself. If you want to do an experiment to see how conditioned you are by the various facets of culture, I invite you to watch a movie from 10 years ago. We don’t realize the messages we are receiving all the time and the power of those messages.
A lot of our cultural depression is a literal mourning of consistent life experiences that we are meant to have– things that are vital to our baseline as humans. These needs aren’t being properly recognized, addressed, and or processed. I think – because a lot of people don’t know how REAL and NECESSARY they are! Back in the day, life was kind of set up around these basic needs – we had smaller villages where everyone had a role, and you were close to your family. Community networks kind of sustained everyone in these really core human needs. The isolation that we now experience – paired with the focus on external possessions really keeps us all in a state of chasing.
So if you are struggling with a sense of chronic emptiness and you cannot see a logical cause, this episode is for you. And more importantly – this book is for you – it’s called “Lost Connections.”
For more of my work, to send comments, or make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com – and as with all my episodes – take what helps and leave the rest!! I am not a professional. I’m just a gal who wants to help.
Hi peeps, this is a way to make sure you’re keeping yourself functioning at an optimal level – and not getting stuck in a stressed/triggered state or a low/depressed state. It’s basically how to widen your capacity for resiliency via grounding yourself in moments you are getting out of whack. This one is based on a lengthy training I had and it’s meant to be done in person - one-on-one, so hopefully it translates somewhat! If you need more information about this one, please let me know and I’ll post a part 2.
For more of my work or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
This is for anyone who get triggered around a family member or other person in their life, but you have decided that you want to continue to be around this person – despite this trigger. So really – these are management tools for tolerating these interactions. This is from a listener who has to endure some triggers around a family member. When this person is there, they feel drained and irritated – so these are some tools for a similar situation. This is a very difficult (and sadly, common) experience – the gist is how to manage the experience of being around a triggering person if you’re still working on your shit in therapy. As with all my episodes – three parts: What, why and how the tools.
If you’d like to see more of my writing or make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
Ways to represent your best self in work and in life. Tips for asking for a raise, evolving within your workplace and growing your confidence professionally. This is more geared toward individuals who work within a company versus being your own boss.
For more of my work head to YayWithMe.com xo!
Here's a good article on things to think about before having a raise/promotion conversation with a boss:
You might not realize that you are a perfectionist. You might just think you have a high bar and believe in excellence. A lot of perfectionists think that there’s nothing wrong about their high standards. And I would agree with them – unless you are robbing yourself of health, wellness, and happiness. By that I mean – are you unknowingly running yourself into the ground? OR are you possibly robbing yourself of enjoyment and balance in life? Perfectionism is like a helmet you wear through life because it alters your experience of everything: it alters how you feel, how you behave, and what you can appreciate.
As with all my episodes – remember I am a regular person. No degrees or expertise. This is just my opinion, so take what helps and leave the rest!
To make a donation and to see more of my work head to YayWithMe.com xo!
This is a powerup for anyone who is burned out or about to be burned out – currently getting super overwhelmed by their schedule and they’re starting to freak out. A lot of the reason we start to freak out is we get stuck in a state of anticipation: we start to foreshadow negative consequences, imagining how bad something will be – we actively live suffering in our minds. What I want to remind you of is your actual physical moment is quite different. When you are stressed out and overwhelmed in this actual moment – it looks very different.
If you want to make a donation or check out more of my work visit YayWithMe.com xo!
This is for anyone who is struggling with attempting to control others and/or obsessing about things in their own life, for example predicting future events and what they can do about them. The best part of this episode is def the tools! So if you're curious and also impatient, skip to part 3 - the tools. This is a request from a listener– it’s somewhat related to the self-sabotage podcast. The listener pointed out that when you are self-sabotaging you are attempting to control what will be – because the anxiety is too great. Once you know this is happening for you, how do you let go of the future and stop trying to control it? It’s a toughy, but I’m going to do my best!
The audiobook I mention in this episode can be found here:
For comments, to make a donation or to read more of my work, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
This is for anyone out there who is dating and they are struggling with letting go of the people who don’t text you back. It’s also for anyone who is dating someone you think you really like – and because of the rarity of that, you’re freaking the fuck out because you don’t know what to say or do and you don’t want to misstep. So – it’s for the mind-boggling stage of dating where nothing makes sense and there seems to be no structure or logic and you feel like a crazy person with no power. And every decision is decided by the focus group that is your friend group. This one is for Ty (‘s friend). Hope this helps! As with all my podcasts take what helps and leave the rest. xo
If you are in this demographic and you’re struggling I recommend reading these two books–
(at least) the first 3 chapters of this:
And this (but replace pronouns where appropriate):
If the tone turns you off, I get it! But I would read it/listen to it regardless because it’s a good synthesis of very basic/clear information.
To make a donation or to find more of my work, visit YayWithMe.com xox!
Do you feel like you lost all power and autonomy in your new relationship? Are you always wrong, apologizing, groveling? Does it feel like you’re on drugs because of how intoxicating this person is? Do you obsess about them and yet you also kind of loathe dating them? Then you might be in a relationship with a narcissist. This is inspired by a listener and I thought it might be helpful to someone out there. And heads up - this is all information that is widely available out there on the interwebs so if you want to know more, give it a quick google – there are tons of resources. Here are a few books that I like if you want to dive deeper:
And a book recommended by a listener (which I haven't read yet, but looks promising):
To make request, see more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com xo
A reflection process for guiding your life versus your life living you. Happy New Year! I wanted to invite all of you to do a check in with yourself and your life – to see if you are happy, and specifically whether or not you are living it with the right “ratio.” Think of this like a screentime analysis of your life. I want you to grab your journal because we are going to reflect on specifics of what makes you the happiest.
There are 3 parts. The first part is a journal reflection with 10 questions.
The second part is an assignment to ensure you’re starting 2019 off on the inspired foot.
The third part is a strength-building exercise for maintaining your best self. I hope you enjoy!
If you’d like to check out more of my work or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com
This is a combo Q&A episode all about how to deal with the pain and courage needed to deal with a breakup. Four people had questions about leaving a relationship and struggling with that decision. The questions are as follows:
>> How can especially sensitive people stand by their decision to leave a relationship and resist urges to go back and try harder?
>> What are some healthy ways to deal with intense nostalgia when it strikes and convinces you that you left a perfect relationship?
>>Despite knowing this person is not right for me, my brain goes into survival mode and has this insane desperation to continue to reach out and repair. Also is hard to see red flags when you’re in it; hindsight is 20/20
>>Is it possible to stop loving someone when you don’t want to love them anymore?
I already consciously decided to leave the relationship I’m currently in but the thought of actually initiating a break up literally sounds like the worst thing ever.
The book I think will help that I mention during the episode can be found here:
For more of my writing, to make a donation and to purchase The Break-Up Album, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
In this episode I answer the audience question: Do you any tips on what to do about "social anxiety" around applying for a new job? I get overwhelmed every time I apply, feeling that I’m not enough and that I’ll hate the job when I get it…
For helpful resources around this issue check out this book:
And for skills around this issue, check out this book:
For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo
Hi friends, in this Q&A episode I answer just one question from a college student about how to accept yourself when you're not feeling confident in life. So if you're starting out in your adult life and you feel like a fraud, this is for you! If you want to check out more of my writing or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com and have a happy holiday xo!
This is a biggie, and the subject is not simple - however, I am going to try and chip off a small piece of the iceberg that is the issue of disordered eating. Because disordered eating is rampant in today’s society! It’s like the more we focus on ourselves, the more we pick those selves apart, and the more disconnected from our bodies and what they need, we become. What I’m covering is how to begin the process of conquering a binge-eating disorder – whether that’s just binging or binging and purging. I think it will still apply to you if you suffer from any disordered eating but it’s a request from someone asking specifically about binging. If you are on the fence about whether or not this episode will apply to you – I’ll ask you this: Are you trapped in a cycle of obsession that occupies a majority of your time and worry? Are you constantly fixated on the scale? Do you find yourself constantly needing to exercise for fear you won’t burn enough calories today?
Are you living your life – or is the routine of thinking and feeling and worrying, living you? If you feel like you have a fulltime job called monitoring-my-body, then I think you’ll get something out of this episode. A few links from the episode…
A few books I would like to recommend if you do suffer from this issue:
A doctor who works with (and has cured) people who suffer from diabetes:
This is a power-up episode just to invite you all to become familiar with the mind machine. The “computer” that helps us, keeps us driven and safe – but at times also hurts us – in that it reduces us to a base-level self. That self that feels small and wounded when we feel slighted, or mean and bitey when we feel judgmental. The goal of this is really just to become familiar with its tendencies so that you might you’re your choices despite it when it is not serving you.
By "it" I mean your inner narrative. Because yes, you are a thinking being – but you are much more than your thoughts. Your thoughts are a thing that happens to you in you’re your body. You are the passive observer behind them. When we are overly identified with our thoughts – this can bring about a lot of pain. It’s much less painful when we can remind ourselves in the moment that it’s optional – and dis-indentify with the thinking in that moment.
SO here’s what this power-up is. An explanation combined with a series of thought-exercises to do so you can get to know your ego as an entity separate from yourself.
This is for the person who got ghosted, not the person who ghosts. Contrary to how it feels, a lot of thought can go into ghosting. It could be something that someone debates and replays in their mind for weeks on end. The decision to ghost comes from a very specific place. It’s not “I don’t care at all” it’s more, “I don’t know what to say…”
As in all my episodes, there are three parts – the what, why and how – the tools. This one’s for Bryan!
For more of my work including the blog versions of my podcasts, head to YayWithMe.com
To make a donation you can visit YayWithMe.com/donate or find me on Patreon.com/SarahMayB
This is for anyone who’s in the throws of getting over a really toxic and yet, addictive relationship. I would otherwise call it the rock bottom part of your relationship loop. Maybe you’ve known this was not a good relationship for you for a very long time but you were always too terrified to leave it. Yet now that you’re mid-escape, you feel crippled by the intense pain that’s been brought on by it. If that sounds like you – first of all I want to say – get to a therapist’s office, stat. This can be a really scary thing to go through without support. Now of all times, it can be really helpful to even try meds to take the edge off. If you feel like you can’t handle your sich – dial 9-11. That’s the simplest tool.
And second, know that this will not be forever – even though that’s what your feelings tell you, right now. It’s just gonna suck for a little while. You’re in the thick of it, right now. The only way to move is up. Here are some tools to help you start heading there.
The book (The Five Second Rule) I mentioned in this episode can be found here:
For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
Hi peeps! This is an oldy but a goody. I posted this on my blog like 6 years ago but since someone requested, I thought I would throw it out again and also do the challenge myself. This is appropriated from a TedTalk by Shawn Achor - if you want to hear more about it you can watch that here:
For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com
Join me - this is my Day 1! xoxoxo!
Hi friends, this is a special power-up episode – it’s basically a list of my favorite and most frequently used tools as of late. I’m just going go through them in list format. If you’re in need of some tools for happiness, compassion, self-awareness, confidence, and energy-tuning – this is an episode for you. For anyone interested, here are the books and authors I mentioned:
A book where you can find more of John Gottman’s principles:
A book about Loving What Is:
A book for fun and joy-tuning by Pam Grout:
If you want to check out more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
In this episode I talk about why people are afraid of intimacy and commitment – and I do it for both sides of the relationship: the fearers and the chasers. So this is for anyone who was in a happy in a relationship and then their partner started distancing as soon as things got close. It’s ALSO for anyone who can’t seem to stay in a committed relationship and you don’t know why you find yourself bailing as soon as someone starts to like you. This is something I see often in my One-on-One’s and I thought it warranted a podcast episode. And because I am directing this at two audiences, I jump back and forth between who I am identifying with. So sorry in advance if that gets annoying. I don’t want one side to feel left out. As per usual there are three parts: the what, why and how the tools.
To make a donation and see more of my writing head to YayWithMe.com
My references and your recommended reading:
The Self-Sabotage Cycle
Men Who Can’t Love
Hi friends, today I answer two questions – the first is about dealing with a partner who has boundary issues with a person who is infatuated with them. The second is about dealing with unrequited love – basically, how to confront saying goodbye to someone if you’re friends and in love with them. If you’d like to ask a question or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
This is for anyone who feels not good enough, like a failure. Maybe you feel like you wasted your life, money, time, heart, career, 20’s, 30’s, fill in the blank. This feeling of not knowing who you are – not knowing why you’re behind everyone else, why you can’t seem to build a life that makes you happy – and it comes with an itchy state of discomfort with self. A constant narrative of self-judgment – the voice that isolates you and makes you feel worthless and like you need to escape social situations or at the very least have something expensive or exotic to talk about otherwise everyone will see what a loser you are. Maybe you’re one of those people who feels like their skin is crawling when they’re around happy and beautiful people: you look at other people and think – they’re so much skinnier, smarter, funnier, happier or ____than I am. Whatever the voice in your head says, this one's for you if you're hating on yourself and your life path. For more of my work and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com ! xo
Today I answer two audience questions: the first from a guy who caught his BF sexting on Grindr, and he doesn’t know how to move forward. The second, a girl who got ghosted by her love of her life right after semi-losing her job – now she’s overwhelmed and panicking about life and where to go from here. Hang in there guys - I hope this helps and the book I mention for Fred is linked below:
For more of my writing and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com
This is all about how to deal with the loss of a person who has been very difficult in your life: the pros and cons of getting “closure” and if that’s right for you. Hi friends, today I am talking with one of my besties, Leila, about loss and impending loss – and basically, how to prepare yourself mentally for the loss of someone you have a lot of mixed feelings about. I am going to loosely structure this in 3 parts – since it’s more of a conversation. So in short, a relationship you have protected yourself from – because it’s toxic, and now you have to deal with the fact that you are losing this person – and that brings up all the unfinished shit from growing up. Hope it helps!! If you have any questions, or to make a donation, you can find me at YayWithMe.com xo!
Hi peeps! This is a “Digital Diet Challenge” all about creating mental space for yourself and checking any harmful habits you might have around smartphones and social media. I challenge everyone to take a stab at this. I want to preface this by saying this isn’t about removing smartphones and social media – it’s just about becoming aware of how you are feeling in reaction to it. I hope this helps! For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo!
The study I mentioned is here:
A podcast about this topic is here:
This is for anyone who’s going through a stage in life when they are necessarily dealing with a shit-storm of really difficult responsibilities. Like life has demanded you put yourself on “managing mode” and you have to take care of others for an extended period of time. Or maybe you can’t attend to your normal self-care routine and haven’t been able to for a while, and you’re barely just dealing with the day to day – as of now. This is really for you to listen to, to remember yourself and remember where you are and feel your own hands and feet and feel okay. And more importantly – ways to take a breather and check in with yourself, in the hopes of bringing a tiny bit more balance back into the equation. This one was a request from a listener from a while back - hope it helps!
For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon.com/SarahMayB xo!
Hi friends! This one’s about building healthy friendships and relationships and how do you know if a relationship is healthy or toxic. This one’s for Heather! This is a great topic, it’s something I had to think long and hard about at one point in my life so I made you all a list of what to look for. For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com
xo Sarah May B.
In this episode I answer three different audience questions. The first, how to stop obsessing about a person after a single date – and the other person doesn’t want you back. Second, how to deal with feeling empty and lost – like the shell of a person. Third, how to stop forcing instant closeness with new friends – including oversharing. This one’s for: “Hijacked with infatuation,” “Lost” and “Instant Besty.” The links I mention in this episode include:
The book The Depression Cure: http://amzn.to/2F9PCPv
The fish oil I take in DHA: http://amzn.to/2tecCvb
and EPA: http://amzn.to/2oIX1iH
The Lily Pad podcast episode:
And to make a donation or read the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com xo! Sarah May B.
This is a request I got from a couple of female listeners, and I address their issue directly – so heads up, this is based on hetero relationships between a guy and a girl and the guy is the one who doesn’t want to have sex. That said, I believe you can translate this to your partnership based on the traits you share with the examples I will discuss. If you want to know more about something I do not address, reach out with an email and I’ll tack it onto the next episode (email@example.com). Most importantly, know that this is not intended to be reductive to anyone or their lifestyle – it’s meant to be helpful. Also, there’s not a whole lot of reading on this subject that I could find, so if you have some recommendations, please also reach out and lmk! I will announce up front that this deals with gender roles and therefore it’s going to generalize. I know that in my reading I found myself getting angry at several valid ideas. I am not trying to make anyone feel worse, OR tell you what is “right” “correct” or “normal” for a man and woman to be, obvi – so if you feel offended by things that reinforce gender roles, take what helps and leave the rest! End of disclaimer!
If you want to make a donation or to read the blog versions of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon.com/SarahMayB – thanks! xo
Listen to this one with your journal in-hand! This is similar to the one I gave last year, but it’s basically a super fun journal exercise to help you focus your attention on what you love and want more of in the new year, moving forward. And yes – it’s intentionally not something I posted new years day! Hope you enjoy it!
If you want more of my writing or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com
In honor of the new year, this is all about finding your passion – facing feelings of anxiety and anticipation about the future and also what factors to consider when choosing a career path. This one is for Seema and Aja. Thanks for the topic suggestion!
“The Passion Test” book I mentioned is here:
The slashies episode I mentioned is here:
The Freakonomics episode I mentioned is here:
For more of my writing and to make a donation head to YayWithMe.com
Hi friends, in this episode I answer two questions. One: "How do you trust your gut if you struggle with anxiety and perfectionistic overthinking - if your thinking gets you into messes all the time? Should you believe what other people say about you - even if you don't agree with them?" Two: "How do you stop focusing on the expectations of others, while in a relationship? I find that I neglect my needs and often focus on what I think I should do to make another person happy." For more of my work and to make a donation visit YayWithMe.com
The Melodie Beattie book I mention in this episode is here:
The podcast I mentioned is here:
This is for anyone who is coping with the aftermath of finding out they have an STD and what that means for you as an individual. There are some great articles on this topic – some from people who seem to be super successfully living with STD’s. I will link to those in the blog version of this post, all of which live on YayWithMe.com – along with The Break-Up Album – a breakup coach in a podcast album.
There are some tools about how to have that conversation with a potential partner. How to still believe you have a chance at finding your happy with a partner. I wanted to also cover the side of this topic that has to do with your personal feelings about yourself. Because I think that’s one of the hardest parts. How we change this moment into a major meaningful milestone that somehow redefines who we are.
This one is for a listener. Thank you for request! It’s a great one. With that there are 3 parts: the what, why and how – the tools!
This is an episode answering two questions – the first: how do you deal with real fears and awareness of imminent pain, for example – the pain of a future loss of a loved one, or the fear over the current situation in the world. The second question: how do you deal with the pain of wanting someone who has broken up with you multiple times. Is it okay to go on Tinder and hookup with other people – just to help get over them?
For more of my writing, to make a donation and to purchase The Break-Up Album, head to YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B.
How to take constructive criticism well, specifically, when it comes to creative endeavors. That means hearing it, taking it in and doing something with it, without it triggering you emotionally – which can change what the criticism means to you. Like when you feel you should defend yourself, or you automatically feel like a failure, or your desire to please the person outweighs the creative truth. So if you are a creative of any kind and you have a hard time hearing constructive criticism this one’s for you!
This is a topic request and heads up it has some baby ambient noise as it’s recorded from my maternity leave. This one’s for Catherine. Thank you for the request and your generous donation. It’s truly how I am able to do this work. People like you. xo
For more of my work or to make a donation you can visit Yaywithme.com
This is a power-up for ambivalence about a big life decision – like leaving a relationship, trying a new career or having a baby! This is a power-up episode structured like a conversation between you and me. This is about how to decide whether or not to have a baby, but I also think it could apply to any issue. So if you’re on the fence about kids and you’re running out of time – this is for you. And I know that this is a polarizing topic – so if you listen to this, know that it’s a personal opinion, not a "should" – and i do not believe my opinion is better than others. So don’t take offense to anything I say and if it doesn’t feel right for you, leave it. It has the potential to bring up some weird feelings in some people – especially if you have issues with childhood and parents – so that is my big fat caveat. Heads up - this topically leans more toward women!
For more of my writing or to make a donation, check out Yaywithme.com xo!
This is about when life becomes unmanageable – for example there’s a condition that threatens your sanity and it gets to the point that you are in serious discomfort. This is when you are feeling hopeless and overwhelmed and in a state of action-paralysis. When you don’t know how to help yourself, you are in a state of fretting. Feeling overwhelmed and unable to think past how bad things are. So if you are in that state – feeling dread and hopelessness, this is for you.
Hopefully the short increment will allow it to be applicable to you in those moments – so first things first. I want you to grab a paper and a pen. From this moment right now, you cannot see the solution but no matter how bad things are or have been for a long time – something that will help – exists. Part of the paralysis is believing in the sense of hopelessness because when actions don’t impact your outcome repeatedly, we learn to believe it. We believe it’s hopeless until it’s not. The trick is to take the pain ONE notch down from what you’re in now.
When it comes to really dire, hopeless situations – chronic ones, you need dramatic big change. More than a simple tweak. More than a podcast. You need a big leap. You can’t do this all on your own – you need to involve reinforcements.
Today’s podcast is dedicated to Catherine. Catherine your donation has literally changed my life – I hope I am able to repay you in some small way.
For more of my work or to make a donation, visit YayWithMe.com xo Sarah May B.
A shorthand version of changing a trauma or hurt from a scar into a medal. I’ve covered this in other episodes but I thought it would be helpful in this format - it's condensed for in-the-moment application. I used these steps myself recently and it works!
So this is if anyone has had something really traumatic happen to them that hurts them and you can tell it’s one of those sore spots that makes you cry really hard. I want you to practice these steps around that experience as soon as it has happened. It will likely have to do with your powerlessness in the face of something excruciating – and your inability to change that.
For more of my work including the blog version of this podcast, head to YayWithMe.com
To donate head to Yaywithme.com/donate
When we don’t feel safe, we tend to panic. Especially if you lack the innate knowledge that you will be okay. So when external events happen that take our sense of safety away – it can lead you into a state of intense suffering that then deepens into a state of hopelessness. This is when external hardship is really damaging. However – you can foster an innate sense of resilience – by practicing steps and thoughts despite yourself. So if you are in that state, of if you want to preempt it – here are some steps for you to take.
If you want to read more of my writing, to make a donation, and for more helpful resources, check out YayWithMe.com
Today I have to honor of speaking with Billy Merritt, actor, writer, improviser– and one of the founding fathers of The Swarm at The Upright Citizens Brigade, an improv comedy theater and school, well known in LA and NY. Today we are going to talk about lots of things – but in particular, how the tools of improv can help you be more present and comfortable in your own skin on and off the stage. For more about Billy, check out The Smokes - Monday at UCB Franklin in Los Angeles or The Swarm, the first Saturday of every month at UCB Sunset, or find him on Twitter @BillyMerritt
Heads up! We got cut off during our first recording session so you'll hear the sound change as we pick back up about half way through. Sorry if we repeat a few things - but I think you'll enjoy nonetheless!
To work with me or to find more of my writing and podcasts, check out Yaywithme.com
Hi friends, in this episode I answer 3 questions: what to do if you’re stuck and you can’t figure out what you’re passionate about. What to do when you are stuck in a pit of hopelessness and despair and you feel ashamed and can’t seem to get a break. What to do if you are stuck, depressed and you really don’t have any good friendships. I hope this gives you some relief! I know a lot of these issues are really big, chronic ones and the solutions will not be quick and easy – but if this was your question, I want to say whatever you do – don’t stop trying. I believe eventually you fill find your cocktail solution. It just takes persistence and a teaspoon of luck, which can be arrived at via trial and error. Xo Sarah May B.
For more of my writing, my one-on-one plans, my books and other resources check out YayWithMe.com
It’s hard to be yourself – it takes work. There’s a lot of emotional and thought clutter that gets in the way – especially when you are so wholeheartedly pursuing your best self! This is for anyone who’s been working on themselves and feeling like they’re not happy, not where they want to be, and stuck. Simple shifts in perspective and brain vs body balance can be the difference between lightness and darkness: like changing the channel in your brain when viewing your life.
For more of my podcasts and blogs check out YayWithMe.com xo!
In this episode I answer 3 audience questions: What do you do if you can’t stop focusing on your ex and whether or not they’re with someone new? Do we have multiple soul-mates and how do I know if I should fight for my ex? When can I start dating again if I went through a breakup 4 months ago? Got a question? LMK! firstname.lastname@example.org
If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness based therapies check out this book:
And if you want more research about how to be happier, check out this book:
And here’s a link to some helpful ways to stop obsessive thoughts:
And for more of my work including the blog version of my podcast, check out YayWithMe.com
This is for anyone who has a super tumultuous relationship with a sibling, one that that defies all logic. It’s to give you context for a lot of common sibling issues and also some tools for clarity and staying firmly balanced on the ground. Just a heads up, I am talking mostly about adult sibling rivalry – though you might gain something from this if you’re listening because of your kids. I will touch on how these conflicts are formed early on in life. For more of my writing head to https://www.YayWithMe.com and for my references for this episode check out:
A practice of getting closer to your original self. Analysis, ambivalence, endless "stuff." Checking, pursuing, not knowing if any of it is right. When will I finally be happy? When I finish this thing? But then there’s that other thing I have to do. Hi friends! This power-up is a set of tools all about trimming out the mental work we create for ourselves and getting closer to your playful, original self. That mental work that seems to go in circles. In favor of something deeper and possibly more rewarding. For more personal play and exploration - here are a few books I enjoyed. xo
Jung on dream analysis
Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu
Forgiveness is a monumental practice because it really guides a lot of what you believe in your life -about the world, love, relationships and also yourself. I’ve said this before but truly the reason to forgive is for you: because it’s kind of like being stabbed and then keeping that knife in your body. Forgiveness is something only you can decide you are ready to do, but it’s also something only appropriate in certain situations. It comes from a pure and genuine goal created for the right reasons, with all the practical information at hand. For example, you might want to forgive your ex for breaking your heart, but you can’t force that until you are ready to accept and move on. Another example of a situation that might be best left for processing but not forgiveness – is chronic abuse. This is a situation when we are likely to blame ourselves – so it’s really vital to lean into anger and claim that blame. When it comes to other deep wounds, when we prematurely choose to forgive it’s often because some part of us wants to skip over the pain of confrontation – looking at how bad we really hurt. When we want to forgive because the emotions associated with a certain event bring us BELOW the level of who we know we are, that is a mature and profound decision – one made from your highest self. This is something we all get to choose: basically, to align ourselves with who we know we are.
What I want to do with this episode is really pose that invitation in a way that might get you closer to the reality of processing or forgiving – or knowing where you need to place a hurt from your past.
Triumph of Heart
The science of forgiveness
Haven’t read this myself but this is by the guy who heads up the Stanford Forgiveness Project which does a lot of good research.
Contrary to popular belief, fights are not better talked out to the bitter end and happiness and intimacy are not the result of more loving couples. It really comes down to how you manage these perpetual fights. I want to give you the main reasons people end separating or remain happy and together - based a couple different disciplines of research. Because a lot of what is the most damaging, isn’t obvious or calculated by a person. It’s totally accidental.
When we have the same arguments and we start to get distant, it’s often because we don’t want to fight and we have a sense of dread around a repeated loop, so the distance is like a no-war zone between two foreign cultures. And the SHITTY news is when you get distant, your relationship is actually in the most trouble – because both parties are no longer demonstrating an investment in the bond. This is when you stop identifying as a couple and you start thinking in terms of me, the individual. And with that solo identity you start to focus on goals as an individual and not as a couple. Your focus redefines your past together as crappy – you see things from a personal interest standpoint. So if you guys are feeling distant and resentful, this is an episode for you!
Caveat: I want to stress that this is NOT for people with abusive partners. Domestic violence is not something that I recommend using these tools for – if you’re in an abusive relationship, my heart goes out to you. If you like this episode, check the Gottman Institute for more! A lot of this is from his work.
For more of my writing and the blog version of this post, check out Yaywithme.com (the blogs will be posted a bit later than the podcasts).
Couples counselor questionnaire:
How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It
John Gottman’s most popular book:
The Gottman Institute – all their good, short articles.
A book by the creator of Imago:
What to look for in a couples counselor:
This is for those who suffer gnar PMS. I know girls who don’t go out when they’re PMS-ing because of how dangerous it is for others. It can be confusing and rob you of yourself! I hope to give you some background info about how to prep for PMS– basically all the info I could find on the internet. If you’re a severe sufferer you likely know all this stuff, but hopefully something good or at least guilt-relieving will come out of this.
Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion on some preventative PMS - for the love of GOD, consult your doctor before taking any supplements. I'm not a nutritionist and I don't have any training in this area - of any kind. If anything, use this as a starting point for your own personal research.
Check out these references for more complete info:
Hi friends, this is a quickie Q&A episode answering three questions: What do you do when an ex keeps trying to come back into your life?! How do you deal with a depressed partner/friend who pushes you away? How to deal with being ghosted and positive ways to overcome it? If you're looking for more please reach out! xo Sarah May B. Here’s the Reco’d Reading I mentioned:
The Gift of Fear: http://amzn.to/2nMhwcL
The Depression Cure: http://amzn.to/2nPCEQX
Codependent No More: http://amzn.to/2oqPw16
Courage to Change: http://amzn.to/2orhFVw