The Overwhelmed Brain is here to help you increase your emotional intelligence, strengthen your self-worth and self-esteem, and empower you so that you can make decisions that are right for you. If you struggle with anxiety, depression, fears, stress, obsession, panic, or any relationship, marriage, emotional abuse, or family issues, this show empowers you to honor yourself and get into alignment with what's most important to you. If affirmations feel like lies and positive thinking feels like denial, tune into the show that gives you practical, down to earth advice to help you create the life you want. No more emotional abuse
The decisions that cause you to lose your power and keep you in a rut
Making decisions that are right for you involve some scary moments. Some of them are giant leaps of faith with no view of the landing. When you make these leaps, you reach a new level inside you that shows others that you care about yourself enough to take risks for your own empowerment.
This is an important episode if you find yourself in a rut of negativity.
When you don't even realize you're giving a free pass to bad behavior: The simple formation and difficult termination of codependent relationships
How do you enable the bad behavior of other people? What actions are you taking that are causing certain people in your life to show up in a way that is toxic or unhealthy?
It's very difficult to end codependent relationships, especially when you don't even realize you're in one. This is an important episode if you just can't seem to shake the unhealthy behavior of those close to you.
Dealing with those passive aggressive, negative, so hard to be around people that you just hope get it one day
Passive aggressive behavior is a way to convey anger and upset to someone indirectly. It takes the form of comments that are meant to hurt, but hard to spot as hurtful. They are forms of poisonous communication that can erode love and connection.
This episode will give you some tools to deal with passive aggressive behavior and general negativity.
BONUS re-release: When Panic Attacks - The Anxiety Episode
Anxiety is the excessive worrying about future events, based on a story that you tell yourself. However, it's hard to change the story when you actually believe it will happen.
On top of that, the more you believe it will come true, the more likely you'll experience a panic attack. Today I share with you how I've overcome anxiety and panic attacks. My methods may be a bit unorthodox, but you might be surprised how effective they are.
For help with your anxiety, visit quietbegins.com
Utilizing your dysfunctions to work for you instead of against you
Dysfunctions typically don't serve us, they usually get in the way. People pleasing, super perfectionism and responsibility, allowing personal boundaries to be crossed, and so many more behaviors can be obstacles to fulfillment and joy.
Some people go their entire lives without being able to get rid of their dysfunctions. So perhaps it's time to utilize them to your advantage and stop chasing the dream of "normal".
Criticisms and hurtful comments from others don't apply when you are in alignment with your inner compass
When someone puts you down by criticizing or making you feel bad, is their criticism accurate? Do you believe it to the point where you can't let it go?
When you get into alignment with yourself morally, ethically, and sometimes even legally, you feel good knowing you are doing the best you can. And when someone tries to come along and knock you down, your solid foundation will keep you up, or at least help you get on your feet faster.
When you can't enjoy life because you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop
It's hard to enjoy life if you are weighed down with the belief that something bad is going to happen. How can you appreciate today if you believe tomorrow will bring misery? There is a path to a better today. This episode will give you some tools to make that happen.
Wouldn't it be great to be able to release the negative feelings that come up after someone upsets you? Or after you do something stupid and start all that inner dialogue?
You shouldn't have to walk around for days or weeks carrying around the emotions you don't want. Learning to purge the unwanted emotions in the moment might make for an entirely different type of life altogether.
Wanting your partner to just stop doing that thing. Are Jealousy or other feelings creeping in?
What do you do when you're partner does something you don't like? Do you stay focused on their behavior and try to make them change it? Or do you shift your focus on what you can control and do what you can for yourself so that your partner can no longer use the excuse that you're giving them a hard time?
Jealousy, self-worth and self-esteem make an appearance in this episode. Sometimes the people we love do things we hate.
Dissolving love and connection by repressing thoughts and emotions with those you love
If you are driven by a fear of being alone and choose to repress your thoughts and feelings, avoiding conflict and trying to keep the peace, you'll find your relationships slipping into the abyss. The ones you are closest to should be the ones you can express anything to.
Is your compassion killing you? What you think is compassion could be self-destruction
If you show compassion toward someone who then takes advantage of that compassion, do you back off on being kind, helpful, and accommodating? Or do you try even harder by showing them even more compassion in hopes they will finally "see the light"?
In order for compassion to work, it has to come from an even deeper place of compassion in you... not for others, but for yourself.
When you're told to just accept your partner's emotional affair
If your partner were having an emotional affair, would you know it? What would happen if their ex came into the picture, and they shared laughs and quality time together, would it bother you?
Today is jam packed with a lot of lessons about this subject and many more relationship issues you may run into.
The regrets and upsets from the past that you just can't seem to get over
Do you have any regrets? Are you upset about your behavior or a loved one's behavior from long ago and just can't seem to get over it?
Who you were in the past doesn't equate to who you are today. If you are going to get past some of the regrets or upsets from the past, you need to learn to differentiate. This episode will tell you how.
Always Defending Yourself - Introduction to the Love and Abuse podcast
The Love and Abuse podcast is about poisonous communication and toxic behavior. This is a bonus episode on The Overwhelmed Brain feed just in case you haven't had a chance to tune into Love and Abuse. This episode is about always defending yourself with certain people. When you find yourself needed to constantly defend, it may be something that is being purposefully done to you. It's time to break that cycle.
If you want true happiness, you might have to do the scariest thing imaginable: Show up and express the most authentic version of yourself. That can be scary and difficult, and that's why it's important to address and figure out what it entails and how to do it.
Do you make small compromises with the people you love so that they will like or love you more? There are two ways to compromise: One has attached resentments, the other doesn't.
I'll give you one guess which method of compromise works better for the relationships in your life.
When you can't fully commit just in case there's something better
What if there's a better job or partner out there for you? Why in the world would you commit to what you have when there's a chance someone or something better could come along? Why commit to anyone or anything ever again when you are plagued with the fear that you may not have the best you could get?
I address the "What if?" game in a way that makes you think, so you can stop thinking "What if?"
Many fears you have can probably be traced back to a lack of knowledge or exposure. Overexposure to what you don't want creates fear. Underexposure to what you don't want also creates fear. So what does it take to become more fearless? More knowledge and exposure! If it were only that easy.
How family drama can teach you a lot about personal boundaries
hen your family has dysfunction, family gatherings can be quite a challenge. What do you do in the midst of family drama? Do you recoil and transform into the old, pre-personally-developed you? Or do you stand firm in who you are today and love then with your healthy boundaries?
Family is the final frontier of personal growth. You don't want to miss this episode.
Part 2 - Making decisions that are right for you and tackling obsession and overthinking once and for all
Part 2 of "Making decisions that are right for you and tackling obsession and overthinking once and for all". Obsessive thoughts and over analyzing can lead to terrible (or no) decision making causing you to stay in a rut that you can never get out of (or get out of really, really slowly). In this episode, I talk about what it takes to make decisions that are right for you so that you stay out of obsessive thinking and get back to a more efficient, more productive, more fulfilling life.
Making decisions that are right for you and tackling obsession and overthinking once and for all
Obsessive thoughts and over analyzing can lead to terrible (or no) decision making causing you to stay in a rut that you can never get out of (or get out of really, really slowly). In this episode, I talk about what it takes to make decisions that are right for you so that you stay out of obsessive thinking and get back to a more efficient, more productive, more fulfilling life.
Enduring the spotlight of humiliation, embarrassment and criticism
What can you do when you are getting humiliated or criticized? Are there practical methods of dealing with embarrassing situations? How about hurtful criticism? There's a lot to unpack here. This episode gets into the challenge of dealing with humiliation and criticism.
When a guilty conscious interferes with your decisions and keeps you unhappy
When a guilty conscience stops you from living a fulfilling life, it's time to do something about it. In part 1, I talk about an email I received from a woman who was in an emotionally abusive relationship and feels guilty because she thinks she may have been an abuser. In part 2, I talk about the steps you can take to go from guilt to great and why it's so important you release guilt as soon as possible.
Should you leave or stay in a toxic environment - Is it ever wrong to leave the toxic person, place or thing
When is the right time to leave that toxic person, place or thing? You can have a toxic job, you can live in a toxic city, you can be married to that toxic person, but do you leave? Should you leave? I address something that I believe plagues us all at one time or another.
What do you do about the freeloader hanging out taking advantage of your time, energy and money? How about people that just don't respect you? Do you care enough about yourself to make sure people don't treat you less than you deserve? An important episode if you have people in your life that just don't seem to care what you think.
Seven little habits that will change your life - special episode featuring Optimal Living Daily
Want to change your life? These habits may be just what you need to create the life you want. This is a small departure from your typical Overwhelmed Brain content because in this episode I introduce you to another podcast called Optimal Living Daily. OLD is like an audiobook where the hosts reads you personal growth articles every single day. One of the best things about Optimal Living Daily is that it comes at you from every angle because the articles are written by different people with different experiences. It's good to be exposed to all sorts of teachings so that you can come to your own conclusion on what works for you. Enjoy this bonus episode of TOB and subscribe to the Optimal Living Daily podcast to get more personal growth and development to improve your life.
More self-help variety - The origin of upset, standing up to loved ones, apologies and forgiveness, shame and anger around death and more
Lots more to explore in part two of the self-help variety show. What you are upset about has an origin from the past, exploring that can heal the present. Do you stand up to your family for your significant other? Is it a good idea? How do you handle apologies and forgiveness? Should you ask for forgiveness? What happens when you partner's child doesn't accept you in their life? What do you do with the feelings of shame and anger around someone's death? Lots to explore in this New Year's edition of TOB.
Self-help variety - Pushy people, jealousy, body image, self-worth, self-esteem, intrusive thoughts and more!
I answer several questions about overcoming jealousy, people that impose their values on you, self-worth and self-esteem, getting over insecurities about body comments, letting go of intrusive, distressing thoughts, expressing yourself and more! It's the variety episode on emotional intelligence.
Some careers just don't fit. You can be happy-ish, but not necessarily happy. Or, you could be downright miserable. I invite Scott Barlow from Happen to Your Career on the show to talk about what it takes to find a career you can be happy in AND successful.
Get Scott's free 8 day mini video course on figuring out what career fits you at https://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/career/
Second chances - How do you know if it's safe to take someone back into your life?
Do you give someone a second chance after there's been a conflict, toxic relationship, betrayal or something else that you swore you'd never do again? What are some positive signs that someone has changed and deserves a second chance? What should you look for? In this episode, I provide important, practical things to observe in someone who might deserve a second chance in your life.
Today's highlight is loveandabuse.com
How do you know if the relationship you're starting (or the relationship you're in) is everything you want it to be? How do you know you aren't getting led into yet another heartbreak? Learning the signs of a healthy, functioning, and even happy relationship is how you know whether the relationship is worth continuing or letting go.
As the holidays come around, you will likely meet up with family and friends. And you may also run into that toxic person or people that you don't look forward to seeing again. Dealing with toxic people requires a few tools so that you can make it through the evening or the week. This episode gives you those tools.
How many decisions do you make in your life that are actually based on what you want instead of how someone else will respond? Sometimes it takes a swift kick in the emotional behind to get moving on your decisions so that you can get out of the emotional rut of trying to please others while losing yourself.
The 'take care of you' episode: Showing up as the best version of yourself
What does it take to become the best version of you? What do you need to do for yourself so that you become more happy and more fulfilled?
This episode is all about you and what it takes to become the most supportive, compassionate person to yourself.
When you carry around an inability to be vulnerable, you can build up an emotional resistance increasing the negativity inside of you. When this happens, you end up living a life that isn't as happy or fulfilling as it could be. I explain this process in this episode.
Why don't people understand me? Taking responsibility for the meaning of your communication
It can be frustrating when someone doesn't understand what you're talking about. In fact, there are probably people in your life that you try to communicate with but keep ending up in arguments. In order to communicate with some people, you have to meet them where they are. That's what today's episode is about.
Silence is golden until it isn't. There are three main levels of silent treatment:
1. Processing time to figure out what you're going to do with what you just learned.
2. Cool down time as a way to regulate what might normally be a heightened response
3. A method to make someone you care about feel bad
I'll give you one guess which one I'm talking about in this episode.
Are you enabling the bad behavior of other people?
Do you enable behavior that you don't like? Is it possible that the people that cause you stress do so because you are allowing it in some way? This is a very important topic that may help you get your power back if you adopt and apply the message.
Social anxiety can be debilitating. In this bonus mini-episode, I talk about one way to start thinking about it differently so that it doesn't have such a grip on you.
Take the social anxiety survey at theoverwhelmedbrain.com/safe to share your experience. Survey closes November 2018.
I'm right you're wrong: The sides we take that create division and distress
If they're not like you, you don't like them. If you're not like them, they don't like you. You have opinions, so do they, but should your differences separate you and cause you so much stress that you would rather lose relationships than accept people for their differences? This is a full episode with many angles, everyone will get something from it.
Also, take the social anxiety survey at theoverwhelmedbrain.com/safe
Finding your true path so you don't end up living a false life
Trying to find happiness is hard enough, but trying to do it when other people are in your life (or are interfering with your life) is even harder. The first email I read is from someone who has a problem with his girlfriend smoking pot. He wants the relationship, but not the pot. The second email dives into how deeply religious parents might want to continue controlling you even after you leave the nest. This episode is all about finding your true path and making the decision to follow it.
Stop believing what hurtful people say to you: Transforming negative self-talk to empowerment
Hurtful people do a really good job of causing us to feel bad about ourselves. Not only that, we end up repeating what they said or did to us in our mind over and over again. The emotional trauma can last for months or years. In this episode I help transform the hurtful messages from others into empowering declarations that help us move on see them for who they really are.
How to avoid miserable relationships by knowing how to make better choices
When you end up in a miserable relationship, who's to blame? Do you feel powerless as the relationship gets worse and worse? It's vital to see the signs at the beginning, but it's even more important what you do later on when you are heavily invested.
If you're a commitment-phobe or someone who has trouble making and committing to decisions, you probably notice your life coming to a standstill more often than you want. The solution may be a simple change that's a challenge to implement, but could transform your life. It's time to tackle commitmentphobia.
When you get that suspicious feeling that a friend, family member or partner is doing something deceptive, do you investigate further or take their word when they say nothing is going on? When you have that gut instinct kicking in, it's time to listen and perhaps even dig a little deeper just to get to the truth.
I also revisit values and what steps to take to show yourself love, respect and compassion so that you don't end up in toxic relationships.
How difficult is it to experience life to the fullest when you have a dark cloud of problems and challenges? In this episode, I help you tackle the problems in your life with many questions designed to loosen the grip emotional challenges have on you. If you can get some relief from the problems in your life, perhaps you could experience more of what it has to offer.
The fear that you'll never experience something ever again
The best relationship, job or event in your life flashes by and now you are afraid that's the best there ever was and it will never be that good again. When you use the words, "never", "ever", and "always", you set up your present and future for a daily misery that never ends. It's time to examine the language we use and make sure we are not setting up our reality to be a nightmare.
How do you know if you are the difficult one in any relationship? Whether it's at home, with friends, or family, when everyone seems a bit unhappier than you think they should be, perhaps the common denominator is you.
In any relationship, mixed messages are the key to diminishing trust and certainty. When communication is based on deception to make others think one thing while you do or say another, you introduce confusion and sometimes even a bit of insanity.
When a dysfunctional upbringing leaves you with nothing but broken tools
Your level of function or dysfunction as an adult is almost always determined by the most unhealthy or toxic people in your family growing up.
When you are raised by those who couldn't love and support you as you deserved, you may have developed "broken" tools. When your emotional toolbox has a bunch of broken tools, you keep getting the results you don't want. In this episode, I help you identify those broken tools & what you can do to start utilizing them the right way, or even fixing them altogether.
People pleasing can be exhausting. Spending time and energy trying to be what you believe other people want you to be destroys relationships and wears on your emotional well-being. In this episode, I help you understand just how damaging people pleasing can be.
If you withdraw your emotions or give others the silent treatment, you may not be surprised to hear that this behavior, if repeated over and over again, can drain your relationship of love, affection, and intimacy. Over time, if not addressed, the relationship can perish.
What do you do when you've done a lot of work on yourself and feel like you've addressed the toughest issues in your life but still feel as if there is something missing? What's the secret to figuring out what's keeping you from feeling fulfilled?
By asking yourself the right questions, you'll get the answers you need.
Is Your Negative Self-Perception Making You Believe in Lies?
When you find yourself throwing away compliments in place of beliefs and self-perceptions that aren't true, you stay in a self-perpetuating cycle of negativity and may never get out until you are ready to give up that sometimes you are just plain wrong.
People see us differently than we see ourselves. The problem isn't when we think we're better than others perceive us, it's when we don't believe people who say good things about us.
Increasing intimacy in your relationships and a comment on obsessive thinking
If you have difficulty being intimate, it might be time to stop looking at all the top ten lists on how to get closer to those you love and listen to this episode. I dive into what you need to do to increase your connection and intimacy with the people you love.
During the close, I talk about a way to stop obsessive thoughts. It's a bit unusual which is why it might work.
Should you leave your partner if the future seems bleak?
If you think something is wrong with the relationship but aren't sure if you should leave or if you should work on things, perhaps it's time to get an answer so that you can have some closure. In this episode I help you access the resources you need to make a choice.
There is a path out of the rut of depression, feeling unworthy, unlovable, stupid, and any of a number of other thoughts and feelings that can permeate your life. If you're in that miserable, stuck state, this episode may be a path to a door that shines the light on the dark.
If guilt holds you back from enjoying life and making good, healthy choices for yourself, it's time to let it go and gain some forward momentum.
Guilt suspends happiness and keeps you from doing what you really want to do in life. Could letting it go completely change your life? It's time to find out.
One of the main disadvantages of stuffing negative emotions is that, quite simply, you are probably not happy most of the time. Walking around with so much negativity can lead to mini explosions in your relationships. The key to clearing these obstacles from your system is to express them. But how? And to whom? And will you ever feel safe doing so?
How much are you willing to risk to have the greatest relationship you can have? How much emotional connection do you want? It seems the more the reward, the higher the risk. In this episode, I talk about how staying emotionally closed up or closed off takes away most of the human experience and keeps everyone you want to love at a distance.
Where does your self-worth come from if it isn't instilled in you from your parents or caretakers? There is a path to a higher sense of self-worth and self-esteem. It may not be an easy path, but it does exist.
Would you know if you were being emotionally abusive? There is a question you can ask yourself to determine if you are being emotionally abusive or not. Once you know the question, you can change how you communicate with anyone.
What are the steps to figuring out the challenges that come into your life? Is there a process? What happens when someone you know is going through a particular challenge, do you know what questions to ask? Join Matthew Bivens and I as we talk about our process of discovering issues and where to dig further.
Releasing the fears and pain by walking the path of enlightenment
Whatever fears, pain, shame, guilt and other negative emotions are lingering inside of you are preventing you from reaching empowerment and walking the path of enlightenment. This episode is all about starting that path and releasing the stream of negative emotions that may be flowing through you.
If you've ever come out of a relationship feeling unlovable and unworthy, it's time to consider the source of this false belief and how you are sabotaging yourself for future relationships. Also, I read an email about conditional versus unconditional love and just what makes up love anyway.
When your partner changes their mind about your life plans
What happens to the relationship if after you make life plans together, one of you changes their mind? I received a letter from a woman who said that she and her husband planned on having a baby, but he has now changed his mind and no longer wants one. There's a lot to discuss in this very challenging topic.
The life decision you regret - Never find true love again - Do you value yourself
1. That one decision you regret that changed your entire life for the better… or would it have been worse?
2. You lose the love of your life, now you know you'll never be happy again. Can you recover from losing "the one"?
3. You filter you everything you do through certain criteria. Is that filter serving you?
Life changing lessons and working through introversion
What are the best life lessons to learn along your journey? How do you know what your next step is? What if you're a little too introverted and can't seem to find the courage to take steps that you believe you need to take? Matthew Bivens and I have a discussion about this in this special mid-week show.
Exploring infidelity - Can the relationship survive the affair
Cheating might be the end of most relationships, but many couples have survived and thrived after the affair. There are many components to infidelity. In this episode, I explore the basics of cheating and what will allow your relationship to survive and heal after the affair.
The life-altering mistake - Controlling others can lead to betrayal - Things narcissists do
One huge mistake can change your life. When it's time to make up for that mistake, prioritize what's most important. Sometimes that means losing something you love.
Controlling someone causes them to seek their needs from someone else. What starts off seeming to be the only way to get what you want them to do turns into the very thing that drives them away
What do narcissists do that makes them so cunning? A little taste of the narcissist in this third segment will help answer those questions.
Emotionally unavailable - Express and heal - Cancelling Criticism
1. If your brain or your heart closes up at the thought of sharing your feelings about someone else, this first segment is for you.
2. It's vital to have someone or somewhere to express the deep negative emotions. Finding that safe person with whom to share your shame, guilt and fears may be just what you need to heal.
3. How do you get past criticism? I read a negative review of the show, then do something a little different on overcoming criticism.
When you lose your mentor - The biggest problem in the relationship - Control and Responsibility
1. What do you do when you lose your mentor? Here's a trick you may think is a little out there.
2. What is the biggest problem in your relationship? Cheating or worse? To heal, you may have to work on something else first
3. You can only control you.
Find the Right Teacher - Everything is failing, nothing is working out
Have you ever listened to a motivational teacher to the point where you were ready to make huge changes in your life, but after a couple days you lost all that motivation? Motivational teaching is great for building you up, but where do you go after you come back down?
Matthew Bivens joins me and we talk about wisdom and when everything in life is failing.
Controlling upset toward others - Feeding dysfunctional people - Full commitment then re-evaluation
1. When you get angry or upset toward someone else, how quickly do you recover? Would you like to recover faster and get into a better space? I'll walk you through questions you can ask yourself that lead to change.
2. How do you feed the dysfunction of others? If you get into emotionally abusive relationships but can't figure out how to stop the abuse, you may be part of the cause.
3. You can commit to someone then re-evaluate that commitment when they don't hold up their end of the bargain.
Changing someone's life - Tackling your insecurities
1. If you want to change someone's life, sometimes all it takes is a heartfelt "Thank You" or compliment. But not in passing. A thank you or compliment that makes them stop and process it can be quite powerful.
2. If you are dealing with insecurities about yourself, this segment and the final segment will help you start to heal from them. I reveal one of my own insecurities for the first time on the public airwaves.
Breaking up for newbies - Enabling your own terrible relationship - Dating the emotional abuser
1. Without a history of breakups, your first major one can seem devastating and life ending. I help the newbie get through all the effects of the first major heartbreak.
2. When you think your relationship is horrible and you find yourself taking up all the slack for your deadbeat other half, are you creating your own misery?
3. When the person you are going to marry is telling you what to do with your money, do you feel uncomfortable? Are you being manipulated?
Valuing Your Partner's Values for Relationship Longevity
Do you value what your partner values? If not, you may be in for a rude awakening when they suddenly get upset with you for seemingly no reason.
What's important to you may not be important to them, and vice versa, but it might be a good idea to make it important to you since your relationship's longevity may depend on it.
Handling a Rejection - Combining logic and emotion - Leaving doesn't mean not loving
1. How do you handle "no"? Do you suffer hoping the other person would follow you to the ends of the earth, or do you welcome the opportunity to be free of someone that didn't want to be with you?
2. How much of your emotions need your logic? How about your logic needing your emotions? Is it time to be fully unified?
3. A listener asks why they left if they loved. It's not always black and white - sometimes it's to save the relationship.
Stupid questions that heal - Dealing with the Sociopath - Endless codependence
Asking yourself stupid questions may be the path to healing and moving through the hard stuff in your life. We often have choices when it appears we don't - stupid questions may lead to more choices.
Sociopathic people in the workplace and at home can be extremely difficult to deal with. I give you one effective method of doing so.
In codependence, there is usually a giver and a taker. I'll give you one guess who gets burnt out while the other thinks there's nothing wrong with the arrangement.
Will letting go of my narcissistic mom destroy my self-worth?
Letting go of a narcissistic parent can seem like cutting off a limb to some people, but what happens right after the moment you make the decision to cut them out of your life?
Matthew Bivens of the Having it A.L.L. podcast joins me today to discuss this very thing.
Getting along with everyone - Stuck in the marriage - Get offline to stretch your mind
1. Race, culture and background can dictate personality and behavior. A listener writes in and asks how to get along with almost everyone.
2. A woman asks if I have any words of wisdom for her regarding a drifting marriage and isolation from family.
3. If you really want to stretch your mind, meet in person, not online. Make real connections.
Getting into alignment with a career you want is a whole lot more fulfilling then trudging through each day trying to make the career you're in work.
I talk with Scott Barlow, a regular of The Overwhelmed Brain, on finding work that fits and creating the kind of happiness in your life that you can actually get paid for.
An Addict's Mind - Is Suffering Optional - Avoid Healing by Judging Others
1. The addict has a different perspective of the world according to a recovering addict that writes in to the show.
2. We're told that suffering is optional. I make an argument against it and for it.
3. Every judgment you have is a lack of acceptance in you. I help a listener understand his options when it comes to judging his girlfriend
Resolving Before New Years - Are You The Problem - Free Will or Destiny - Get Ready for Next Year
1. Resolving issues before New Year's resolutions is a better practice for some people. If you can't keep your resolutions, it's time to change when you make them.
2. Is she is toxic like her boyfriend's ex's or is he the common denominator?
3. Is free will really free? This philosophical perspective may start the new year off with many questions.
4. If you reflect on how your year went, it's time to look at what you really value so you can plan ahead instead of review the past
They love you but don't like to say it - Getting over the guilt of how you treated your ex - You can manipulate but should you
Saying I love you shouldn't be hard, but if it's something that you or your partner can't do, there is a path to love that doesn't involve words.
When you think about how you treated your ex, do you feel guilty? If so, segment 2 will help you cope and perhaps even get over the guilt so that you can look forward to a brighter future in yourself and your relationships.
If you are emotionally abusive, it's time to face up to it and do whatever it takes to heal inside. There is a path to freedom.
The Adapting Chameleon Personality - When they hurt you to get rid of you - Accepting or denying toxic family members
1. Are you a chameleon? Do you change as needed for every person and situation? If so, is it really serving you?
2. If someone has ever hurt you so that you would let them go, this segment may tell you why. Fear of your reaction is usually the cause but there are others.
3. Speaking of reactions, what do you do with friends and family that are aggressive or explosive? Do you invite them to the wedding or are you just setting yourself up for disaster?
When your partner sides with their family against you
If your partner's family is against you and your partner sides with them, what do you do? When you can't feel safe in your own relationship because your partner's priority is his or her own family, you may have some hard choices to make. An emotionally intelligent conversation between Matthew Bivens and I on this special episode of The Overwhelmed Brain.
The cheater who went from kind to cold when caught - Ex won't return even after I improve - Your intuition needs closure
1 She caught her husband cheating and blamed her & her family for the affair. He used to be loving and supportive. Now that he can't get his way, he is cold & manipulative.
2 She wants her ex back but all he wants is sex. She complies but feels empty & lonely without him. Now that she has healed from her past & doing better, he still won't come back.
3 When your intuition kicks in, it's important to follow it through to the end. You may not like what you find but at least you'll have closure.
Holding on to a lie to keep the relationship going
When you find out a lie that your partner has been holding on to for months or years, where does that leave the relationship? What if it's a minor lie and your relationship has been going great? Or what if it's a massive lie that you cannot get past? Matthew Bivens of the Having it A.L.L. podcast joins me to answer an email on this very subject in this special mid-week episode of TOB.
Attracting higher quality partners - Feeling sorry for those that abuse you - Try, try again or do or do not
1. Do you attract the worst partners? What does it take to find a normal person to date? There is a path to attracting quality partners but it may involve facing your fear of loss.
2. If you feel bad for your emotional abuser, you are more likely to stay in the relationship and take abuse. I'll tell you what you need to focus on so the abuse stops.
3. When did trying things turn into a bad choice? Ever since Star Wars, it seems we've adopted do or do not… but is that the best course of action?
Escaping the Real World - Kids and the Narcissistic Parent - The Isolation of the Child Sexual Abuse Survivor
Are you a daydreamer? Is it healthy? Do you do it to avoid reality? It's not all bad, is it? I talk about the benefits of skipping reality for a little bit as long as you connect with yourself in other ways.
In #2, I go over some ways to deal with your narcissistic ex and his/her effect on you your kids.
Finally, what are the long term effects of child sexual abuse? The "Welcome Home Fiona" music video might be just the path to healing you need. thefionaproject.org/vote
Losing love and the general lies we tell ourselves
Black or white thinking can lead you to be untrusting of people and the world in general. If you've loved and lost and cannot figure out how to love as deeply as you once did, it could be a general distrust you carry around - seeing people as either safe or not safe. If you cannot be vulnerable, a difficult thing to achieve after pain or betrayal, you may not be able to rebuild the emptiness in your heart.
Dichotomous thinking can keep you from unlocking your heart to anyone else.
Freeze instead of fight or flight - Learning what didn't work with the ex - Healing the hole in your heart
Do you freeze when you get stressed? Learn what you can do to stop the freeze before it happens.
What didn't work in your last relationship that you can take with you into your next one? These questions will help you become wise for the future.
If you suffered a breakup and you feel that emptiness inside, you may have a hole in your heart that needs to be filled. I'll help you start to rebuild what's missing so that you can start to heal your emotional wounds.
The abuse victim's perspective - Step-parents and step-children - When honoring yourself leads to loneliness
Why don't abuse victims leave the relationship? I talk about the perspective of the abuse victim and no matter how much sense it makes to us for them to leave the abuser, it's an entirely different reality for the victim.
How can step-parents connect and relate to step-children? It may involve being less of a parent and more of a friend.
During the close I address what happens when you honor yourself. Who you thought were friends might disappear from your life but there's so much more to gain.
Keeping Your Relationship from Slipping into Dysfunction
If you've had ups and downs with your relationship and you're ready to keep it on track so it doesn't start slipping back down, I'll tell you ten steps you can take to make sure it stays healthy and continues to blossom.
Stonewalling - Expectations of friends - Emotional abuse follows you - Get away to get closer to people
Stonewalling is damaging to a relationship and can make it fail if whatever is shut down is never brought up to be resolved.
Do you set expectations in your friendships? Should friendships be an equal, two-way street? It doesn’t have to be - not exactly.
Is there a way to get into healthy relationships after being in emotionally abusive ones? Very important question.
What's the best way to connect with people? Find fewer and get away from the crowds.
How to feed your brain - Why do abusers abuse? - Too scared to be in a relationship - Everything is temporary
The more you expose yourself to new things, the smarter you get and the more your thought processes change.
Why does one abuse? This important segment will help you understand the perspective of the one who abuses.
How can you enjoy your relationship if you can't stop thinking it may fail in the future? Worries about tomorrow can make the present feel not as good as it should.
Everything is temporary. The bad stuff and the good stuff, but it gets better as you get through the bad stuff.
Guilt stops growth - Dad's new girlfriend - Enabling the freeloader
When you feel guilty for wanting to leave your partner because of their bad behavior, it's time to transform that guilt into something more productive.
What happens when you lose a parent and the one left behind wants to date again? Is this something you support or are vehemently against?
Do you live with someone taking advantage of you? Are you their doormat hoping they'll change some day? Maybe that day is today.
Those "think positively" people - Little problems that lead to explosive reactions - What is a toxic person?
Positive thinking leads to denial which creates negative emotions in your body eventually leading to depression. What? Sounds like a great first topic.
Little spats in a relationship that lead to massive blowups have an origin. Unspoken words are what cause those big explosions. It's time to connect emotionally rather than logically to diffuse the emotional bombs before they explode.
What is toxic? Do we call people toxic just to avoid our own personal growth? A listener challenges me on the topic.
Mother treats me badly - Early warning signs in relationships - You are not that - Bypassing intuition
Mom criticizes her, makes her feel unworthy, yet this listener still wants a relationship.
What happens when there are warning signs at the beginning of your relationship but you ignore them?
Do you change for someone else to keep them in your life or do you want to attract the person that accepts who you really are?
Bypassing your instincts in favor of guilt could be a dangerous path into denial (maybe even betrayal). Following your instincts may lead to a truth you don't want to know.
When "I Know" prevents healing - How to be a safe partner - When others bypass your intuition
When you are so knowledgeable about your problems, you may have a tendency to be closed off to the solution. The "I know" syndrome can keep you from finding out the root of your emotional distress.
When your partner can't seem to trust you completely and holds back their emotions around you, there is something you can do to meet them where they are.
Do other people help you bypass your own intuition? It's time to take back control of life by knowing when to trust: "something doesn't feel right".
The no-win conversation - Lashing out at others - Blame the cheater not yourself
Does your partner corner you into a no-win situation? Do they ask you questions that make you wrong no matter what you say? I share how to avoid and get out of the double binds that show up in your relationship.
Where does lashing out come from? It's time to get a grasp on what's happened in your past.
Who's responsible for the cheating? Are you ever the cause for your partner's cheating ways? If you think you are, you need to listen to the closing segment carefully.
Success via stress - Never too old - judging others when you do the same thing - The guilt of the infidel
Is succeeding in a stressful way better than not succeeding? Creating a deadline with accountability keeps you on task and even makes you more creative.
It's never too late to honor yourself. She did so with a toxic family member and is now starting a new way of life without his involvement.
Do you judge others for things that you do yourself? Is it ever good to judge the behavior of others when you do the very same behavior?
A wife cheats then lays her guilt on her husband making him feel worse.
Obsessing about people - Can your marriage heal if you grow - Online shaming
Obsessing about those you want in your life. What can you do? There may be a way out of obsessive thoughts and behavior.
Can your relationship survive if you heal and grow but your partner is toxic? I read an email from someone in a manipulative relationship.
During the close of the show I talk about Justine Sacco and how her life was ruined because of a misunderstood joke on Twitter. Public shaming takes the stage in this segment.
See me, Judge me - Is your opinion really that important?- Stop Oversharing - What is No Contact?
Standing up for your boundaries can have the consequence of being called out. I address a criticism from a listener who calls me out.
Can someone with a fear of abandonment be in a romantic relationship with someone who has a fear of commitment? I help a listener consider decode this.
Oversharing is a big problem in one listener's life, causing all kinds of boundary violations for her. Time to change that!
I end the show talking about what it takes to go full no-contact from a abusers.
Trusting Your Gut - Can You Reconcile with Someone You've Hurt - Making Decisions Easier
Do you trust your gut? Do you want to? I tell you how in this first segment where I share how I almost got conned by a store clerk.
In segment two, high school sweethearts get married then divorced ten years later. After a lot of emotional abuse and healing, he wants her back but she's not ready. Is reconciliation possible?
In closing I tell you how to make decisions that allow you to do some time traveling so that you can get an idea of how you'll feel after making them or not.
Blaming Others for Everything - Does time heal? - The overworking ADD partner - Hanging up on family
You will get the results you want as soon as you accept responsibility for your role in every problem in your life.
Segment 2 talks about how almost every relationship issue you have with others is what needs nurturing in you.
In segment 3 I read a letter from someone who is sick around her partner who has ADD and ignores her most of the time.
During the close of the show I talk about the best way to handle the continuously criticizing family member.
Wanting someone who doesn't want you - The price of inauthenticity - When you want someone to get help
When you pursue someone you want romantically but they don't want you, the result is often hurt feelings or worse.
In segment two, I read an email from a woman who eats out of anger because her husband doesn't want to be with her sexually. Now she's overweight and knows she's going down the wrong path but isn't motivated enough to lose weight.
In closing, a listener reaches out to me and asks me if it's a good idea to tell her sister to get help.
Criticism and how you are like them - How to start the therapeutic process - The damage to the soul when someone dies
What do you go through when someone points out something that you did wrong? How do you handle negative or critical feedback?
How do you start the therapeutic process for yourself? I outline the steps to I suggest to starting a journey of getting the help you need.
What do you do about the emotional pain from losing a loved one? One listener says it's like damage to your soul that can never be repaired. Is it repairable?
So What You're Afraid - Avoiding Unavoidable People - To Start Anew or Wait for the Old
Honoring your boundaries can be the hardest step to take in your personal development, and it's also one of the fastest ways to start creating a life without toxicity and dysfunction. But what if you're too scared to do it? Getting to a place where fear goes away isn't easy - it can take a lot of inner growth leading to the confidence and courage to do whatever it takes to let others know what is acceptable and what is not. In this first segment, I talk about boundaries and how there may be a quick, yet completely unorthodox method of getting past the fear. In segment two, what do you do if you're in a relationship with someone who has close ties to someone you don't like? And what if you can't avoid this other person? On top of that, what if this other person is your ex? It's a tricky situation and one that one particular person has with someone they used to date. I read her email on the air and do my best to answer her question on what to do about this. During the close of the show, I read a message from someone who left an emotionally abusive relationship but is wondering if they should get back into it. She thinks that if he heals that things could get better and they could be a couple again. But how long do you wait for someone to heal? Should you wait? Is waiting worse than moving on? It's a great letter and an important subject, especially if you feel like you're in a rut and aren't sure what to do after a breakup. Today's episode is brought to you by the delicious Earth's Brew. Visit earthsbrew.com and using promo code "brain10" when checking out to get a discount.
Feeling Unworthy by Comparison - Your Partner's Controlling Parent - Breakdown of Narcissism - Recycling Dysfunction
Comparing yourself to other people is the fastest way to low self-worth and self-esteem. And why do we always compare ourselves to people that are better looking, wealthier, healthier and have more success in areas of life that we are still working on? It seems like a black hole of misery that will never end. In segment one, I talk about one of my good friends who is self-employed and wondering why she isn't succeeding after a few months of what I see has been a very successful time for her. She is comparing her success to those that have been in the business for a long time and it is making her feel down. This segment is for you if you are feeling inferior or less-than someone you know and you're not sure how to get out of that rut. In segment two, I address the concerns of a woman who's boyfriend has a controlling mother that doesn't like her. On top of that, her boyfriend will never let anyone get in between his mother and him. There may be some unhealthy attachment going on here. If his girlfriend comes second to his mom, she may always be second best in his life. Should she stay and hope he changes his mind or get out of the situation before his mom takes over their relationship? In segment three, I talk about my analysis of conversations that a woman recorded with her narcissistic mom. I listened to the conversations carefully and picked apart exactly where healthy behavior stopped and where possible narcissistic behavior started. The source of the recordings themselves can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Zastrow69/videos Who knows? You may be able to spot some narcissistic behavior in someone you know! Or… maybe even in you. During the close of the show, I talk about how your response to a dysfunctional or toxic person can actually create more dysfunction. Even if you honor yourself authentically and say what you mean, their behavior can still be incited and amplified just by you being you. It's time to stop feeding the dysfunctional feedback machine and start to do new behavior that doesn't incite their old behavior. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Legal insurance when you need it.
Handling negative feedback - Stop worrying about everything - Enabling is disabling - Guilt and apologies
How do you handle negative feedback? There's a golden opportunity to sink or swim when someone puts you down. Their comments don't have to equal pain and a hit on your self-worth or self-esteem. In fact, maybe it's possible that the one person you remember putting you down is the very impetus you needed to improve something about yourself. It's not fun getting criticized, but it's not always a bad thing either. In segment two, I talk about worrying and overwhelm about everything. Just how much do you worry? Do you feel like you can never get ahead because all the plates are spinning and you really can't find a way to stop them? You might even be getting more plates added to your act. It can be stressful and even downright terrifying… it's time to get out of the overwhelm. In segment three, I talk about the important subject of enabling. Enabling is helping a toxic person stay toxic by behaving in a way that removes their accountability. If they never feel accountable, they continue to stay toxic to themselves and you. Enabling is helping them be helpless and it's time to learn just how bad enabling is for you and your family. During the closing, I bring up the very important subject of just how long is too long to hold on to guilt. You may feel guilty for something that you did long ago but you don't have to hold on to it. In fact, maybe this episode is the release you need from so many months or years of guilt so that you can move on and start living your life again. Today's sponsor is getoutofthemess.com. Connect with quality attorneys at your beck and call at a crazy affordable rate.
Does Authenticity Make You Cringe - Getting Past Your Partner's Past - Building Rapport with People
When someone expresses themselves to you, do you cringe at the thought of you doing the same? Does the idea of sharing what they're sharing make you feel uncomfortable? Does it stop you from living life the way you want with authenticity and confidence? If you feel uncomfortable or shy when someone shares something vulnerable with you, that may be a sign that something could use some healing in you, if you want to explore it. It's a great way to tell just what you need to work on in yourself. Full expression can make you feel lighter and stronger at the same time, but it isn't always easy to show up that authentically. In the second segment, I read a letter from someone I call Larry. He said he can't get his girlfriend's two-night stand out of his head. It's a relationship that began and end way before they met but he still has an issue with it. There are some factors involved in thinking about your ex's past and getting jealous or angry or feeling other negative emotions. Those factors are images and thoughts that repeat themselves by staring into the rear view mirror. Where should your focus be? How can you even focus on the present moment when you can't get yourself out of a past that isn't even your own? Finally, during the closing segment, I teach some techniques on building rapport and share how building rapport isn't just something to learn and try out with others, it's also something you can watch people do to you. After all, it's better to be prepared so you can tell when someone is using the very same techniques on you (it doesn't mean they know they're doing it, but it's good to know how it can be done!) Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys answering your questions for a very low monthly rate.
Rekindling with toxic family - The long-term results of honoring yourself - Even the victim plays a role - Contact or no contact your ex
How do you go about rekindling with toxic and / or dysfunctional family members? Is it worth "going home" and starting up those old, dysfunctional, family get-togethers again? Is it possible to avoid the toxicity of family past? There is a way to return to a toxic environment but it's going to take some courage to be the person you want to be with the people that have always treated you the way you don't want to be treated. I talk about that in segment one. In segment two, I read a message from someone who shares what it's like honoring yourself. Joshua shares that he's been taking steps to stand up for himself and express his truths to people that he never has before. He is showing up as that authentic person he's always wanted to be and things are happening for him in a way that never have before. I also share what happens when you choose not to express yourself and instead repress what's going on in you instead. I'll give you a hint… it's depression. In segment three I talk about what your responsibility in the relationship is. Even when you're the victim of any type of abuse, as awful as that is, you are still a component in the equation of that environment and therefore have some level of responsibility. It may seem like you have no choice but often the choices you do have you simply won't consider because you fear the consequences of making that choice. The victim in an abusive or painful relationship still plays a role so when he or she takes responsibility, there's a better chance of both of you healing. It's not a "It's all your fault" system, it becomes a "I'll take responsibility and you'll take responsibility, then we can work on this together." That's a nice fantasy and sometimes that happens, but when it goes, it can actually help a relationship. Of course, if there's abuse, it may be time to just get out while there's a chance. During the closing of the show, I read a message from someone asking me if it's too soon to contact his ex. It's been a couple weeks and he just wants to call and apologize and tell her he misses their friendship. There is a way to gauge whether it's too soon or not, and it has to do with your level of attachment to the reuniting. The strong that attachment it, the likelihood that it's too soon to contact. I go over it in lots of detail in the show. Today's episode is brought to you by the gift of someone's life: StoryWorth! Visit storyworth.com/brain and use the code "brain" to get $20 off
All those years wasted with your ex - When hope works against you - Under the stream of negative emotions
How can you possibly forget an ex that "wasted" years of your life? How can you possibly forgive them either? In this first segment, I read a letter from someone who married a big problem, and now she is upset at him for "stealing" so many years of her life. She wants to forgive and move on but can't seem to do it. I offer a suggestion that she may not have considered on forgiveness. In segment two, what can you do if you want your ex back but they keep you at arm's length. They want to be with you, but they don't want to BE with you. It's a place of no closure and it can be full of anxiety and lots and lots of waiting with no possible end. Don't waste your life waiting - listen to this segment! During the close of the show, the subject of inner peace comes up. What's it like? Is it in you? Many people think it isn't. There's a stream of negative thoughts and emotions that can flow through you and it can seem like there's no peace, joy or happiness whatsoever. You can feel like life is not going to get any better so why bother? There is a path to peace but it involves some work. The work never ends, but the peace and comfort can appear sooner than later. Visit storyworth.com/brain for $20 off the gift of their life!
Identifying Your Sense of Self - Overcoming the Guilt of Leaving the Emotional Abuser - Diminishing Emotional Triggers
Your sense of self and identity can dissolve or even be rewritten over years of trau Your sense of self and identity can dissolve or even be rewritten over years of trauma, abuse, and / or dysfunction. Dis-integration can happen after a lifetime of challenges that you haven't healed from, causing you to feel scattered and feel like you have no purpose. When you don't have a strong emotional foundation, the hard times are harder and you feel beat up and burnt out almost all the time. It's important to establish who you are. You do this by honoring yourself, honoring your boundaries and showing up as authentically you. But how do you do that? That's what segment one is about. It's time to create, or recreate who you are. In segment two, I read a letter from "Mary" who is feeling guilt for leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She knows leaving is the right step, but she wants to know how she can overcome the guilt that comes with it. An emotional abuser exploits your kindness, compassion and generosity. They know how to use who you are against you. What personal boundaries are being taken away from you when someone is trying to guilt you? What values do they know about you that they are exploiting? There's a reason you feel guilty: It's because they know how to make you feel bad for not being you. It's a complex path that they have mastered, so it's time to reveal that path so that you know just how to stop it from happening. Guilt comes from kindness and compassion - this segment will tell you how to utilize your own compassion to eradicate the guilt of leaving the abusive relationship. There's a huge opportunity for both partners to heal. During the closing segment, I'll share with you a neat brain trick that will take a memory that upsets you and transform it into laughter. Do you have an emotional trigger you've been wanting to diminish or dissolve? Take the ride with me… should be fun! Today's episode was brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Quality attorneys at established law firms for about $20 a month.
When You Haven't Achieved Life Goals Yet - Walking the Line Between Partner and Consoler - Waiting for Your Ex to Return to the Relationship
What happens when you reach that age where you thought you would have accomplished certain things in life but are nowhere close to what you set out to do 10, 20, 30 or more years ago? Do you get depressed? Do you have a mid-life crisis? Or… maybe you see that there's a bigger plan in the works for your life. If that's too spiritual a view for you, perhaps it's time to comes to terms with your fears and accept realities you don't want to accept. It sounds dismal and defeating thinking this way, but what if it's the path to the life you've always wanted? What if acceptance of what is awful is what gets you out of the rut? Lots to talk about in this first segment. In segment two, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to walk the fine line between spouse and consoler. If you find yourself being a caretaker and therapist, along with loving partner, you may not know where to draw the line and at what point taking care of others is actually take care away from you. There's a fine line and I attempt to address just how to create balance in a relationship like this, especially if one partner has had trauma or abuse in their past. During the close of the show, I talk about how when you've gone through a breakup and you are still grasping at straws and hoping your partner will return, there's an acceptance that needs to happen within you so that if they do come back, you aren't bringing the old you back into the relationship. Acceptance of what is heals and helps you get ready for your next relationship, whether it is with your ex or not. Today's episode was brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Quality attorneys at established law firms for about $20 a month.
Starting Sex Before the Bedroom - Achieving Closure After the Breakup - Attracting Authentic People
When does sex really start? When you're taking off your clothes? The heated kissing or "petting" or… is there a lot more to it? If you are emotionally connected, you already know when sex starts - way before you ever step into the bedroom. If you are somewhat detached from your emotions however, sex is probably, mainly a physical thing for you. Regardless of where you are on the spectrum of sexual intelligence, this segment is all about how to build it right so that it is as enjoyable as it can be. The buildup, the trust, the vulnerability, the attentiveness, the receptiveness, and a whole lot more can make or break sex. If you want a healthy sex life, make everything else but sex as healthy and happy as possible. Where's your focus during sex? Segment one is dedicated to sex (it's clean, but still an adult subject matter, be advised!). In segment two, a woman writes to me and asks how to achieve closure and feel better after her boyfriend dumped her. He promised he would treat her right and stay with her but he didn't. What do you do when someone doesn't keep their commitment? Does a commitment last forever? And when it doesn't, how do you get to closure so you can move on with your life? Love doesn't override everything During the close of the show, I talk about an old episode where I invited Jordan Harbinger of The Art of Charm podcast on, and how my error and unintentional disrespect toward him created a friendship that lasts to this day. It's all about authenticity and how you show up in the world, even when you make a big fool of yourself at a critical moment in time and life. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys ready to help you for only about $20 a month.
Fear-Based Decision Making - Wanting more than friendship - Giving it all away for free
Do you make decisions based on what's in alignment with the highest intention for yourself, or do you make them based on fear. One path almost always leads to turmoil, and the other leads to getting what you want out of life almost every time. In segment two, what do you do when you start to have feelings for a good friend? And what if they don't have feelings back? Can you keep this kind of friendship or are you doomed for disappointment? I read a letter from someone going through this right now. It can be a huge challenge to have an authentic friendship when there's an underlying desire. During the closing of the show, I share a little behind the scenes of how I succeed at The Overwhelmed Brain and still give away everything I know for free. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Access to quality attorneys anytime you need them for a monthly fee, not an hourly one!
Holding on to regrets and resentments - What is healthy communication? - When it can't get any worse
What resentments or regrets are you holding on to? Sometimes years can go by while you keep a firm grasp of what causes you stress simply because you can't let go of the idea that you could have made different choices in life. Or, could you have made different choices or taken a different direction in your life? If so, why not? In segment two, I talk about a healthy way to communicate with others - one that fosters positive relationships and productive communication. There's a big picture to keep in mind if you want to get along with almost everyone and it has to do with letting something important go: Your attachment to being right! In segment three, I read a message from someone who is as low as it seems one can go. Depression, anxiety, stress, and years of family dysfunction. And the only thing she has to hold on to is a relationship that is perfect but she believes is doomed to fail if she can't figure herself out and get well. She's so focused on what she has to lose that she might actually create what she fears. She is in the breakdown stage when nothing seems to be going right. The good news? There's nothing below breakdown so maybe it's time for a breakthrough. I talk about the steps that can get you to a better place once you are in the bottom of the barrel and you feel like it can't possibly get any worse. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper. Get $50 off an amazing mattress at casper.com/brain. Make sure to use the promo code "brain" when checking out to get the discount. nt.
When it's time to call it quits in a relationship - Weaning family off you - Finding Purpose
Is it time to call it quits in your relationship? When do you know? Are there signs that you can look at and say, "Hey, that's happening to us! Maybe we should split up." Yes but it doesn't mean you have to split up. In fact, listen together if you think you may be experiencing relationship hiccups so that you can discuss what can be done instead of just giving in and giving up. In segment two I read a letter from a woman who just wants a normal sibling relationship with her brother, not a mother / son relationship which it's been up to this point. She feels a little taken advantage of and it's affecting her love and support for him. Soon she's going to be so burnt out that she may end up getting out of their relationship altogether. There is a way to wean family off of their dependencies on you. During the close of the show I talk about how you can define meaning and purpose in your life. Just what is the point of being here when you feel like there is no point being here? That's an important question to get the answer to if you're asking that of yourself. Meaning and purpose can be defined as soon as structure is created in your life. It's not as easy as it sounds and might require taking steps that were previously uncomfortable. Today's episode of The Overwhelmed Brain is brought to you by StoryWorth. Give a gift that lasts a lifetime! Visit storyworth.com/brain for $20 off your subscription. Website: http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com
Don't Want You in My Mind - Spouse's Parents Don't Like Me - Most Important Relationship Lessons - Standing in Other's Shoes
That person just keeps popping into your head - someone you don't like. They are a mind-nuisance and they just won't go away. It's bad enough you see them or hear about them, but why do you have to constantly think about them? In segment one of today's show I read a letter from a woman who can't get her husband's ex-wife out of her mind. How do you get rid of a pervasive thought? How can you finally rid yourself of that one thing you just can't seem to eradicate from your mind's eye? I have a few suggestions. In segment two, I read another email from someone I call, "Mary". She feels condemned by her husband's mom. His mom puts her down and emotionally abuses her. No matter what Mary does, his mom won't stop. There's a solution to this and it probably involves some hard decisions and firm stands. His mom is probably not going to change so it's up to someone else to make the change happen. After all, your marriage is your foundation and if someone is attempting to shake or destroy that foundation, it may be time to take a stand. In segment three, I talk about the most important lessons I've learned from all my previous relationships and what kind of relationship I had with myself in recognizing, or not, my own dysfunction. There are some powerful relationship lessons in this segment. I hope you can learn from my mistakes! Have you ever looked at someone else's life and wondered what's so hard about what they do? Then you get the opportunity to stand in their shoes for a while and suddenly realize you've been misjudging them and their situation all along? My girlfriend had foot surgery recently and I've suddenly realized what it's like to be a full-time caretaker. It's not easy, it's educational, and I'm a lot more appreciative of what many people have to go through on a regular basis. If you know a caretaker of any kind, this segment may help you relate. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Quality legal insurance to protect you and help you fight back
What are Guilt and Shame - Fearing Rejection and Abandonment - Solving All Your Problems
Guilt and shame are two battles in two different dimensions: Internal and external. Internally, you can feel guilt for something you've said or done. Externally, you can feel the shame by witnessing others judging and blaming you for what you've done. A listener asks me what the difference between the two are and I do my best to provide an answer that focuses on what you can do about both and not just one that highlights their relationship. After all, what's the point of talking about guilt and shame unless you know a way out? I also get into the ideas of self-worth and self-esteem and how they can play a role, along with complimentary dysfunctional relationships. This is packed segment that takes you for a visit to your ethical and moral compass. Are you ready to face those deep areas of your psyche? In segment two, someone asks me how to get over fear of rejection and abandonment. If you bring fear into your relationship, it can manifest into what you fear. In other words, insecurity can often manifest into an insecure relationship. However, when you bring 100% faith, love and trust into your relationship, you'll almost always enjoy it more. You could still get hurt, but you can either enjoy it to the fullest or live in fear and never experience the full breadth of what could be something wonderful. This segment also brings up the issue of manipulative people and how they play a role in your insecurities. You could be 100% loving and trusting but a manipulative person can use that against you. There are many signs of manipulation so it's good to be aware of what they are. You can trust and you can also be aware and conscientious. There is a path out of your fears of rejection and abandonment and it involves doing something a little strange. Let's just say you might have to travel back in time to visit a younger version of yourself. That version needs the you of today. I tell you how to do just that in this segment. During the close of the show, I share a powerful method of solving your problems. It involves a pen, paper and maybe even Abraham Lincoln. Tune in to find out! Get the free audio book 99 Minute Millionare here! http://scottalanturner.com/brain
Suicidal Thoughts - You're Not Alone - The Big Picture in Relationships - Taking Time to Heal Loneliness
Suicidal thoughts aren't usually discussed out loud. They fester inside and sometimes the people around you have no clue what's going on until it's too late. However, I don't believe suicidal thoughts in themselves are necessarily unhealthy. In fact, they can be good way to let the brain consider all outcomes. But why stop at suicidal thoughts? Why not also think about what would happen if you did other things like give someone a hundred dollar bill? Or told someone how well they dressed? What if you chose to just add some other thoughts you don't normally have? What would happen if you chose to let go of your resistance to any bad thoughts? What you resist persists and amplifies, so it's not a matter of closing off suicidal thoughts. It's a matter of expressing them and talking them out with others. Some thoughts can feel obsessive and always present, so why not add other types of obsessive thoughts into the mix as well? What would happen if you chose to face what you didn't want to face? Sometimes we fear more facing our fears and look for another way out. That way out isn't necessarily a good choice... after all, once you're "out", you have no more choice. And I want you to always have a choice. Suicide is a touchy subject that needs to be talked about, but often isn't. It's not all doom and gloom when someone has suicidal thoughts. They're just thoughts! Everyone has a right to think about anything they want. Sometimes we need to talk things through to understand why we think the way we do, so it's important to express these thoughts before the thoughts turn into action. When you take action on unhealthy thoughts, that's when you start making choices that take your choices away. Sometimes a permanent choice leaves you no choice. If you're thinking about suicide, consider calling the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 because you've got nothing to lose and only a kind, non-judgmental ear to gain. It's anonymous. Visit https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ In segment 2, I play the debut of the song: You're Not Alone by Asha Lightbearer at http://ashalightbearer.com In segment 3, I read a message from someone who is continually blamed in their relationship and doesn't know what to do. This person turns into a little child around their partner and can't figure out how to be "the adult" so that they can honor their boundaries. I help "Chris" keep the big picture in their relationship while not getting so enbroiled in the details. Getting stuck in the minutia hinders progress and can overwhelm you, making you feel like the child. By showing up for that inner child inside you, you can start to be the adult it needs to make it through and honor his or herself. In closing, I talk about my loneliness and what I experienced after my divorce. Loneliness while you're alone is the best time to look into healing it so you don't bring it into your next relationship. This episode is brought to you by http://getoutofthemess.com
Emotionally Needy People - Tapping into your Foundation - I Didn't Ask For Your Advice - Fighting Desires
What if you're in a relationship where you need an emotional connection from someone else but they don't seem to be in the same space as you. Sometimes the one you love will come home after a long day and you just want to shower them with love, but they don't seem to want to shower you back. Is there something wrong with them? Is there something dysfunctional about you? If you are in a loving, supportive relationship, but can't seem to connect to your partner, maybe this segment will help you sort out what might be going on for you. Sometimes your partner has reached their giving limit and it may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with how much energy they have left for themselves. In segment two, I read a message from someone who shares her multiple traumas and how this show has helped her live a better life. But it's not just about this show, it's about you building a solid foundation inside yourself so that you will have a place to land when you fall. And you will fall! So keep that foundation intact. And you don't have to go through the struggles alone. That's why this show and many other resources exist. In segment three, a woman writes to me and says that she doesn't seem to be learning the lessons fast enough for her boyfriend. She feels overwhelmed and even though he teaches her a lot of ways to work through things, she's starting to build resentment. Hmm… maybe she is getting advice that she's not necessarily asking for? Not sure, but a great message to explore nonetheless. Sometimes unsolicited advice can do that. It can build resentment because the person getting the advice may not be in the right space for it. It's like when someone recommends a book to you and you go check it out only to find out that it isn't helpful at all. Then 10 years later you see that same book and suddenly it's exactly what you needed. You might need to go through some other life lessons that prepare you to be in a space where a particular piece of advice or direction works for you. Always go in the direction that works for you. If you have a helper friend that gives great advice, their words may not always work. Not because it isn't good advice, but because you haven't reached a place where that advice really sticks. Self-empowered action is usually the best course of action, but it takes special people to understand that and leave you on the path you're on until you ask them for help. Then you might just learn something that stays with you forever. During the close of the show, I talk about how to live contently with strong desires. Is it possible? Sometimes it seems completely futile because desires can get so strong. The desire to cheat, the desire to lie, the desire to be with someone romantically, and even desires you don't want anyone to know about. I don't think the goal is to get rid of your desires, I think it's to fulfill them in a healthy way. If you can figure out what's missing in your life first, then write those things down, then you'll be clear on what you need to fulfill in yourself. There's more to it of course. One step toward fulfilling your needs is to do it from a place of desire without desperation. Once you bring desperation into the mix, you'll likely repel what you want to attract. There's a science behind what you focus on is what you'll see and get more of, but there's also a faith that might need to be adopted that what you desire in your life, when it's not motivated by desperation, could be what desires you too. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com
Failing the Challenge - Silent Abuse in Relationships - Depressed and Unmotivated - Appreciating What Works
What do you do when you face a challenge you believe you're prepared for, but you fail instead? The feelings of failure can be debilitating, especially when you've spent a lot of time and energy working on self-improvement. It can feel like you've taken 10 steps backwards. "Learning" comes with the challenge of applying what you've learned, so expect challenges to be just more than you think you're prepared for. When you have the tools, the challenge will come. I believed I knew how to honor my boundaries until I was tested with the right person. Always move forward and learn about yourself and work on yourself so that you will be as prepared as you can be. In segment two, I address the people's pleaser's role in becoming emotionally abused. People pleasers often have a big heart, compassion, generosity and are often kind and caring, which opens them up to abusive people unfortunately. If you're kind and compassionate but made to feel guilty by your partner often, then you're probably in an emotionally abusive relationship. There are many signs of emotional abuse including trusting yourself less and less. If your partner is emotionally detached, or you feel like you're going crazy, this segment is for you. Especially if you can't pinpoint why you feel the way you do. Manipulators are crafty and adept. They don't want to feel pain, guilt or responsible, so they push all of it on to you. If you want to learn if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, check out the Emotional Abuse worksheet at theoverwhelmedbrain.com/mean. In segment three, I read a letter from a young man who is depressed and has no motivation to do anything. His emotions are out of control and he is in a constant struggle. On top of all of that, he's afraid to get help! He's never talked about my feelings to anyone, ever. All the solutions he's looked for online talk about getting a goal and using his willpower which he found completely useless. The first step to getting past what you can't let go of is to express yourself any way possible, whether it's with a friend or loved one, or even to yourself through writing or visualization (imagining the person you want to express yourself to is standing in front of you). Once you get repressed negative emotions off your chest, it can free you a bit to start the healing process. In the closing, I talk about what you can do to appreciate your body and what it does for you. Sometimes it takes pain to appreciate what works! Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Quality legal insurance - get your legal questions answered by one of many attorneys that specialize in what you're asking about for about $20 a month! Great deal.
Committing to a Decision - Chronic Pain and Suffering - Trouble Receiving - Expanding Beyond You
Can you commit to a decision? How do you know if you're making the right decision? Follow your heart is great advice… if you even know what's in your heart. Segment 1 of this episode is all about making the decisions that work in your life without going down too many paths of failure. You have to make decisions to learn how to make good decisions, but sometimes that first decision is the hardest to make. Life is all about choice, so let's talk about what makes a good choice. I'll give you a hint, it has to do with knowing your ideals for any given situation. In segment 2, what do you do when you are always dealt a bad hand in life? Is there a psychological time bomb ticking away that is going to cause you to break down because you just can't get a break? How about chronic pain and suffering? There's a path out of suffering even when the pain is still there. You still seek treatment for the pain, but it's time to heal the emotional wounding that has taken place. In segment 3, I read a message from someone asking how they can receive without feeling like there is pain or shame involved. Growing up having been abused by receiving things with strings attached changed this person's world. I want you to be completely comfortable receiving so that you will feel worthy, loved and significant. You are all those things already, but if you are having trouble receiving, you may not believe you are. During the closing of the show, I talk about what you can do to expand "you" so that you think beyond the confines of your body and mind. Not only will this take you out of all the challenges of being you, but it will increase your compassion and understanding of others so that you can communicate more effectively. Today's episode was brought to you by Casper. Get an awesome mattress at a great price at casper.com/brain. If you want $50 off, use the code "brain" during checkout and you'll be a happier person.
Surviving the Crisis - Self-Perpetuating Abuse - Building Resilience Through Criticism
In crisis, is there anything you can do to bring you into a calmer, more peaceful place? Actually, not usually. In fact, you may have to experience the full impact of the crisis before any calm or comfort can be had. However, you may be able to prepare for crisis so it doesn't completely debilitate you. It involves creating a belief system or philosophy that serves you during this most crucial time so that you aren't so blindsided and devastated. Then, when you lose your job, get dumped, betrayed, or even if someone you love passes on, you have some tools to work with to get you through it. In this first segment, I share 10 beliefs and principles you can adopt to get you through crisis mode. In segment 2, I address a letter from a man who was kicked out of his home at 17 years old for being gay. He grew up, got married, and now his husband is looking at other guy's profiles online threatening the stability home and relationship. The letter writer doesn't want to be alone but he doesn't want his husband looking at other guys either so he's not sure what to do. With a family that has disowned him and a husband that appears to want to seek other relationships, he feels stuck and scared. Is it unhealthy to put all the pressure of your happiness on one other person? If you have no family and no support structure, is it even fair to expect your partner / spouse to pull through as your primary source of peace in the world? I offer my insights and opinions to help him through this situation. I also make a few comments on the decision of a family to kick their child out of the house because he is homosexual. In the final segment, I talk about building resilience through criticism. Taking things personally can slow you down and even stop you in your tracks. If you learn that criticism is an opportunity to grow, regardless if the critic is right or wrong, you'll find life a lot easier to live. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com - high quality attorneys and legal insurance for about $20! Sounds too good to be true, but I use it myself. I love it.
Are you annoyed with your career? Let's talk about work
A career can take up over half your life, so why would you settle for one that makes you miserable? I've settled a lot over the years and I got so burnt out. I didn't realize there was a formula to finding something I'd like and that might even pay well, if not more than I've ever made. Scott Barlow with Happen To Your Career joins me to talk about what it takes to be happy in a career and even make more money doing so. You don't want to miss this one. Visit happentoyourcareer.com/brain to get your free Ultimate Strenths Guide so that you can learn just exactly where you excel and what careers you'd be best at.
Overcoming General Unease - When Nothing Works Out in Life - Questioning Trust in Relationships
Are you walking around with an undertone of fear, anxiety, panic, or nervousness? What do you feel when nothing in general is happening in your life? What's your balance point or "homeostatic state"? When an uncomfortable or sad cloud follows you around all the time, it's hard to enjoy life. Especially because all the decisions you make are based on a foundation of this uncomfortableness. Many of us make decisions based on how the toxic people in our life will respond. If we know they'll respond negatively, we'll make a decision so that behavior isn't triggered. However, this choice may not be the best one for us. We make it to avoid conflict or confrontation, and that is a recipe for an unhappy life. I talk about "taking the bullet" and making the hard decisions during critical moments that will either exacerbate and extend miserableness or stop it in its tracks. It's a matter of shifting what you focus on and protecting yourself, not enabling others. This might not be easy to do, but it's a life changer. In segment 2, I read a letter from someone who shares that nothing has ever worked out for her in life. Everything she does leads to more pain and more toxic people. Nothing is good, and the future is grim. What do you do when all appears lost and you're just basically waiting for death so that you can get out of the chaos? Especially if your past is littered with abuse and neglect? Your past is important and has played a role, but it doesn't mean you can't change how your future turns out. Your behavior today will either allow your problems to continue or cause them to shift so that you actually start creating the life you want instead of the one you don't want. It's never too late. If your life has been terrible up to this point, why not start over? It's never too late. Why wouldn't you want the rest of your time on earth to be pleasant, or at least peaceful? During the close of the show, I ask if you can stay in a relationship where you can't trust. What kind of trusting relationships do you build? Do you have trouble trusting others because you aren't completely honest with those you can trust? What you bring into your relationship is the relationship you end up with. If you bring mistrust, you'll get mistrust and untrusting behavior. Of course, there's always the chance that you are right not to trust, but there's a path to follow when that happens to. I want you to come to a conclusion so that you can come to closure. Don't be stuck! Commit to one path or another. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Affordable legal insurance with quality law firms. It's like having your own attorney at 1/16th the cost!
The Abused Mind and Mixed Signals in Relationships - Still Mourning - Overcoming Your Overwhelmed Brain
Sexual and physical abuse survivors develop an abused mindset which they take into relationships. This mindset sets them up to be strung along and tolerate bad behavior. Often, former abuse victims end up with abusers in intimate relationships. Abusers of all kinds can play serious head games, including giving off a lot of mixed signals. Whenever you're in a relationship with mixed signals, do you focus on the positive or the negative? Which signals should you focus on? Abuse survivors and even many non-survivors can have a high toleration for abusive behavior. It's time to stop getting strung along and start realizing just what to watch out for. In this first segment, I also talk about how children of abuse often believe they were wrong or to blame. That comes from adult thinking and the cord needs to be cut on those kind of thoughts. In segment two, a woman lost her baby before it was born and she's still dealing with that loss. What can you do when you're dealing with the loss of a loved one and you just can't seem to get beyond it? It may sound a little metaphysical, but it still works. I talk about it in this segment. Also, I talk about a couple things you can do to get over your overwhelmed brain. Funny, for a show called The Overwhelmed Brain, I rarely talk about how to overcome being overwhelmed! Well, in this episode, I dive in a little and give you the first steps to take to get grounded. It's time to think externally instead of being so wrapped up in your brain. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Quality attorneys at established law firms for about $20 a month. Excellent and finally affordable legal answers and services.
Breaking Through Obsessive Thoughts - Is Everyone Toxic? - The Real Issue in the Relationship
When obsessive and intrusive thoughts won't go away, what can you do? You might feel better knowing that won't mean a thing in a 100 years, but if resolving them isn't that easy for you, then let me take you through a series of steps that break them apart and repackage them in a way that might just help you deal with yours. In this segment, I'll ask you what's wrong with having obsessive thoughts, why are they a problem, and if there's anything you can do about what you're obsessing over. I'll also talk about your resistance to them and how it causes you to suffer. If you have been suffering over that negative internal dialogue, listen to this episode. In segment 2, a woman asks me what happens when you remove all the toxic people in your life and you end up with no friends or romantic partner? She wants to know if that's all she has to look forward to when she grows and heals herself. Is everyone toxic? The personal growth journey does involve filtering out toxic people, but it also involves focus on yourself. When you start focusing on what you need for you, the right people show up in your life. You recognize toxic people right away and are able to steer clear. But better than that, healthy people show up when you're healthy, so that is the focus on this segment. During the close of this episode, I read another letter from a listener whose wife cheated on him. He decided to forgive and take her back, but now she's giving him the silent treatment and making excuses about why the marriage won't work. Is there more going on here than meets the eye? I give a frank opinion on the subject. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Access to quality attorneys for $20+ per month. Stop paying hundreds per hour just to ask simple questions! This is a great service that I use myself. Check it out!
Bad Luck and Great Fortune - Stuck with No Way Out - Small Lies and Big Problems - Advice For Life
When is a bad thing a good thing? When is a good thing bad? How attached are you to outcomes? I tell a quick Zen Buddhist parable that might make you think twice about the stressors in the world today, especially with the heated political climate and growing fears of what might happen next. Not everything is as it appears. When you think there's no way out - life opens a door. The door is good fortune and luck. Then when everything is going well, life throws you into a pit. Does it ever end? I get into the ebb and flow of life itself in this segment. In segment two, I answer the question: "What do you do if there's no way out of a situation?" A young man wants to know what he can do living with a toxic family that he can't (or chooses not to) leave. Is it better to stay in a toxic situation because you don't want to abandon those you love? Or is there a better way than "no way out"? You might have to resort to tactics that are against your values just to get into alignment with your best outcome. It's a controversial subject I'm sure you'll find interesting. In segment three, he knows there's something wrong in the marriage and she won't go to marriage counseling because she thinks it might as well be the end of the marriage. That's quite a jump to a conclusion that seems more made up and grounded in some sort of passive message that something else might be going on. What is your definition of marriage? Does it involve one person wanting to help the relationship and the other sitting around in denial of both their own happiness and their spouse's unhappiness? It might be time to ask the hard questions you don't want to know the answers to just so you'll have some idea of what's going on. Don't not communicate… be honest and clear. You may have to be firm in asking what the real problem is, otherwise it will continue to go downhill until one of you experiences a meltdown! At the end of this episode, I read a message from a very astute listener of TOB. She shares her four steps to a better life - even in the midst of dealing with her husband's infidelity. Cheating and betrayal didn't stop her from healing herself. She's on a good ride that has a lot of ups and downs, but will be smarter and healthier in the end. It's an inspiring letter and a great way to end the show. Enjoy! Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Access to quality attorneys for $20+ per month. Stop paying hundreds per hour just to ask simple questions! This is a great service that I use myself. Check it out!
Judging Others - Moving from Guilt to Great - Guilt is a Path to Compassion
Judging others is a sign of something you're struggling with or haven't healed from internally. It is anger, sadness, or some other bad feeling that you haven't yet processed that is coming out and being directed at other people. You can say, "What they're doing is wrong!" but how is it wrong to you? Is it a belief or value you hold to be true, or is it something deeper like some other emotional wound that you haven't yet released? Also, how do you deal with judgmental people? If your significant other or a friend or family member is putting someone else down, what do you say or do? It's a great topic to talk about and I share a way you can work with it and maybe even reach a more peaceful place inside yourself. In segment 2, I talk about how to release your hold on guilt. I read a letter from a woman who feels terrible about how she treated her ex-husband. In fact, she feels so bad that her current marriage is suffering. I offer a perspective and a way out of guilt that may just allow you to let go of what you've been regretting for far too long now. Guilt can lead to a place of compassion and it's this one possibility that can lead you out of a dark place and into the light. It's time to release the guilt. It doesn't mean you suddenly feel good, but it's a great start. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com, legal insurance that you can use anytime you have a question or need advice.
When love isn't enough - Will marriage fix dysfunction? - Untying selfishness from personal boundaries - Tolerating abuse
Is love enough? Will it overcome anything that happens in your life? Financial struggles, family problems, arguments, abuse and more... will your faith in love be enough to get you through the tough times? I read a letter from a young man who wonders if love is enough to get through anything. To add a bit of challenge on top of that, what if that love is only one-sided? In the second segment, I read a letter from a woman who's partner has cheated on her multiple times.Her partner knows he has a problem but "can't help it." He believes that marriage will resolve the problem and cure him of this addiction. How long will you accept bad behavior, increasing your toleration for abuse? If there are problems in the relationship today, they will only get worse when you get married. You must create a solid, healthy, loving and supportive foundation before you get married. Marriage amplifies problems - it does not solve them. In segment 3, someone has a battle in their mind about the difference between honoring personal boundaries and being selfish. They are almost crippled in their behavior because they are afraid to honor themselves for fear that it might be selfish. I clear this up right away in today's episode. One thing I go over is that it's so important to define who you are in the world so that the world doesn't define you for you. When they do, you can't be yourself easily, and you will tend to let others violate your boundaries. During the closing of the show, I talk to those who are loving, kind, compassionate and generous. Often, people like this will let bad and abusive people in their life simply because they have a big heart. Not only that, they'll keep them in their life too. I highlight the wonderful aspects of this type of personality and also the dangers. Do you want a meal kit delivery service to make dinner easier? Visit hellofresh.com and make sure to use promo code "brain" when checking out so you can get $35 off your first week!
Racism does not make good rapport - Can Separation save your relationship_ - The standards of a good relationship
Racial sensitivity is prevalent in the first segment of the show as I read a letter from a woman who was slightly offended at my use of stereotypical language in the last episode. Lots to discuss here. I go over that and more on ways to communicate with people that help develop and keep rapport. In segment two, I talk about how separating in your relationship can be highly beneficial and can lead to strengthening the bond between the two of you, but it can also lead to a hard truth that maybe the relationship wasn't destined to be in the first place. Do you take the 50/50 chance knowing that love will blossom better than ever, or come to terms that maybe it never had a chance to begin with. Either way leads to happiness, but you may or may not be together in the end. In an extra segment, I read a message from someone who wants to know about birth order and how it plays a role in your life. I tackle it from the perspective of who your primary role models were. Finally, what are the standards of a good relationship? Also, can sociopathic people can make good friends? They often seem to make terrible lovers, at least if you want an honest, monogamous relationship. All this in more in this packed episode. Enjoy! Get your free audiobook and 30 day trial membership today by visiting audible.com/brain
Why do we dream - The baggage of new love - You either give or take
What's in a dream? Are there literal interpretations or is there deeper meaning that isn't often explored? As always on this show, I go where others rarely do and look at dreams as a representation of emotions. What emotions are present in your dream? Are they revealing ones that might not yet be resolved? Dreams can be a great way to not only discover what they are, but even resolve them if you're persistent enough. This segment is a journey into dreams, including lucid dreaming. In segment 2, I read a letter from someone who is thinking about dating a guy with four different children from four different partners and has a history of bad behavior that landed him in jail, but she wants to know 'if he's turned his life around, should she pursue a relationship with him?' Some say "run", others say, "well, if he's turned his life around, then maybe...". I give my thoughts on the subject which involves taking the blinders of possible love off and considering both the emotional and physical baggage he might still be carrying. One's history does not necessarily reveal who they are today, but it can be a good indicator sometimes. In the closing segment, I talk about what you're contributing or taking away to and from people, the world and even yourself. It's a philosophy that you may or may not agree with, but I use it to determine my path in life and it may work for you too. Today's episode is brought to you by Audible. Get your free book and 30 day trial by visiting audible.com/brain
The Formula for Friendship - Tuning Into the Yellow Flags of Betrayal - Trusting Relationships
Friendships are created and can last a lifetime, but they can also disintegrate, never to be rekindled. What makes a friendship? How do you know if your friends are truly the ones that will be there with you and for you through all the good and bad times? In segment 2, I talk about the warning signs and paying attention to patterns of your suspicions about your partner's behavior, especially if they've betrayed you or lied to you in the past. During the conclusion of the show, I talk a little about trust and how the innocent and naive of us can get scammed or "duped" over and over again in relationships. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper mattresses. Get $50 off a Casper mattress by visiting casper.com/brain and use the code word "brain"
Forget New Years Resolutions, Let's Talk About Commitment and Compatibility
Tune in to every other New Year's podcast if you want to hear about resolutions. I'd rather talk about something you can think about the entire year when it comes to improving your life. Today's episode is all about compatibility and how you can look at any problem in life and narrow it down to a compatibility issue. Sometimes taking out the emotional part of the equation can be helpful if you want to follow the life you want to create for yourself. I realize emotions are what drive us and motivate us and make us whole, but what if your emotions are also what keep you exactly where you are? Are you fighting against the current to try and make things better? Are you stuck? Is your partner compatible with you? Does he or she complimentary or quite the opposite? What about your job? What about that car you drive around, is that compatible? Today's episode is all about the philosophy for living life this whole next year. Follow it and maybe you'll find yourself taking steps that support you instead of ones that hold you back. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Real attorneys ready to help you for only $20 a month!
A Journey into Jealousy - The Dysfunctional Family Holiday Season - Their Emotions are not Your Responsibility
Jealousy is a multi-faceted beast that can motivate you to say or do things that you may not normally say or do. It involves many emotions and can run (and ruin) your life if you don't address the real reasons you get jealous. Sometimes a fantasy is created in your head and you become jealous based on what may not even exist. Other times, there is hard data to prove that what you're jealous about is real and should be investigated further (or acted upon). Is there a good reason to get jealous? Is there a way to heal from this feeling? I drill into jealousy quite a bit in this episode. In segment two, I read a letter from someone who asks why the holidays bring out the worst in people. So many families get together and so many of those gettogethers can be quite dysfunctional. Is there that one person in your family that just seems to ruin the moment? It can be hard to honor yourself in front of people who've known a version of you all their life, especially when you've done a lot of inner work. Can you be in integrity with yourself even in front of your toughest crowd: Family? During the conclusion of the show, I talk about a letter that I received from someone who takes responsibility for his father's debt because he believes that if he hadn't been born, his father wouldn't be in debt. So he now holds the guild of being a burden to his father. That sounds like something we need to heal right away! Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys at established law firms for around $20 a month. You can't beat that!
The Emotional Healing Journey - To Express or Not To Express - Focus on Yourself
The emotional healing journey consists of many ups and downs. A listener asks me how I managed to get through my journey and what I can share with others on what to expect. Whether you're starting your healing journey from scratch or still on a hot path of learning, healing and growing, there's always more to learn. I talk about what it takes to honor your boundaries in a healthy way (instead of waiting until you blow up), and recognizing patterns in yourself that may point back to emotional wounds from the past. What are your results over and over again? Are you succeeding in life or failing miserably? I think it's important to look at where you were, where you're going and what you keep ending up with to determine your level of emotional health. When you start succeeding, however you define it, it is most likely because you've processed and released some old negativity that's been around a long time. I also talk about depression and how it is devoid of emotions. When I was depressed, it was like having no feelings at all. Though, I did feel something because I didn't like how I felt! It was like I was a sponge of negative emotions but I couldn't squeeze them out. Healing can begin the day you start observing your own behavior asking yourself why you do the things you do. It soon feels like you are two different people: The one experiencing the emotion and the other observing your behavior. This is when true healing can begin. Awareness is a major step forward because you are no long on autopilot. You will still have challenges, but you'll also have your observation of how you handle those challenges. And it's not always comfortable. In segment two, I talk about the need to express something to someone but being afraid it will ruin the relationship or ruin their life somehow. Sometimes you walk around holding on to unfinished business and feel like it's important to share how someone else made you feel by something they did a long time ago (or even yesterday). Forgiving and moving on is a step you can take, or perhaps healing within you (self-forgiveness) which doesn't even involve the other person. Either way, you can carry it with you or you choose to process and hopefully release whatever it is. If you are carrying the burden of upset from something someone did to you, it's time to address it in some way. You may have to express to them what you're feeling. Or, maybe it's better to keep to yourself. I kept a family secret for many years and chose to bear the burden of it instead of spill the beans and tell the people I really wanted to tell. I was sworn to secrecy so I had to come to a place of acceptance of that burden in myself. It wasn't easy, but it is possible - and sometimes the best choice considering what might happen if you chose to share what you were told not to. During the conclusion of the show, I read a paragraph from The Overwhelmed Brain book and talk about focusing on yourself for healing and not others, unless they want you too. When I was married, I used to focus on what my wife needed to do to change so that I would be happier. Turns out after seven years of focusing on her, I did little healing in myself. Not only that, I used to be terribly judgmental. She didn't ask for me to "fix" her, but I tried. And the marriage ended. Focusing on others without their consent or desire, even if your intentions are good, can sometimes be what causes them to want to be away from you. Good intentions aren't always motivated by noble thoughts. Sometimes good intentions derive from selfish needs. Healing begins within you, even when it appears that others need to change. Trying to help someone change who didn't ask for it is not honoring their happiness or supporting their path. Keep your focus on yourself and as you grow through your challenges and you might just be able to grow with those you love instead of away from them. Today's episode of TOB is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Real attorneys at established law firms for only $20 a month.
The partner who'd rather be anywhere but home - Honoring myself everywhere but home - The present moment
What do you do when your partner wants to spend more time away from home than with you? Is that a sign that there's something wrong in the relationship? Is there a more serious issue, perhaps they don't feel safe with you? In the first segment, I read a letter from a man who missed his fiance'. She would go out drinking with friends and family and he would be home alone trying not to be offended or hurt. As she spent less time at home, he got more concerned but also gave her the space she asked for. Soon, the wedding was called off and she was moving out. What went wrong? What could he have done differently? Healing needs to take place for sure, but is he focusing on the wrong person during his healing process? In segment 2, Mary honors her boundaries around her boss and friends, but is a people pleaser who to her husband. She's afraid to say no to him but doesn't know why. I ask a lot of questions in this segment, so if you're in a similar situation, you may get the guidance you need. During the closing, I talk about the present moment and some things you can do to be present and even bring meditation into the external world. Today's episode is brought to you by storyworth.com/brain. Get $20 off by following this link!
The Toxic Episode - The toxic relationship - Validating toxic friends - Enabling Toxic Behavior
Toxic relationships - friends, family, coworkers, and more. What can you do if you can't get away from them? Do you even know how to get away from them? How can you continue the relationship when you have no choice but to be with a toxic person? This episode gets into toxic people, including what one reviewer said about my show: Stay Away! I read that review on the air, and also read a couple letters from people that deal with toxic people in their life. Today's episode is brought to you by Casper. Get $50 off a mattress when you use the promo code "brain" during checkout at casper.com/brain.
The Spiritual Lessons Connecting the Past to Present - Letting Family Hit Rock Bottom - Alone on the Holidays
There's a spiritual or philosophical correlation between an event that happened to you in your past and what is happening to you today. You may not recognize the significance of your behavior today, but when you are able to make the connection between present behavior and prior emotional events, it's like plugging a lamp into a socket and watching the light fill the room. The circuit between the past and the present is completed and negative emotions can diminish or disappear. It sounds a bit "out there" but there is a process to go through if you want to try it out yourself. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't know when to let go of family members that seem to be struggling but really aren't doing anything to get out of their struggles. At what point do you let them hit rock bottom? Is it okay to stop trying to help and just let them be until they are ready to make changes on their own? My answer may be a little controversial but it will help you move forward and become a better, healthier you. In the final segment at the end of the show, I talk about what you might be able to do if you're not looking forward to being alone on the holidays. You may or may not want to be alone, but what can you do to feel connection? If you're not a fan of alone time, maybe this will help. Today's episode is brought to you by http://getoutofthemess.com. Contact Asha to learn how you may be able to get out of the legal mess you're in.
Getting better at receiving - Recovering from abusive love - Living with the affair
Giving can feel so good, but receiving can too so why do so many people have trouble receiving? Do you reject gifts or other offers? If so, why would you take the honor to give away from the giver? If you've not thought about it like that before, this segment is for you. In segment two, I read a letter from a woman who feels like she's wasted three years of her life with her emotionally abusive boyfriend. She is no longer in that abusive relationship, but still feels the pain of the loss and the regret of the decisions she made. I highlight just what there is to be grateful for in this situation and talk about the process of self love and compassion. In segment three, a woman holds a secret from her boyfriend. She kissed another man and doesn't want to tell him because he is "blissfully unaware" a woman kissed someone outside of her relationship and now holds on to the fact that she cheated on him because she doesn't want to make him feel bad. Who she'll be in the relationship will be who she is until she gets over it or expresses it. If you decide to not tell, can you live with the guilt. And do you want him to live with a continuous liar. Whatever your values tell you to do is what you should end up doing otherwise you won't be happy. Thanks to Away for sponsoring today's episode. Go to awaytravel.com/brain and use the promo code "brain" for a cool smart case today!
Selfish or self-sustaining? - The mom who wasn't there for me - Obsession about my partner's history
What is acceptable to you and what is not? What is considered self-sustaining and what is selfish? I read an email from someone who's in constant battle in his mind, unsure if he's honoring his personal boundaries or just being completely self serving. He also gets into a debate in his mind and over analyzes to the point of indecision. There's a way to decide, and it involves the question: What what you do if you were completely fearless or not afraid of the consequences? That will usually give you the right answer that honors your boundaries. In segment two, I read a message from a woman who's mom never stepped in to help her kids when they were being abused. She's forgiven her abuser, but not her mom. In fact, she feel abused by her mom even today because of the narcissistic tendencies she has. She's not sure how to honor herself with her mom. Her emotional pendulum is stuck on one side and she hasn't let it swing to the other side to find out what would happen if she truly honored herself with her mom. When dealing with difficult parents, it's best to come from a place of "I love you, but this is a problem". It's honoring from love. For segment three, I talk about obsessing over your partner's history, whether it's all the great sex your partner had (and you feel insecure about it) or even the abuse they experienced (and you are overly empathic and depressed about it). Obsessing over your partner's past keeps you in the past and keeps you from improving yourself to be the best person you can be in the relationship. Today's episode sponsored by harrys.com. Get your free trial kit and use the promo code OVERWHELMED during checkout for your post shave balm.
Sexual abuse should not be taboo. Survivors carry the shame, pain and guilt when the reality is that the perpetrators should be the one carrying those things. The pain of past abuse is real and is doesn't go away without acceptance, letting it come up, processing (in many ways), healing (in many more ways) and finally releasing. This episode is focused on what to do to begin healing and where to go for resources if you want to learn more. More over, there's a movement starting called The Fiona Project that today's guest shares that will help you if you are a survivor or know of one (and there's a 99% chance you know of one). Healing begins now and you do not need to be silent any longer. You are not guilty for being a victim, and the shame belongs on the one who committed the ultimate violation. Go to thefionaproject.org to watch the powerful music video by Asha Lightbearer. The video itself is moving, revealing, and a step into healing. Thank you to Casper for their sponsorship of today's episode. Get $50 off a mattress by going to casper.com/brain and using the codeword "brain" during checkout.
The Meaning of Communication - Guilt by Manipulation - Obsessing Over the Ex
What you say isn't always what they hear. What they understand isn't always what you conveyed. Who is responsible for the communication, you? Them? Both? Neither? It's time to explore this topic. On Ask Paul part 1, I read a message from someone who got out of a manipulative, abusive relationship with a malignant narcissist. It was a crazy time for her and she is healing, but she shares a lesson for us all. On Ask Paul part 2, I read a letter from someone still obsessing over his ex. They were together a short time but he's still grieving over the death of their relationship. What can you do when you're in that state? Thank you to harrys.com for sponsoring today's episode. Go to harrys.com and use the promo code OVERWHELMED to get your free post shave balm.
The Pattern of Anxiety - Saving Anger Only For Those Closest to You
With General Anxiety Disorder, is there a chance of getting free of the consistent feelings of anxiety and panic? Is there a remote chance of feeling better or even making it go away completely? Maybe... Also, I get a letter from a girl whose boyfriend gets jealous so she gets angry which causes him to insult her which causes her to react and so on... is there a solution? I talk a little on jealousy and more on anger and the fact that we often direct our anger at the wrong people. Thank you to naturalsecurus.com for sponsoring today's episode. Use promo code "brain234" and you'll get $5.00 off.
Laughing at Criticism - There Are No Terrible Children - Fixing Your Own Toxic Behavior
Can you laugh at criticism? Do you believe in yourself enough so that when someone calls you anything less than you really are, you can shrug it off without those sometimes hard to avoid feelings? When you get to a place inside where you are proud of yourself no matter what, then you'll find yourself genuinely laughing instead of reacting when someone is being critical of you. Children can seem to do awful things, but they are a result of the programming adults have fed into them since birth. Is it really their fault they are acting in the way they were nurtured and influenced? Finally, is it possible to change manipulative, toxic behavior, and repair the damage to your relationships because of it? Both can be achieved but they require serious introspection. Heal yourself and both situations can improve and evolve. Thank you to harrys.com/trial for sponsoring today's episode. Use promo code "brain" when you're ready for a free shave kit.
Measuring Your Worth and Esteem - Jealous and Insecure in the Relationship
Self-esteem stems from the level of self-worth you have about yourself. That's great to know, but how do you raise either or both so that you can walk through life confidently and assert yourself when needed? There's "street knowledge" then there's book knowledge. Stree Knowledge is real world experience and book knowledge is when you know what to do but don't necessarily know how to do it, or have the courage to do it. So what can you do? Listen to this segment and find out. In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a jealous husband who doesn't like when other people look at his wife. He can't figure out how to get past these feelings. Insecurities abound in this segment so it's a great segue from the last one. There's a little bit of ego involved, a leap of faith, and a lot of trust that may need to be built up in order to allow the jealousy to go away. visit getoutofthemess.com for legal services at a low monthly rate.
The Silent Treatment - The Drawbacks of Non-Confrontational Behavior - Permission to Hate
The silent treatment is like an acid that disintegrates trust and love because of the withdrawal of emotions (emotional withdrawal). I can't trust you with my emotions because when you withdraw, I feel betrayed and abandoned. I also talk about the drawbacks of non-confrontational behavior and how choosing not to confront disintegrates love and bonding. When you choose to be non-confrontational, it's like telling the other person "I don't want to tell you the whole truth". And what about hate? Are you allowed to feel hate? Should you? I think it's important to acknowledge and accept every part of you and every thought instead of resisting your thoughts. Otherwise, you go around holding on to a lot of negativity which you eventually unleash on those you love.
Indecision and Stagnation - Realizations of a New, Bad Marriage - Music and Emotions
Permanent decisions are not always permanent, we just think they are. Even marriage nowadays isn't permanent, as much as we want it to be. And even when everything is going great, "stuff" happens and makes things not so great anymore which forces us to change or fall. There's a great quote I read about flat squirrels and indecisions (if you think hard enough, you'll understand that right away) and it makes for a great topic to talk about. In segment 2, I read an email from someone who sees every red flag in a new marriage yet doesn't walk away. Her values and boundaries are being violated and she finds nothing to love about a man she's already married to on paper. Then she asks if there is any hope. Hmm... In segment 3 I talk about how music is a great mood changer but shouldn't necessarily replace deeper reflection and processing of buried emotions Make sure to visit awaytravel.com/brain and use promo code brain to get $20 off your order!
Losing Your Identity in the Relationship - The Brilliant, Worthy You - Exes as Friends - The Right Partner
Nurturing yourself while you're in a relationship decreases the impact breaking up has if and when it happens. The more you keep the connection with yourself and don't lose a part of you in the relationship, the healthier you stay. You lose your identity in a relationship when you don't nurture yourself. When family doesn't honor you and see your worth, sometimes you just have to distance yourself from them so that you reconnect with brilliant, worthy you. Not everyone is capable of seeing what you are so it's important to continue nurturing and supporting yourself as if you were your own child or best friend. When you partner has a friend who is also an ex, how do you feel about that? Do they talk all the time? Do they have to communicate because of shared custody of children? Do they communicate more than you'd like? It's important to understand where your line is and when your partner is crossing it, otherwise their ex becomes a part of your relationship which can be damaging if you're not all good friends to begin with. visit casper.com/brain and use promo code "brain" to get $50 off an awesome mattress!
The Bad First Impression - Living with Debilitating Pain - Fear of Doing Whats Right For You
Making a bad first impression is not necessarily your fault. You could be well dressed, have a great hair day, good breath, and even the best personality, but that mole behind your ear makes them think of their mean uncle and suddenly their first impression of you is that you aren't trustworthy and will hurt them. Quite a jump, but this happens quite a bit. I talk about a first impression a listener got with this show and how he criticized over 170 episodes by listening to one 15 minute segment. What do you do when that one person criticizes you? How do you not feel the emotional pain behind such a thing? In the second segment, I answer a message from a woman who is experiencing debilitating pain and is fighting her way to feeling better. She used to be active and on stage, and now she is jobless and lives with her father. Not only is there physical pain, but also suffering through embarrassment of her circumstances. She lies to friends just so they don't know her situation. Finally, I respond to a letter from someone who feels almost ashamed for staying with a toxic person, and she's afraid to leave because "what if I can't find a good man?" I think her focus needs to change. Depending on where you focus, you'll either stay where you are or make the changes you need to get out of the rut you're in. The Overwhelmed Brain is much more enjoyable when you tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on and so on, and so on. Today's sponsor: http://getoutofthemess.com bhzpkynz
The Yeah But Mentality - Life After Abuse - Rejecting Former Friends
Ever have a friend that said "Yeah But..." to every good suggestion you made? How about when they actually ask for your advice, you give it, but they don't do it because their excuse machine activates? There are two types of people I talk about in the first segment: Yeah But people, and Okay I'll Try It people. Sure, there are millions of other types of people out there, but it's a good start. Also, I receive a letter from a woman who decided to remove toxic family members from her life and get away from abuse. She took massive first steps, but what's next? How can you recover from a life of abuse? How can you get to a place beyond where you can relax and feel good again? Finally, I read another letting about what it might take to reject people in your life. How about those sensitive people that might be hurt by rejection? Is there a way to get away from those who keep showing up when you don't want them to? Sounds like a great thing to talk about. Today's sponsor wants you to get your free will. Go to getoutofthemess.com and sign up today!
Building emotional deficit - Can't find or keep friends - In Love But Still Cheated
Should you receive for everything you give? You bet, but maybe not in the way you're thinking. You can build an emotional deficit by giving and giving and not receiving in the way you'd like. Resentment can build and you can get very tired of being a people pleaser. Also I receive a letter from someone who feels socially inept. He can't make or keep friends, and he feels awkward on dates. Sometimes being yourself is the best solution, but who are you really being during those awkward silences? Finally I talk about woman who is deeply in love with her husband yet and has a great sex life, yet still cheated anyway. She can't figure out why so I explore why even a good marriage or relationship experiences infidelity. Episode 150 today... let's celebrate! I talk about TOB's progression throughout the years at the beginning of this episode.
My Partner Changed But Is It Too Late - Guilt About Leaving the Marriage - More Manipulative People
I talk a little more on manipulative people and share with you what might make them that way in the first place. Association and dissociation may play a role in their behavior. If you're not familiar with those terms, you will be after this episode. And, what if you do all this healing and growth but you realize that your partner doesn't want to change? In fact, they are happy just where they are, dysfunction and all. But instead of leaving, you decide to create accountability and tell them if they don't shape up, you're shipping out! Then finally, after two years of hard work, they finally grow into the person you can appreciate and respect. But... are you still in love with them? Is it too late now? I get a letter that addresses that very question. How about guilt for thinking about leaving your abusive spouse? Yes, people can actually develop guilty feelings for thinking about leaving someone that disrespects and even abuses them. That's an important topic to discuss, so let's dive into that too. Today's episode is brought to you by casper.com/brain. Get $50 off using the promo code "brain" during checkout and get an awesome mattress to boot (free shipping in the US and Canada).
The Dysfunction of The New Normal - Offending Defensive People
Has dysfunction become the new normal for you? Are you in a relationship where your toleration for bad behavior is so high that you don't even recognize what's bad for you anymore? That sounds like a topic for discussion if you ask me! Also, I read a letter from someone who wants to know how to deal with defensive people. There is a path to working with those types and becoming aggressive or offensive back is not typically the best way to handle their behavior. You may have to become a bit of a sleuth. Find out more in today's episode!
Strength in vulnerability - What if divorce is a mistake? - Never happy without someone else in my life
Vulnerability is the final step into your strength. Your emotional core contains all of your emotions, your shame, fear, guilt embarrassments, sadness and also your joy, happiness, peace and lot of other good feelings. But in childhood, we learn to close off that core and only let in and out so much because we've been emotionally wounded. Letting those defensive walls come down lets both the bad and the good out, but only the good sticks around when you do it right. Also, I read a letter from a woman who doesn't want anything to change except maybe her marriage, but that means a lot of other things have to change as well. So she's not sure if getting a divorce is the right decision. Finally, I read a second email from a 24 year old who has chosen a career path that he is unhappy with. On top of that, his girlfriend left him and he is not happy unless someone else is in his life. Lots to talk about today. Thanks for listening!
The choice to confront - Release the pressure of negativity - can long distance love work
Confronting friends, family, the boss, the spouse, or any other dangerous people ;) can cause anxiety, fear and panic... but why? Why do we fear expressing what we want to anyone in our lives? If you're brought up to shut your mouth and keep your ears open, and any sign of expressing yourself got squashed (or you feared expressing yourself for other reasons), then you probably have a challenge confronting people. Speaking of squashing things, how about the negative energy that forms while doing the confronting? Wouldn't it be nice for that to dissipate? There are ways, and I share my thoughts on that. Finally I read a letter from a woman who left her ex-husband behind because she was learning, growing and evolving, and he was staying where he was. She was energetic, he was not. The rift kept widening, so she left. Now she's happy! However, she's in another relationships where her loved one is 1000 miles away and neither of them can move. Can long distance relationships work? Visit patron.theoverwhelmedbrain.com for private episodes and More!
When people don't like you - Is it time to get a divorce - Some family isn't healthy to keep
Not everyone is going to like what you bring to the table. Sometimes people have high expectations of you and you don't deliver causing them to have a critical view of you. Is this your fault or the fault of the person who set up expectations that you couldn't meet? I read a critical review of The Overwhelmed Brain and talk about that very thing today. They're not always "haters" but they can ruin our day. I also talk about gurus, preachers and god-like teachers and hope I don't fit into any of those categories above. Every time I'm open, honest and vulnerable, it helps me heal which is why I'm so open on the show. If anything is repressed in you, it needs to come out. When you lock the doors to your emotional core, you don't feel the pain but you're also blocking the good stuff too. And how do you know if it's time for a divorce? You need to assess the past to determine the future. Has there been any progress? Have you been any happier? Has your partner made any improvement? Have things gotten better? If the answer is no, the answer will likely be no. No progress up to this point shows no progress in the future. As you go forward in your relationship, if nothing has changed, nothing will change. Nothing will ever get better if nothing has gotten better and nothing will ever change as long as you stay together. Finally, I talk about the decision to stay or leave. When you're in a relationship and you're thinking about splitting up, breaking up, or divorce, take out the fear out of the question and then ask yourself what the decision is. Regret only plays a part if you base your decision on fear. For more TOB, join the Patron Program today patron.theoverwhelmedbrain.com
The secrets that we keep - Feeling overexposed and hollow inside - Lonely when you are not alone
Where do you go when you have a secret that you believe someone else needs to know? Are you loyal to the secret teller? Do you tell the person who should know the secret? It's a question to ponder, where do your loyalties lies and what should you do with a secret you are committed to keeping? Also, I receive a letter from someone who shares and expresses to as many people as she can but still doesn't feel like she's released or vented her emotions, so she ends up feeling empty and still having pain. Unresolved emotions fester inside of us until we address them in some way, but sometimes we don't know that we're still not deep enough inside the emotional well and all we're doing is pulling up empty buckets. Speaking of emptiness, feeling lonely even when around friends and family is a big challenge too. Lots to talk about today.
Getting control back - The small door out of depression - The unforever soulmate - Emotionally disconnected partners
Are you at a job that feels like you are being dominated or controlled? Is there a way out of this without quitting? There may be. I get a response from a listener who wrote before who took my advice for her about her work situation and everything turned out for the better. Controlling bosses no longer drove her mad. What keeps you at work you don't like anyway? What's motivating you to stay miserable? Also, what is it with depression? Why does depression kick in so hard and why is it so hard to get back out once you're in it? No joy, no pain, no feeling at all - suicidal thoughts can come into play and sometimes you're so apathetic you don't even care about that. There is a small door, or portal, out of depression and I talk about that door. In Ask Paul, I read a letter from someone who can't stop obsessing over her boyfriend's friendship with his ex-girlfriends, and hates it when he talks about other girls in general. And finally I end the show with a few words on emotionally disconnect people. Many of my coaching clients are married to them! For more TOB, join the Patron Program today patron.theoverwhelmedbrain.com
You still have to do the work - Protecting your kids from dysfunction - The chain of thoughts
All this personal growth work is great and all, but you have to actually do the work in order for your life to get better. The main reason is because you need feedback from your environment. You test, observe, test again, take action. You learn through your results. And in order to change your results, your desire has to overcome the results you're getting now. If that happens, your life will change a lot easier. Also, I read a letter from a mom who feels paralyzed by dysfunctional family members and is scared her child is going to pick up or become dysfunctional because of their bad behavior. Family can sometimes be toxic, especially around children. Children know right from wrong, even when they're exposed to toxic stuff, but as long as they have a healthy role model, sometimes the toxicity from others doesn't rub off on them. Be the best role model you can be and your child will do much better because of it. Finally, I talk about the subtle change in your thought can lead to a good outcome or a bad one.
Taking the opposite advice - I feel unlovable and unwanted
Anxiety, anger, sadness and other emotional advice on the internet seems to be the same where ever you look: Think positively, breathe, count to 10, etc. I'm generalizing of course, but many times, it'll seem like you're reading the same article over and over again, as if the information is just being passed from blog to blog. But, what would happen if you turned the advice around and did the opposite? Funny thing is, that's how I developed some of the tools over here at The Overwhelmed Brain. I just take "normal" advice and do the opposite to see what happens. Hmm... seems to work! Also, I get a letter from a woman who has it all together, found a great relationship, but then the guy left for seemingly no reason. Now she feels hurt, unlovable, unwanted and isn't sure if her pain is from the past before the relationship started or from the breakup itself. This is a LOADED episode and may take two sittings before you get through it.
Learning your boundaries - Utilizing anger in a healthy way - Accepting the limitations of others
Anger can rise in you because of a violation of your personal boundaries, but do you even know what your boundaries are? Sometimes we feel anger and we aren't even sure why. It's a good time to learn what your boundaries are and at what point you can be pushed before you "lose it". I read an email from someone who got so angry that he forgot what he said while he was in that state. There is a choice you have to utilize anger for your protection or to attack, and what you choose will determine if you're in control and if you'll create a better outcome or not. Where your anger takes you is up to you as long as you stay conscious long enough to utilize it in the best way possible for everyone involved.
Acting from Integrity - Balancing personal growth with relationship growth - Knowing when you are out of love - Making the right choices
A listener calls me out and tells me, "You couldn't take a couple minutes to answer me personally?" I read her message on the air and respond to it. I always do my best to act from a place of integrity... did I mess up? Also, I received an email from someone in a relationship that may not work out. She wants to know how to balance her own personal growth with the work she's done in her relationship (and not ruin that work). And she also wants to know if she's done everything she can do before leaving the relationship. 'Have I turned the last "Falling out of love" stone before I completely give in to the truth?' When do you really know when you're out of love? There's also another segment on how an Adult Child of an Alcoholic can trust themselves after living a life without it. Self-trust is a process and there is a way to have it again. Overall, this episode is PACKED with personal growth and development lessons. Too much to describe, you'll just have to listen! Sponsor: http://getoutofthemess.com
Kids get overwhelmed brains too. After hearing from a few kids that listen to the show, I decided to dedicate an episode talking about the hardships that kids face. From school and getting made fun of to home and some of the dysfunctions that can be present there. Kids have it tough, because the whole world is new and they are developing experience on the fly. Whereas adults already have so much experience under their belt that they may have forgotten the plight of being a kid and what it takes to get through some of life's more challenging situations. Even as adults, we have a kid in us that wants to cry, play, laugh, get angry, and more, so we need to learn to nurture the kid in us to have a more balanced, happier life. Whether you're a kid or not, and whether you have kids or not, there is something in this episode for everyone.
Healing from New Age Thinking - The fears in honoring yourself - The stolen childhood of Adult Children of Alcoholics
Are you annoyed by affirmations? It's how I start off every show. I take a few minutes to explain why that is. Also I talk about positive thinking and bridging the gap between emotions and reason. Next when you fear honoring yourself, what can you do? It's great advice to tell someone: "Just honor your boundaries then you can start creating the life you want!" Which of course is something I say all the time. But what if you are just too afraid to? Finally I read a letter from an adult child of an alcoholic who felt that his playfulness was stripped away because of the state of fear he lived in growing up in an alcoholic household. Enjoy this longer episode of The Overwhelmed Brain.
The relationship you have with yourself - Wanting the anxiety to go away - Enabling abusive people
When we talk to ourselves, we really are communicating with another part of ourselves, a deeper subconscious part that has within it a deeper understanding of what really motivates us in life. Sometimes we don't want to communicate with a part of ourselves that feels the pain, but if we don't, that part feels neglected, lonely, hurt and rejected and more. Also, is there a path out of generalized or health anxiety? Does it ever end? There are times when anxious thoughts can help you achieve your goals, then there is the anxiety that we don't want. Finally, I discuss abusive people that we continue to let return to our lives over and over again. Are they abusing us, or are we just abusing ourselves?
The Process of Self-Sabotage - You don't have to forgive everyone - Anxiety all the time
Why do we fall off course so easily? When you prioritize tasks
that take your time away from the things you want to accomplish,
you fall back farther and farther until you are no longer making
progress. In fact, you might even end up going backwards.
Sometimes you are not in alignment with a bigger vision for
yourself. The reason is because you might actually have a value
hidden under the surface that you didn't even know was there.
Also, is it necessary to forgive others? Learning that
forgiveness is all about what's going on inside of you is the first
step to healing. The second step is accepting others for who they
are today. Doesn't mean you have to keep them around though!
Finally, what do you do when you have generalized anxiety, or
what one listener asked about: Health Anxiety. Anxiety is such a
prevalent condition for so many sufferers... it's time to get to a
better place inside ourselves so that it isn't so intrusive.
Finding a career that works for you with Scott Barlow
Do you like the career path you are on? I invite Scott Barlow,
an expert in life and career mentoring to help you get an
understanding of knowing the path you want to take in life. He's
offering a free 8 day video course at
It's a great talk and might give you some insight if you're
doing what you really enjoy or not. You probably already know if
you enjoy what you're doing, but Scott helps you break down how to
figure out if you're going to be happy doing it indefinitely.
Depending on Abusive People - When Physical Pain Will Not End - Should You Take Someone Who Desperately Wants You
Being in abusive relationship of any kind, especially where you have a dependency on the abuser for one reason or another leaves you in a tough spot. Can you leave and still be okay, or are you so dependent that leaving will put you in a worse situation? This is a tough position to be in so what do you do? Also, sometimes you reach the limits of practicality and have to explore deeper, alternative forms of emotional or physical pain control. You may even step into things a bit outside your belief system. After all, once you open your mind to being open to anything, opportunities present themselvesFinally, when someone desperately wants you back, is it a good decision to take them back? "You complete me" is sometimes laughed about as a quote from a movie, but some take it seriously and believe they actually do need someone to complete them. Is that healthy? Maybe not so much.
Codependency: The Subtle Erosion of Love and Connection
Codependence is when two or more people fulfill a need for each other that strengthens a dysfunction between them. You usually see this kind of thing between a helper / people-pleaser and a drug addict or an alcoholic. Of course, even someone who is just needy or desperate for attention can be the second half of a codependent relationship.
It is the dysfunction of one person continuing to support the dysfunctional behavior of another. It's the perfect imbalance of love and energy.
Are all of your needs met? Do you know why you make the decisions you do? Our needs motivate our behavior. If you respond to life's events from a low level of survival, it'll be more difficult to succeed in a loving relationship or keep steady employment or even gain a level of self-esteem and confidence. Let alone being able to pursue your hobby and passions.
Reaching your potential in life has to start with a shift in your motivation to realize success and fulfillment.
Resolving Emotions Mindfully - I'm Not Cheating So Whats The Big Deal
I watched a recent Ted Talk with Dr. Judson Brewer who teaches mindfulness to cure addictions. I was surprised to learn that I actually did the process he talks about to cure my addiction to sugar many years ago. I share that story and what you can do to use mindfulness to help you feel better in almost any situation, whether it's a craving or a negative emotion. For the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a woman who is with a man who flirts and texts with another woman. She says there's been no affair, but she still feels cheated on and still cannot trust him, so she lives with fear and suspicion. Does she have to live this way or are there options? sponsor: http://getoutofthemess.com
Keep Showing Up and Bringing Value - Dealing With The Pain of Lost Love and Starting the Healing
I got nervous when I was invited to speak on a world record breaking authority summit... but I did it anyway. But why was I nervous?
I host a show that thousands listen to every week, so why is it different? When there's no Edit button, things get real. But that's a good thing because when you're absolutely real, even when you're nervous, you end submitting to the person you really are.
If you're truly authentic, you have nothing to be nervous about because it's easy to be yourself. It's when you choose to act as if you know more than you know when you get into trouble.
I talk about just showing up and giving the best version of yourself in this episode. The second half deals with an email from a woman who was promised a grand, long future with her ex... until he left her and had a baby with someone else. Ouch!
We need to talk about this.
Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com
Kids Humiliating Kids - My Boss is Irrational - Enablers Give Their Dependents a Free Ride - The Meaning of Spirituality
It's an Ask Paul marathon! First, I'll talk about how bullies love when you react negatively and what to do to squash the energy behind their bullying. This is from a letter from a kid who got bullied in school and was humiliated to the point where he didn't want to go back. Adopting a "who cares?" attitude can be very helpful in situations like this!Second, I talk about someone with an irrational boss. What do you do when your boss is completely crazy? The lizard brain kicks in and you can react like a human, or perhaps what really needs to happen is for you to react like another lizard!In this episode, I also talk about spirituality - something I rarely talk about on this show. When the trauma is too much and you can't get beyond it, maybe spirituality is a factor in healing. After all, when even the worst events in life have a positive meaning of some sort, it can sure help get beyond the pain and other negative feelings.
Finally, I discuss enabling and empowerment. This episode is PACKED. Enjoy.
You Cannot Control Every Thought - Taking the Leap Into The Improved You - Making Empowered Decisions Around Family
The quest for happiness and staying positive is fraught with sadness and negativity, yet the existence of those things is exactly what it takes to experience the totality of a fulfilling life. You can't always be happy, and you wouldn't even know what happiness is if you didn't have the contrast of sadness. At the same time, if your life is full of hardship and pain, maybe happiness never arrives. Then what? Also, today's Ask Paul, I receive a letter from someone who doesn't believe she knows how to, or even deserves, happiness. Whenever she gets around family, she becomes "small" and is afraid to show them her new and improved self: The one who's had all this personal growth and development. She's afraid to move into that space so she stays the fearful child she always felt around them. Family is the hardest part of personal growth. Learn what it takes to be the real you in front of them in today's show. Get out of the mess by going to getoutofthemess.com - Real attorneys giving you legal advice for $20 a month.
The Abused Mind in Relationships - A Listener Gets Cheated On And Kicked Out - Wanting Others To Do What You Believe is Right
Getting into an abusive relationship is a quick path to a horrible future. Getting into a great relationship however can seem like the best thing that ever happened... unless they cheat, then it feels like an abusive relationship, sometimes. If you decide to stay in a relationship where you know infidelity is happening, are you being abused or are you abusing yourself? There's a mindset that kicks in after the initial shock of finding out about the betrayal, and that mindset sets your toleration level to an all time high, causing you to accept more bad behavior. It's not fun and can beat you down until you are completely broken. I talk about that and other relationships woes today. Today's sponsor: http://getoutofthemess.com
Spotting the Red Flags of Incongruent Metaphysical Teachings - Keeping Your Cool at Work - Empowering Others
Metaphysical malpractice was a term I was unfamiliar with until a friend of mine mentioned to me how a few metaphysical teachers were incongruent in their teachings. They say and teach one thing, but behave an entirely different way in their personal lives. I have some comments on that I share in today's episode.
In Ask Paul, I answer an email from someone who is having trouble keeping her cool at work. How do you deal with disorganized coworkers or supervisors who always have a fire that you need to put out? And what if you put that fire out months ago and they still believe it's lit, so they come to you blaming you for something that A: isn't really a problem now and B: thinks you're to blame (even though they don't realize it isn't actually a problem)? There are steps you can take for sure.
In the final segment I talk about what it takes to empower others without really doing much but giving them the choice to make a choice.
Healing And Growing From The Dysfunction of Childhood - The Depression of Sexuality
Childhood is one of those times that many of us wanted to enjoy, but simply couldn't. Some of us had to suffer because of a dysfunctional upbringing, which caused us to create false beliefs about the world when we turned into adults. These beliefs ruined jobs and relationships, and caused us to question our lives by saying, "Is this all there is? Is this all I have to look forward to for the rest of my life?"Unfortunately, we don't always have the right tools or resources we need to be "functional" after we leave a dysfunctional situation. Mainly because we create beliefs about the world that we think are absolutely true. We bring these "truths" with us as we go through life, then we can't figure out why we keep feeling miserable all the time. This isn't everyone's story, but at one time, it was mine. I share it in this special episode where Alen Standish of innereffort.com interviews me about my past, my relationships, my judgment issues, and what tools I used to get out of the funk I was in for over 35 years of my life. Thanks to innereffort.com and getoutofthemess.com
Aligning With Fulfillment - The Disrespecting Unloving Relationship - Brain Trick For Eliminating Negative Emotions
There's a reason we run into obstacles that stop us from getting what we want in life, and that has to do with what we are aligned with most at a deeper, unconscious level. When we are out of alignment with that, we fall off course and things fall apart. Today I give you a quote, well really a question, to stick on your refrigerator, cubicle wall, bathroom mirror and everywhere else you'll see it so that you stay on course and keep moving along the path on which you are most aligned.
In today's Ask Paul segment, I read an email from someone who is disrespected, dismissed and pretty much ignored in her relationship. She's been thinking about divorce, but can't stand the idea of "another failed marriage". One thing I stress to when you don't have a marriage, at least the way it "should" be, then you can't have a "failed marriage" either.
The marriage certificate tells the world you're married, but if marriage is being miserable every day... then you're not really married at all. So perhaps it's time to celebrate a successful divorce! Or not - because it's definitely a personal choice that has a number of possible outcomes.
Finally, I talk about a neat brain trick where you can have a memory that feels bad, but dissolve or at least greatly diminish the negative emotions connected to it. It doesn't mean you can't learn from it and take those learnings into your future, but you can move forward without having to continue feeling bad about things you can't do anything about.
It's not a cure all bad emotion destroyer, but it may just give you enough to not feel so bad about particular events that happened in your life.
Today's episode is brought to you by Asha with getoutofthemess.com
The Emotional Debt of Financial Debt - A Listener Works Minimum Wage and Owes Two Hundred Thousand for College - You Are a Specialist
Henrik Ibsen said that "Home life ceases to be free and beautiful as soon as it is founded on borrowing and debt." When I was in my first long-term relationship, I wanted to get married, and fortunately, so did she! However, I said we'll get married as soon as we're both out of debt. The next 6 years of being engaged and not being married really made it clear what my priorities were in love, money and life. We never did get married, and soon we were split. Fast forward a few years and I make the same commitment to another woman. This time, we did it, we got out of debt! In fact, the day we got married, we were debt free. AND... we were also flat broke. We had nothing left. We lost our jobs, our apartment, our savings... all gone. And we ended up having to be a part of the welfare system while being sheltered by loving family. BUT... we were out of debt!I guess you have to be careful what you wish for, and be very specific what you mean!We got married the day we were broke. A friend got us a hotel room, and we enjoyed two days of "honeymoon". Henrik has a point. During my first relationship, we were in debt. During my second relationship, we were completely out of debt, and broke. In both relationships, there was financial trouble and it affected us. So what's the secret? Can there be success in a relationship when there are money issues?Yes and...Any and all problems will be amplified because of other problems. That's true with anything. When you have one problem, other problems tend to get amplified because one problem isn't resolved. And problems tend to compound. You might wonder why your partner brings things up from the past. It's because those things are still somehow unresolved - and the problems of today compound those original problems. What's the solution? For me, it was to get single, regroup, and re-order my priorities in life so I didn't bring my dysfunctions into the next relationship. I had money dysfunctions, so I needed to own those and change those without involving anyone else. In the past, we took it on together. But now I realize I need to fix myself before I can do anything about "us". That's the trick. If you're in a relationship, and you have challenges, then prioritize what needs to be tackled first (the biggest problem) and resolve that. Once you get some relief from one problem, your mind can be a bit more clear for the next one. Now, my challenges are mine, and hers are hers. YES we help each other and YES we work together when possible, but at the end of the day, I know I have my own stuff to work on, and it expands who I am when I'm able to really dig into myself and address what's happening inside me. We can come together and we can ask for help, but we also know that we, as individuals still have to do our own internal work. This is an empowered place to be. It's not a reliance on someone else, it's an alliance with someone else to agree to be there as much as you can for the other person, but returning to yourself to continue learning, growing and evolving to be the best "you" you can be for the other person. I still work on this daily. I talk about this on today's episode, and I also share a letter from someone with $200,000 in debt. Hmm, someone who's had money challenges talking about someone who has money challenges... is this going to work? ;)Let's find out!
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A Yes Person Can Say No - Fear While Talking to People - Even a Goldfish has Emotions
If you're a "yes person", you find yourself saying "Yes" to others. However, what you're really doing is saying "No" to yourself. Doing this causes you to reach burn out after a number of years. You get jaded by friends and family taking advantage of your "generosity", all because you're too nice to say no. There's a way out of this, and it will take baby steps, but it's time to gain some empowerment and start saying "Yes" to yourself. In the Ask Paul segment, I read a letter from a woman who starts to feel fear when talking to people, whether that's because she feels stupid or like she's being judged. No matter what causes it, I talk about a couple of approaches that take the fear out of the equation. Finally, I change things up and talk about animals and emotions. In my opinion, there is absolutely emotions in animals - it's a non-issue, but no matter what you believe, this segment explains my experience with the subject and how I can tell emotions are at play and not just animal instinct. Episode brought to you by getoutofthemess.com
Transforming the Jerk - Ask Paul About Waiting During a Long Distance Relationship - Making a Contingency Plan in Case of a Break Up or Divorce
There are jerks in our lives, at least that what we tend to call them sometimes, that just never stop getting on our nerves. We hope they act differently, but they never change their ways.
Is there anything we can do? Well, we can open our hearts and see what happens. Scary thought!
And why would we want to open our hearts to someone who acts so bad towards us? Find out in this episode.
Also, in the Ask Paul segment, I read a message from someone who is in a long distance relationship and isn't sure what to do since it will be three years until they can be together.
What would you do? Would you wait? Could you?
Finally, what's your contingency plan in case of a break-up or divorce? Do you have one? I'm not talking about your heart, I'm talking about your finances mostly. Some people are left with nothing after a break-up because they believed that what they had would never end.
The truth is hard to face that it is possible that what you have could end, so maybe it's a good idea to take care of yourself at least a little bit in the relationship too - that way if it all goes down, you won't have so many pieces to pick up and put back together. Today's episode is sponsored by getoutofthemess.com where you can spend $20 a month on legal representation to ask questions, write letters on your behalf and more!
A Perspective on Living with Chronic Pain - Coming Out in the World and Broadcasting Your True Self
How can you live with chronic pain? How do you get through the suffering? Is there a path to freedom or is it a never-ending event that will plague you for the rest of your life?
Also, in the Ask Paul segment, I receive a letter from a gay man in his 40s suffering from a deep depression who cannot get a good night's sleep and hasn't "come out" to show the world the way he truly wants to live and what he really wants to say.
Chronic physical pain is part 1 and chronic emotional pain is part 2. Episode bought to you by getoutofthemess.com - Actual attorneys for less than a dollar a day.
The Snapping Point of Lasting Change and Finding Compassion When People are Petty
We all have a snapping snapping point and it can change our world when it happens.
I remember the first time I stood up for myself. I was 10.
We had just finished wrestling, as boys tend to do, and I was done... but he wasn't.
I sat at the table, tired and really not interested in wrestling anymore. And he kept saying, "Come on, let's wrestle some more."
I was like, "Nope, I'm done. Too tired, don't want to anymore."
"Come on, let's wrestle again!"
"No. I don't want to."
"Come on!" (play slaps my face)
"No... I'm done!"
"Let's go, let's just wrestle a little more!"
I don't know where it came from, but my hand turned into a fist, and my body twisted while my arm swung towards his face.
My fist connected with his jaw, and he went to the ground holding his mouth.
I sat down calmly and spoke softly, "I told you, I don't want to wrestle anymore."
He eventually got up (seemed like 5 minutes, but it was probably like 20 seconds or something - who knows!) and went home.
Up until that time, I had been a real pushover. That "friend" was actually a bully that forced me to be his friend mainly because I didn't know how to say no.
There's only so long you can be forced to do something you don't want to do until you snap. That buildup had been going on for over a year or more, and I'd had enough of his bullying.
Wow, that felt good.
The next day, he apologized and said he and his mom were going to get Chinese food and asked if I wanted to go with them.
Honestly, I didn't want anything to do with him ever again.
I hated him.
But I felt my old ways kicking in and said "yes" as I always did, and we started hanging out again after that.
Those years, where I HAD to be his friend, were quite grueling for me. You'd think once I snapped and knocked him down, I'd have this sense of empowerment and self-confidence. And for that brief moment, I did!
But I let my old personality return and I was back where I started in no time.
I never got to experience that snapping point again until I was well into my 30s. But that time, I didn't have to punch anyone - I just had to realize that I WAS IMPORTANT.
I am important enough to honor and respect AND protect from things I don't want in my life. The event that took place is another story for another time, but when this realization occurred and I honored myself for the first time in decades, I was old and wise enough to make it stick this time and from now on.
At that moment, I thought something to the effect of, "I will always honor myself even if the consequences may be unpleasant."
Of course, I would pick and choose situations to do that, but it was a new way of being... a new philosophy by which to live.
Do YOU honor yourself when there's a chance it could lead to unpleasant circumstances? Or do you hold back and let people walk all over you so your're honoring THEIR boundaries over yours?
If you've spent a lifetime honoring other people's boundaries at the cost of violating your own (like I have), then maybe it's time to treat yourself as your own best friend.
A best friend will guide you and stand up for you. They will be there when you need them.
When you can be your own best friend, you will change your world. Your best friend will help you keep your dignity and live authentically.
Your best friend will keep you from reaching that "snapping" point where you can't take anymore, because you will have already taken care of yourself.
That's what I want for you.
I also answer a letter from a woman who finds herself not really feeling compassionate towards people's petty problems.
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Standing Up For Yourself Is The Right Thing - Getting Resistance While Honoring Your Boundaries - A Listener Stops Listening and Calls Me Out
Brene Brown said it so eloquently: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."Many years ago, I remember having to disappoint my bosses during my one year anniversary. They brought me in for my evaluation, gave me a promotion, praised me for the amazing work I'd been doing over the past year, were excited about where I was going in the company, and gave me the tiniest raise I'd ever been given in my life. I was like... "Wow... Thank you?"That's what I thought in my head. But what I SAID was, "I'm rather disappointed. I thought I'd be getting a lot more money. With all the weekends I put in, all the projects I took on, and all the time I've spent helping out everyone I can, I really expected a lot more."They were like, "Oh..." The look on their faces went from excitement to confusion, and the moment got awkward. Then I said, "I really have to think about my future here. Don't worry, I'm not quitting, but I do need to think about things."And that was how I thanked them for their praise and generosity. It may have seemed ungrateful, with so many people unemployed at the time, but what was most important to me was that I valued myself enough to stand up for myself. I valued "me" enough to speak my mind, politely of course, but I honored myself that day and it felt pretty damn good. 3 months later, I left that position and started a coaching business. My life's never been the same. I believe in standing up for yourself when you know it's the right thing, and accepting the consequences of doing just that. Not many people are willing to accept getting fired or getting dumped or whatever the consequences are, but when you live and express your truth, your true path is revealed. The hard part is accepting that there will be a hard part!I talk about that on today's episode. Also, I read two letters: One from a woman who wants to know how to honor her boundaries without getting so much resistance, AND a really great letter from someone who calls me out! She thinks I have some sort of pathology and may need therapy. Is she right? Let's find out!
Attorneys for $20 a month http://getoutofthemess.com/
The physical symptoms of emotional turmoil - The Unfaithful Husband and the Wife Who Never Let it Go - A Story of Giving for the Holidays
So much of our emotional pain that doesn't get expressed can turn into actual physical ailments that won't go away until those emotions are expressed and released. Sometimes the damage can be permanent and we'll need to seek medical attention, and other times the healing starts right away. One thing for sure, you start healing when you start expressing. In today's Ask Paul segment, a woman is still holding on to emotional pain from being cheated on. Can she forgive and move on while being married to someone who really does appear to have changed, or is she doomed to feel terrible for the rest of their marriage because she can't get over it. Finally, I read a story of giving called The Gift of the Magi. It's a unique episode and one I know you'll enjoy. Happy holidays!
Today's sponsor: Get legal insurance for less than a dollar a day! http://getoutofthemess.com
Finding peace when so many people are suffering - Listener email about desperately wanting to save a relationship - inner emotion expressed outwardly through voice and movement
With bombings, shootings and other terrorism going on, how can you find peace and see the world as a better place. The news sensationalizes the bad but never glorifies the good. It's okay to feel okay, and I'll tell you why in this episode.
Also, I receive a listener email that talks about wanting to save her relationship after a big move. She moved away, then he moved down to be with her, then things fell apart from there.
Finally, I talk about how our internal emotional energy can be expressed through our voice inflection and body movement - strange but true (well, my opinion).
visit getoutofthemess.com for legal services for less than a dollar a day!
"I Want to End My Life" - A Letter from a 14 Year Old Considering Suicide - Special Episode
A child wants to end her life but writes to me as perhaps a last ditch effort. I read her letter on the air and talk about suicide and what else there is to consider before taking such a permanent step.
Gain Empowerment and Inner Strength by Accepting that Death Could Be The Outcome
How bad can your panic and anxiety get? I had one panic attack in my life and it was at that moment a part of me died, opening up a new way of being.
Do you resist or accept your fears? Can you accept the worst possible thing that could happen? If you can... you'll be free.
The One You Feed - The Good Wolf Interview with Eric Zimmer - Then I Talk on Depression and Beliefs then Close the Show with Gratitude.
There's a parable that reminds us that there are two wolves inside us all. One is evil (anger, jealousy, greed and resentment). The other is good (joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy and bravery). The question is, which one wins? At least, that's what Eric Zimmer of The One You Feed podcast likes to ask his guests on every episode of his show. I brought Eric on today to talk about his show and his past struggles with drug addiction, alcoholism and depression (not necessarily in that order) and what he did to move through that and into a better place in himself. We also get into his take on Positive thinking, law of attraction, and affirmations (which you know tend to annoy me). I also talk about depression and beliefs after the interview, and how one belief can empower you and the other can take it away. Finally, I close the show talking about a practice in gratitude. Today's episode is brought to you by: getoutofthemess.com
Changing Bad Habits, an Inspiring Letter from Someone with an Eating Disorder , and Jared Fogle and Antisocial Personality Disorder - or the Sociopath
Bad habits can be hard to change or moderate, but there are small steps you can take to make it easier to change a bad habit into a good one, or at least, a little less "bad".
Also, I received an email with a heartwarming story of inspiration where someone finally realized she had a choice - and she made that choice! It was empowering and needs to be heard by anyone who feels there's no hope for them.
Finally, I talk about Jared Fogle, the former Subway spokesperson who is now being charged with possession of child pornography and sex with minors. Once a hero to many, now a symbol of shame.
Visit getoutofthemess.com for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month
Eliminating Negative Memories, the Yin Yang of Masculine and Feminine, and Emotional Detachment
Our emotions are attached to our memories. Our memories are attached to people and stuff. It's that stuff that we hold on to that sometimes makes us feel bad, so why do we still have it in our lives? Pictures are a great example of this. Why keep pictures that make you feel bad? Also, in any relationship, the role of masculine is typically played by one person and the role of feminine is played by the other. The problem occurs when one person likes the role they're in and the other doesn't. Knowing your role and what best works for the relationship will create a harmonious get together as opposed to one of conflict. Finally, I talk a bit about detaching from your emotions. Being emotionally detached can make your partner think that you don't love them... one of the worst feelings in the world. Visit getoutofthemess.com for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month
Getting the Big Picture in Arguments, Honoring Personal Boundaries with Parents, and Creating the Life You Want
Stepping out of the details so that you can see a bigger picture is one of the best ways to end an argument. When you "chunk up" into a broader perspective instead of staying "chunked down" and embroiled in the details, you're able to step out of all the negative emotional energy about the situation. For the Ask Paul segment, a listener who just graduated college wrote and asked about honoring his personal boundaries with his parents and how to get along with a family member who doesn't seem to like him. The final segment, "What's In The Box?" is where we talk about what it really means to "create the life you want"Visit getoutofthemess.com for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month
Getting the Big Picture in Arguments, Honoring Personal Boundaries with Parents, and Creating the Life You Want
Stepping out of the details so that you can see a bigger picture is one of the best ways to end an argument. When you "chunk up" into a broader perspective instead of staying "chunked down" and embroiled in the details, you're able to step out of all the negative emotional energy about the situation. For the Ask Paul segment, a listener who just graduated college wrote and asked about honoring his personal boundaries with his parents and how to get along with a family member who doesn't seem to like him. The final segment, "What's In The Box?" is where we talk about what it really means to "create the life you want"Visit getoutofthemess.com for LegalShield - your peace of mind and quality legal services for less than $20 a month
Self-Worth, Self-Esteem and Choosing to Handle Situations as the Child or the Adult
Your self-worth starts when you interpret what your parents or caretakers think about you. If you interpret that they don't value you, you don't value yourself.
As the years go by, your self-esteem builds from your level of self-worth. If you have low self-worth as a child, you have low self-esteem as an adult. It's time to rebuild both so that you don't have so much fear and insecurity in your life.
Also, I read an email from a listener who is struggling between being a child and an adult in different situations. It's constantly stressing him out and he can't seem to step into that adult role when needed.
Sponsored by getoutofthemess.com
Self compassion is what you have for yourself when you stop being overly giving. And fearing happiness is another issue I talk about after receiving an email from someone who seems to have the perfect life.
These two subjects go hand in hand, and really come down to a way of honoring yourself like you've never done before.
Do You Control Fate - Recovering From The Lies You've Told - You Can Spot a Fake Laugh and inauthentic behavior
Is fate what we make or what we create? I talk about a quote from Carl Jung on this very topic. Today's listener email has to do with being caught in a lie with family, and what to do in the aftermath. News and you is about how we can spot fake or forced laughter, and what we can do with this skill. And finally, I talk a very dysfunctional family member who's trying to worm his way back into my family's lives, but his having a heck of a time getting any cooperation.
Today's sponsor is Asha at getoutofthemess.com. For incredibly affordable legal insurance, I trust Asha to steer you right.
The Long, Dirty Divorce Episode: Enduring The Emotional Drain of a Never-Ending Broken Marriage
Divorce is no fun to begin with, but when it's dragged out for months or even years, it can be brutal. The stress and anxiety of the next thing and the next thing can feel neverending, and sometimes you have to take things on by yourself.
Today I read an email from a listener going through a long, messy divorce with someone who cheated on her. She is depressed, defeated, and has no passion for life anymore.
Where do you go? What do you do? Can you afford to defend yourself even if you can barely afford to live? Is there a way out?
Let's find out.
This episode encourages you to visit www.getoutofthemess.com for your LegalShield membership where you can get legal representation for $18 a month! Absolutely recommended.
When change happens, do you grow with it or suffer hoping it goes away?
Growing through the changes helps you move out of stagnation and stop repeating old behaviors.
Also, I talk about death and acceptance today too, and how accepting that death is a part of life, and letting the emotions come up, whatever they are, will help start the healing process.
Forgiveness is not about other people, it's about you. When you can learn to forgive yourself, even when you aren't the one to blame, you let go of the negative emotions so that you can take the learnings into your future. Also, I talk about John Gibson, the pastor who committed suicide after hackers revealed millions of user names and detailed information about the users from the Ashley Madison infidelity and cheating site. Proud member of the Healing Broadcast Network http://healingbroadcastnetwork.com/
Anxiety is the excessive worrying about future events, based on a story that you tell yourself. However, it's hard to change the story when you actually believe it will happen! On top of that, the more you believe it will come true, the more likely you'll experience a panic attack. Today I share with you how I've overcome anxiety and panic attacks. My methods may be a bit unorthodox, but you might be surprised how effective they are.
Part 2 - The Seven Habits of Highly Overextended People
If you find yourself overwhelmed, stressed, or completely out of control in your life, then these two episodes will have you examining what you might be doing to create the chaos. Most of the time, we overextend ourselves and actually have a choice if that's going to happen or not.
Part 1 - The Seven Habits of Highly Overextended People
If you're overwhelmed or simply have no more time in your schedule, then you are probably a highly overextended person.
Today I talk about the habits that highly overextended people have and how you can avoid being overextended yourself.
This is part 1 of a 2 part episode.
The Family Curse: Do You Become Who You Are Around Family, or Who You Used To Be?
When it comes to visiting family, who you are can sometimes regress into the child they remember you as instead of the fully capable adult that you are now. How do you know this is happening?
When you're afraid to be yourself around them, it's happening.
When you were a child, whatever fear came up, you figured out a way to survive the moment. These survival skills were very handy in adolescence simply because they worked to keep us alive!
Sure, we probably weren't going to die, but it felt like it! Then, years later we became adults (well, some of us did ;) ), and soon we were put into situations that caused similar fears and once again, that old survival mentality kicked back in.
Our brains went, "Oh yeah, I know how to get through this! I learned it as a child, this is an easy one. I'll just... (fill in the blank)." We took the belief system we developed as children into our adult world and suddenly we feel stress and pain and hurt, and all kinds of things we didn't expect.
That's because we stuck to the old system of beliefs we created as children. And these beliefs are deep, so it's no wonder we rarely question what we believe. But, isn't it time to do just that? Especially if the results you are getting in life simply aren't what you expected them to be?
Sounds like a trip to the subconscious mind is in store today!
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What's missing in your life? I honestly don't know, but I bet you do. In fact, I'm pretty sure that you've been asking the wrong question all this time. "What's missing?" isn't the question you should be asking.
The real question is What's present in your life that's preventing you from getting what's missing in your life?
Odd wording, right? But that's just it: The way we phrase our questions dictates how we think about everything. And if you can change the way you think, you can change your results.
When you don't know what's missing, then you don't know what to focus on to get it anyway, so maybe it's time to change the questions you ask yourself.
What's missing? No... What's in your life that, if it were missing, would help you get what you need to fulfill your life?
Language changes your thought process. The question is weird, but in order to understand it, you need to reach a little deeper than you normally would.
You know what happens when you do that? You access your innermost resources that will help you come up with a solution.
Great episode on using language in a different way to change how you think.
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Resistance to your problems is very similar to denial. Both delay closure, and both create suffering. However, resistance creates denial, after all, you wouldn't want to suffer any more than you are so you resist facing your issue and coming to a hard decision.
Regardless if the problem goes away or not, there is a way to end the suffering typically involved with problems. And that's what today's episode is all about.
The 10 Components of a Satisfying, Loving Relationship - Part 2
A satisfying, loving relationship doesn't have to be hard, but there are components that need to be included in this type of relationship in order for things to work out well. This is part 2 of a 2-part episode where we talk about the last 5 components.
If you're still not satisfied with your relationships after listening to part 1, then this episode should wrap things up quite nicely.
The 10 Components of a Satisfying, Loving Relationship - Part 1
There are probably hundreds of components that make up a great relationship, but I'm going to address some of the ones that make the biggest difference. Whether a friendship, family, or intimate partner, when you adopt and include these components in your relationships, they will improve. But, just like I mention in the show, things go a lot better when the other people in your relationships also include them too. When it's one sided, it doesn't go too far. But when it works, it can be completely satisfying and enjoyable. http://levelsforguitar.com/brain
Stop Justifying Your Poisonous Beliefs - The Curse of Denial
How many times in your life has something happened that was so hard to believe, that it actually hurt to believe it? You know what I mean... it's that truth you don't want to hear. It's like the people who can't believe the holocaust happened because it was just so atrocious. Or, like the email I got from a woman who found out her husband is cheating on her. It's very hard to accept a truth that hurts us, but if we don't, we systematically destroy ourselves.
Denial is the topic for the day.
When you suffer from perfectionism based in fear, you become more and more miserable as time goes on. In fact, the more perfect and controlling you are, the more disappointed with life you get. Does it make sense to be perfect? Is it actually more destructive than helpful? Many times yes. There is a healthy perfectionism and an unhealthy one. The question is: Are you suffering or evolving? How you answer says it all. If you're a perfectionist and are suffering because of it, today's episode is for you.
Relationship Boundaries and Strengthening the Bond
There's no escaping the sometimes hard to deal with arguments, tension and turmoil that can go on in a relationship. I received an email on this topic, and I cover everything from personal boundaries to irrational people.
Whether you're in a relationship or not, you're sure to get something from today's show.
How you show up for life is how your life turns out. So many people think they are a victim of circumstances, but when they connect the dots in reverse, they can the decisions and actions that led to their place in life now.
How do you show up for anything? Do you wear a mask to show people someone you’re not? Let’s dive into this topic and figure out if authenticity is the key and showing up on day one as “yourself” is your best option.
What you perceive to be true and what is actually true aren't always the same. In fact, those two things can be so far removed from each other, you might wonder how you ever thought what you thought in the first place.
You're not always right, this you already know. But what about when you know you're right, and you take action on that "knowledge"? Who is affected by your behavior when you go on a belief that may actually be incorrect?
Your perceptions define your reality, and your behavior is based on what you believe to be real. Today is a reminder that what you think is true may just be a alternate reality that you made up.
Support the show by shopping at Amazon: http://amzn.to/1PFuMdG
Bullies come in all shapes and sizes, and have all kinds of mannerisms that different people give different names for. In my opinion, anytime someone wants you to feel bad or forces you to do something against your will, it is bullying.
I recently realized that I was a bully in my marriage. This led to some interesting insights I share in this episode. That, along with learning about how the typical bully ticks (and some things you can do to avoid being a victim of bullying) is what I talk about today.
The Breakthrough from the Breakdown and a Note on Assumptions
Are you more important than your "stuff"? I hope you think so, because I know you are. However, when you value stuff a little too much, you tend to stress and get concerned about what will happen to you if your stuff gets damaged or disappears.
Today's episode isn't necessarily about stuff, but I do talk about breakthroughs and one way they can happen to you. Stuff comes into play, I promise. I also change the subject and go into a talk on assumptions, and how they can shape our reality if we're not careful. (And how someone's assumption about my intentions on the show did shape their reality when they left a critical review for me in iTunes.) Fun "stuff", huh?
When Those Deeper Negative Emotions Just Won't Go Away
Expressing the deep, negative emotions that you've been holding onto from your past should lead to a release of the emotional energy behind them, and free you from the burden of holding onto the pain. However, sometimes what you express, vent or release isn't all of it, and you need to dig a little deeper to get to the real pain that's keeping you from moving on.
Today we talk about how to get to that deeper pain.
I hate setting goals, so I had to figure out how I could get what I want in life without following the standard goal-setting steps we're always taught.
Just writing down a goal makes me cringe, but why? Well, I'm not very highly organized and full of energy, so I think that's half of it.
Today I share how to set goals when you hate setting goals. It's a slap in the face to typical goal-setting advice, but that's what typically happens on this show anyway.
Unfortunately, the more we grow and evolve, the more others who aren't ready to do the same will want us to stay the same. If you're around friends and family who just can't seem to get on board with you getting healthier, what do you do? Do you just pretend to be the same old person you always were around them just to keep them happy? Or do you embrace this new you and leave it up to them to get used to the new you?
Important questions, especially since we all know at least one person that probably doesn't support our evolution. Is there an easy path where everyone can get along magically? Nope. But there is a path, and that's what I'll be talking about today.
Today's special mention: If you shop on Amazon, it supports the show! Simply drag the Amazon button to the right to your computer's desktop, then use it every time you shop. Doing so, Amazon sends a small percentage of every purchase to help support the show.
With so many paths to a destination that seems impossible to reach, it's hard to believe we can ever get there at all! I'm referring to peace, of course.
Attaining a peaceful mind during a chaotic moment can be an exercise in futility, but is there any reason you can't attain peace between the chaotic moments in life?
I think we think too much between those moments, and it's time to access a less stressful space so that we can at least connect with ourselves before the next big crisis hits.
Time to learn some simple realizations of a peaceful mind so that we can let go of stress once in a while
What's the Point of Life Without Joy and Happiness?
I tackle the question on finding purpose and meaning in life when you aren't experiencing joy and happiness. Inspired by a message from a listener who is in a pretty dark place. He asked, "What's the point?" There is purpose in life, and it's found in every moment.
More Motivation and Less Anxiety by Building a Healthy Ego
When so many spiritual teachers and personal growth gurus are telling us to let go of our egos, I come along and tell you to build it up! I don't disagree that letting go of ego is a fantastic place to be, but after having experienced it for a few months, I was ready to regain my ego and rebuild it in a way that served me and others around me best. It's time to visit the ego and figure out how to build and evolve it so that it releases our fears, insecurities and anxieties. Who knows, maybe you just need to inflate your ego a bit to create the peace and ease you want in your life! Today's special mention: The Art of Work. It's a book that's been called a “proven path to discovering what you were meant to do.” It's free - get it here!
Sometimes the End of a Relationship is the Beginning of a New Challenge
Relationships end, unfortunately. But sometimes what you think is the hardest part (the breakup) turns out to be tame compared to what follows. Your ex may not want it to end so they do things that make you uncomfortable. Or, the one you "dumped" is still friends with your friends and family, so the ties are harder to break and the distance harder to attain. What do you do when this kind of stuff happens? I address a couple of emails asking these very questions on today's episode. Today's episode is brought to you by getoutofthemess.com. Quality attorneys for about $20 a month!
The Personal Emotional Challenges that Keep Us From Business Success
When I started The Overwhelmed Brain, I had no clue how I would be able to sustain it. But, fearlessly, I purchased audio equipment and set my sights on the target of creating a weekly radio show that would spread my message. About 6 months into it, I realized that a show likes this takes an income to support it. So, once again fearlessly, I quit my job and started doing the show full time.
But soon after that, I realized something big... I could not sustain this without making money. So I dug into savings to live off of for a while, and soon I was exploring my options to make this show and everything associated with it more than just a hobby... I had to make it into a living.
Pursuing a passion does involve creating a way to sustain that passion. In this episode, I am interviewed by Mike Sutton about the emotional aspects of running a business, and what it takes to get beyond the fears and doubts that almost everyone in business, whether their own or working for someone else, goes through.
Do you trust your instincts? If not, why not? Let's get practical and talk about where they come from and why we have them. Instincts are here to protect us, but sometimes we don't listen.
It's time to start trusting a part of us that knows more than we "think".
13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do with Amy Morin
Amy Morin, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, wrote the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Do. After a few devastating events in her life, she made the list in hopes to help herself heal.
After publishing it as a blog article, it went viral. And soon, millions learned the 13 things that they might be doing to prevent them from becoming mentally stronger.
Your job can be a career you love, or one that you can't wait to change. Either way, Scott Barlow, Career Coach and Job Transition Expert talks to us about some of the steps you can take to start moving in another direction with your career.
Visit Scott at happentoyourcareer.com/brain and sign up for the 8 day free course that helps you discover what you want in a career.
If the voices in your head are saying anything but positive messages to you, then this is the show for you.
Negative inner dialogue can prevent you from almost everything you want to do in life. So many opportunities will be missed, all because you listened to a voice that is likely misleading you to believing you are something less than you are.
It's time to switch around those inner voices so that they support you, and maybe even make you laugh.
Sponsor: Clear The Path To Happiness
When you have negative thoughts and emotions floating around in your head more times than not, the choices you make going forward in life are going to be influenced. After all, whatever is swimming around in your head at the time of a decision is what typically affects your decision. If you are carrying around old baggage, it's time to drop those emotional bags off so that you can create your future without fears or worry.
Practicing mindfulness has a lot of advantages that will help you become more alert, more focused, and more likely to finish what you started. I focus a lot on "focus" in this particular episode because we are simply an oversaturated, overstimulated society, and might need a refresher on what it takes to be truly mindful. The more mindful you are, the more successful you'll be with almost anything you start - mainly because you'll finish!
Brought to you by Clear the Path To Happiness ebook
Part 2 of a two-part episode where we talk about the 10 life lessons that, if implemented, lead to peace and fulfillment. So many of us simply live day to day, trying to make the next day as good as the last, or better. The day to day can be fulfilling, or it can be grueling. If it's the latter, it's possible that there is a primal need at your deepest level not getting fulfilled. If that's the case, it will be harder to attain the peace and balance you may be looking for.
This episode covers the second 5 of the lessons, and helps you understand what you may need to focus on to create a happier life for yourself.
Part 1 of a two-part episode where we talk about the 10 life lessons that, if implemented, lead to peace and fulfillment. So many of us simply live day to day, trying to make the next day as good as the last, or better. The day to day can be fulfilling, or it can be grueling. If it's the latter, it's possible that there is a primal need at your deepest level not getting fulfilled. If that's the case, it will be harder to attain the peace and balance you may be looking for.
This episode covers the first 5 of the lessons, and helps you understand what you may need to focus on to create a happier life for yourself.
Questioning Your Truths - The Philosophy of Belief
There's a program running in the background of your mind that drives almost all of your behavior, and that's called your "philosophy". Your philosophy is made up of all the beliefs and assumptions that you have about the world. Many of these beliefs and assumptions are never questioned, just followed - sometimes blindly. We dive into the philosophy that drives our decisions and actions in this episode. It might require your thinking cap, but it could be the door you were looking for to help you create and accept the changes you want to make in your life.
Judgment can be one of the most damaging weapons in a relationship, as it tells the other person that it's not okay to be themselves. This builds resentment in them, and will eventually crumble even the most intimate relationships. If it doesn't crumble, then it suffers. Today's episode is how our triggers form our judgments, and how our judgments can ruin our life if we don't learn what to do with them.Get Clear The Path To Happiness on Amazon now! Free with Amazon Prime
Knowing is a Box - The Commitment to Open-Mindedness
Have you ever known something to be true, only to find out you were completely wrong? I've had arguments with people where half-way through I figured out I was wrong, but I still held my ground because of my commitment to winning. It's time to learn how to create and keep an open mind so that you are flexible in all of life's challenges. "Knowing" something limits what more you can know, but admitting that you don't know everything opens the the door to endless possibilities.
Sounds like a great topic for discussion!
What does it take to honor your boundaries and live from that authentic place inside you? Do you earn the respect your deserve? You might be surprised to find out that respect from others happens naturally when you honor yourself and your personal boundaries. Doing this shows the world who you really are, and what behavior is okay, and what is not.
You are worthy and deserve respect. Honor and respect yourself, and you'll soon find that you are creating the life you want.
If you'd like to support the show, just shop at Amazon using this link: http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/amazon
There are true victims in the world, then there are chronic complainers who keep themselves in a victimized state, closing the door to progress, healing and growth.
It could have started in childhood, or sprung up when they were older, but those who have a victim mentality know one thing for sure: Nothing ever works out for them.
This belief system keeps them in a rut, and prevents them from seeing options that could be right in front of them.
Are you a self-perpetuating victim? Listen in and find out!
Emotions rise up from our core self, where we are both most vulnerable and powerful. When we can live from this core place inside of us, we can be authentic. When that happens, we are empowered to be our true selves.
Align your thoughts and feelings with your behavior, and you have a recipe for true success in your life. Step into your power in this episode.
Infidelity - An Overlooked Warning Sign and Healing in the Aftermath
Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences you can have next to losing a child, at least according to one therapist I talked to. The pain that is created from the betrayal is inevitable, and much healing will be needed in the aftermath. I discuss the one sign you need to pay attention to most when you suspect cheating in your relationship. I also talk about working through and healing in the aftermath.
Emotional triggers are the surprises that we get when someone we love, or a situation, causes us to have a reaction that we haven't processed yet. If you were yelled at as a child, and you attached fear to being yelled at, then you might get triggered as an adult when someone around you as yelling.
Triggers are childhood beliefs that aren't necessarily true anymore, and need to be addressed to save your relationships. Once you release your old triggers, you can view the world from an entirely different place, instead of through the eyes of a fearful child.
The deepest recesses of our subconscious mind are where our repressed, negative thoughts and emotions linger, causing harm to both our daily thought processes and our body! Want to know why thinking positively doesn’t seem to work sometimes? It’s because we’re holding on to some deeper stuff that needs released. And what happens when you release this stuff? Positive thinking comes naturally. No affirmations needed for today’s episode.
Feel free to support the show by shopping on Amazon through this link:http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/amazon
Practicing Presence in a World of Past Hurts and Future Worries
Presence is that state where the past doesn't exist, and the future hasn't been written. It's what's in the now. Eckhart Tolle and many other spiritual teachers talk about it. It's that place where past hurts and future worries seem to dissolve, so that you can experience what's really happening instead of the picture your mind is painting of reality. It's clarity. And it's what we're here to talk about today. Episode sponsored by getoutofthemess.com. Quality attorneys ready to answer your questions
What is suffering? Is it the same as pain? Can they be separate, so that any suffering you experience can be diminished or eliminated altogether? Another deep episode where I share some practical steps you can take to stop suffering, and find your path to inner peace. I promise, I only mention meditation once. The rest of it, you may be surprised by.
Support the show if you'd like, by shopping at Amazon! You pay no more, and the show gets a small percentage of everything you purchase:
That "Blink" Moment, and Making the Right Decisions
The first decision that pops in your mind is what Malcolm Gladwell calls your "blink" moment. It's that feeling or thought you get before you consciously think about the situation.
Should you trust your blink moments? Are the true answers to life's challenges in those few milliseconds before conscious thought kicks in? And the real question, can you trust that blink moment, to the exclusion of rational thought?
This is a deep episode, but if you've been wanting to learn how to make better and faster decisions, it's time to make the decision and listen!
Thank you for shopping through our Amazon link: theoverwhelmedbrain.com/amazon. It's a way to say Thank You for the show.
Optimism, Pessimism and Creating the Life You Want
It's okay to be pessimistic, especially if months or years of optimism don't work. In this episode, we go over the underlying strategies or "programs" you have deep down that motivate you to move toward things you want and away from things you don't want.
Wait, did I say it's okay to be pessimistic? Yup. When what you're doing doesn't work, do something else. Better yet, be "realistic" to create the most change in your life.
When you figure out what motivates you in life, you'll figure out how to create the life you want.
Attaining happiness seems to be the pursuit of so many people. Those who look outside of themselves seem to find temporary means, but those who go inside reveal happiness, where it was all along.
I talk about that in this deep episode of clearing the obstacles to revealing the happiness inside.
Support this show by shopping at Amazon: http://theoverwhelmedbrain.com/amazon
Irrational behavior is one of the most difficult behaviors to deal with. When someone is being irrational, they don't listen to reason, logic, or even common sense. They are laser focused to fulfill a need. And, until that need is fulfilled, or they snap out of it, they are unpredictable and sometimes even dangerous.
In this episode, we talk about some of the ways to communicate, and even "reel in" irrational people, to bring them back to a calmer, more rational state of being.
If you value the show, and would like to show your support, shop on Amazon through my link at theoverwhelmedbrain.com/amazon. Same prices, and a great way to say Thank You for the show.
How embracing the masculine and feminine in you leads to a fulfilling life
How is the masculine or feminine aspect of you running, or even ruining, your life? There's a purpose to having either and both especially when it comes to relating to other people, whether in friendships or intimate relationships.
Building self-esteem and self-worth, while avoiding the ego trap
Building self-worth is something that happens in childhood, and relies on people and events outside of you, whereas building self-esteem is a culmination of all the years of self-worth, and is something that relies on how you feel about yourself.
Then ego comes in and tries to spoil the road to high self-esteem, but there are ways to build and nurture all three so that you can tackle life a lot easier when the challenges present themselves.
Avoiding and Eliminating Humiliation and Embarrassment
Fear of embarrassment and going through humiliation set the stage for today's episode. There are steps you can take to avoid humiliating situations, and steps you can take to squash bad feelings after an embarrassing situation occurs. Even the embarrassing events of years past can pop up over and over again, especially when people you know keep rehashing it. If you want to stop reliving the past, or get over the shame, or even what you might consider the unforgivable stuff you may have done, this is the episode you don't want to miss.
We talk about letting go of the deeper, emotional attachments we have in our life in part 2 of a 2-part episode. From sentimental attachments, to people. The main focus in this episode is about the romantic relationships we can have trouble letting go of.
This is a deep and complex episode, and there are so many ways to approach this sensitive topic. But if you can get beyond the attachments that are holding you back and keeping you down, you will have a deeply fulfilling and happy life.
Attachments can be the distractions that keep us from working through the pain and emotional hurt that we carry through life. The more attachments you have, the more likely you are not looking inward to heal yourself of old negative emotions.
There's so much to talk about with this topic, so I broke it into two parts. Part 1 is about attachment to material objects. Next week, part 2 will be about deeper, emotional attachments to be material objects and everything else.
Feel like you're in a rut? Want the most powerful self-help advice you've ever heard? This is the episode you need.
This week’s episode covers the very powerful topic of forgiveness. How powerful is it? Well, some people live with the pain of not forgiving someone their entire life. The thought of letting someone get away with something, or admitting that they are over something, or whatever, can override ones desire to move on and be happy with life.
We’re going to talk about forgiveness today. What is it, really? Is it telling someone else, “You were right, and I was wrong”? Is it showing another person that what they did was forgivable? Is it something else entirely? Let's find out what it is and if it possible.
Can Your Defense Mechanisms Keep You From Creating the Life You Want?
I talk about 9 common defense mechanisms we employ in our lives. Most are used as a substitute for full expression of our thoughts and feelings, however some are actually useful.
You may do 1 or 2, or all 9! Regardless, by the time the episode is over, you will understand what they are and what you can do if you find yourself or others doing them.
How to live a more balanced life by accessing your inner strength
You have the strength and resources you need to create the balance that you deserve in your life. But there is a way to achieving balance that many people aren't aware of. Well, 6 ways in this episode to be exact.
Balance creates more consistent states of happiness, and also allows you to make decisions and take action from a place of power, not fear.
In this episode, we dive into some deeper-level stuff that you may not necessarily have associated with balance. But by the end, you might discover something about yourself that helps you resolve some of the challenges in your life.
Relationship love, acceptance, and the decision to leave or stay
Can you accept the behaviors of those you love? If not, are you still in the relationship? You have a choice to walk away from the behaviors you can't accept in life, or stay and accept them. In the end, what you really want is closure. Knowing the direction you need to take is a much more powerful place than waiting for something to happen. Lingering is no fun.
By the time this episode is over, you’ll know if you’ve reached full acceptance of the people in your life, and if you are choosing to suffer or not. Yes, suffering can be a choice. When it comes to accepting what is, or not accepting, one choice leads to suffering, the other does not.