EpisodesReviewsCharts
Detailed
Compact
November 18, 2016
Beefily Ever After
In our last episode, we learn how to drink tea, build human towers, watch the sunset forever and find the Ian inside all of us.
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22 min
November 11, 2016
Freedom, Justice, or Peter Sagal
We learn what happened to a two-thousand year-old toe, and what to do when our voices make you sick.
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20 min
November 4, 2016
StoryCorn
Devil In The White City author Erik Larson helps us write gooder, and we tell you how to snack silently at the movies.
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17 min
October 28, 2016
We Accidentally Made A Halloween Episode
Mark Bittman helps us answer a very creepy question, and we learn who's helping the Obamas move.
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20 min
October 21, 2016
Romancing The Cod
How to talk to fish and protect your yard signs.
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10 min
October 13, 2016
Trust Him On The Frustum
We help you brush that dirt off your shoulder and get the most out of your Reese's.
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16 min
October 7, 2016
The Never-Ending Cave
We tell you how to get deep and how to fake childhood memories.
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16 min
September 30, 2016
The Sound of Silence
A listener needs help opening his Velcro bag quietly, so we call in the military.
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11 min
September 23, 2016
Fiddlin', Gruntin', Snorin' and Carlin'
How to get people to remember your name and find thousands of worms. Note: this episode talks about curse words but bleeps them out. It's educational, but there's a lot of cursing.
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22 min
September 16, 2016
The Champ
We tell you how to keep your fries crispy and make your friends cry.
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23 min
September 9, 2016
Usain/Boat
How to lose to Usain Bolt by a slightly smaller margin, and another use for your bowling shoes.
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15 min
September 2, 2016
Bonny's Dream
How to endure hearing someone describe their dream.
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17 min
August 26, 2016
Bears and Bubbles
How to bathe discreetly and get close to a panda.
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18 min
August 19, 2016
Bears, Tigers, Leeches, and Spicy Food
How to pick a winner in a bear v. tiger fight, find an endangered species, and eat spicy food.
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22 min
August 12, 2016
Best Man O' War
How to train your pet jellyfish and plan a wedding no one will forget.
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21 min
August 5, 2016
The Only Olympics Guide You'll Ever Need
With how-to advice from a bunch of Olympians and Patrick Stewart.
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27 min
July 29, 2016
Lyin' Eyes
How to protect your cow and pull a loose tooth.
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11 min
July 21, 2016
Merry Chrismas!
How to celebrate your new favorite holiday and enjoy the Summer Olympics.
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16 min
July 15, 2016
Pee-Rex
How to talk to a dinosaur and survive a public bathroom.
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21 min
July 8, 2016
Human Feet and Graham Crackers
How to have less fun at the beach, and how to enjoy graham crackers.
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25 min
July 1, 2016
A Bulge in the Ol' Onion Bag
How to defend against the dark arts, call someone a jerk, and look cool around dads.
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22 min
June 24, 2016
The Birds & the Bees
We help Ryan and Ryan, and learn what bees are thinking.
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18 min
June 17, 2016
Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs
How to blend into the background, and harness the secret power of watermelon.
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21 min
June 11, 2016
The Pee Dance
Why you do what you do when you've really gotta go.
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17 min
June 3, 2016
Scoreboards, Scanners and Southwest
How to keep score at a Cubs game and find the best seat on your next flight.
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14 min
May 27, 2016
The Stink Tree
This week we save a marriage and improve the most awkward minute of your day.
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27 min
May 20, 2016
You're The Man Now, Dog II
This week we find out why EJ sings.
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22 min
May 13, 2016
You're The Man Now, Dog
How AC/DC could save your life, and we defend weasels.
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17 min
May 6, 2016
Nsyncs and Faucets
How to keep a secret, and how to say goodbye bye bye.
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17 min
April 29, 2016
The Next Generation
A 21st Century mom gets a visit from the 24th Century.
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18 min
April 22, 2016
Yes, No, and Present
How to avoid a bad bee sting, get back at bad Facebook posters, and look cool when you're carrying a Trapper Keeper.
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24 min
April 15, 2016
The Interminator
How to shake hands like a politician, free up space on your iPhone, and talk about golf.
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23 min
April 8, 2016
The Office Spitter
The fun way to monitor air pollution and deal with an annoying co-worker.
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15 min
March 31, 2016
Sabotage!
How to defeat the Nazis and wind the Great Clock.
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18 min
March 25, 2016
Long Distance
We talk to astronauts on the International Space Station, and help name a burrito restaurant here on earth.
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15 min
March 18, 2016
Headphones Recommended For This Episode
How to start your day and clean the ceiling.
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21 min
March 11, 2016
Crooked Letter Humpback
How to tell the presidential candidates apart and count seconds effectively.
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21 min
March 5, 2016
Bum Bum Bum Bummmmmm
How to actually enjoy yourself at the symphony, and sneak your name into your favorite TV show.
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19 min
February 26, 2016
Love & Basketball
This episode has nothing to do with the movie "Love & Basketball."
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16 min
February 19, 2016
Science Hotline Bling
Special guest Nick Offerman solves your biggest problem, and who to call when a killer asteroid is on its way.
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15 min
February 12, 2016
The Axe Effect
How to make your food taste sweeter, and valentines that say Be Someone Else's.
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17 min
February 5, 2016
Leave a Message at the Beep
How to leave a message, send a message, and destroy drones.
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24 min
January 29, 2016
NASCAR & Donald Trump
Boy, that title makes it seem like a different show this week. Note: this podcast contains no actual Donald Trump.
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15 min
January 22, 2016
Henry & Robbie
How to make s'mores in the most dangerous way possible, and how to make s'peace with your rooster.
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17 min
January 16, 2016
Escape!
How to sleep with the fishes and live like El Chapo.
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21 min
January 8, 2016
Bulls, Bears, Elks and Peters
How to talk about the stock market, get an elk out of your basement, and spoil SpaghettiOs.
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21 min
December 18, 2015
Goodnight Goose
How to deter thieves, tell a bedtime story, hum a song, and find sunken treasure.
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27 min
December 11, 2015
All I Want For Christmas Is Poo
How to celebrate Christmas in Catalonia, ruin French toast, and get a seat on the subway.
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18 min
December 3, 2015
The Pants-Splitting Index
How to find giant insects, serve eggnog, and welcome extraterrestrials.
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17 min
November 25, 2015
Thanksgiving Dinner
How to always win the wishbone pull, dodge awkward dinner conversations, and eat as much as possible.
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16 min
November 19, 2015
Trash Talk & Art
How to distract someone you love, and a surprising discovery in Queen Elizabeth's art collection.
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15 min
November 13, 2015
Thumbs Up!
How to smuggle a live chicken, frighten your dentist, and hitchhike offensively.
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24 min
November 6, 2015
The President of Sniffing
How to stay awake during meetings, look sexy in a safety vest, and really smell something.
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23 min
October 29, 2015
Buried Alive!
How to escape when you've been buried alive, and more. If you've been buried alive, though, just call 911 and listen to the episode later.
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12 min
October 23, 2015
The Tooth Mouse
How to throw a really unsettling punch, scare someone, and delight children around the world.
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20 min
October 14, 2015
Plenty of Fish and Davids
How to survive a breakup, keep your bike from getting stolen, and count Davids.
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16 min
October 7, 2015
Death From Above
How to defend yourself against monsters, lend money properly, and play a game of Crud. Also: a correction.
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16 min
September 30, 2015
The World's Largest Grilled Cheese
This week, we provide assistance to the Russian Government, and to two small children.
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20 min
September 22, 2015
Welcome, Pope Francis!
Pope Francis is visiting the US this week. We help him act like a local.
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21 min
September 17, 2015
The Dog Has Something To Tell You
How to take a photograph of your cat, talk to your dog, talk to a British person, and talk to a British dog.
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24 min
September 3, 2015
Planet, Money
How much money is there on the planet? We investigate.
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8 min
August 30, 2015
All About Spike
Ian visits a corpse flower, a stinky jungle plant which has been waiting 12 years to bloom.
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9 min
August 20, 2015
Spearfish
We talk about the weather, but not in a boring way. We hope.
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12 min
August 14, 2015
Sheep, Spiders, and Jenga
How to send secret messages, heal your wounds, and more.
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18 min
August 7, 2015
Stay Cool
How to stay cool in the summertime, and salt your food without salt.
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14 min
July 31, 2015
Baby Names and Outhouses
This week we tell you how to choose the best name ever for your baby and investigate an old outhouse mystery.
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23 min
July 15, 2015
We Don't Want To Startle You
A listener wants to know how not to get startled. Ian and Mike either help or make it worse.
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10 min
July 9, 2015
Hat Tricks and Sirens
This week we tell you how to get a fancy free hat and freak out your entire town.
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16 min
July 1, 2015
Sonia Sotomayor and Some Other Things
We listen back to our interview with Sonia Sotomayor, we cure brain freeze, and the Fonz himself helps you look cool.
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23 min
June 26, 2015
Out of the Office
Ian and Mike are out of the office. They talk about it, then they change the world, then they play some old segments.
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26 min
June 19, 2015
The Song of the Scrub-Jay
How to defeat your winged enemies and prove how good you are at the bongos.
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16 min
June 10, 2015
The Ericpalooza
How to take beautiful photographs of your cat, and how to digest your food. Plus, we say goodbye to a beloved colleague. Not Gillian. We already said goodbye to Gillian.
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15 min
June 3, 2015
We've Got Our Fingers In A Lot of Pies
How to conduct yourself around pie, and how to name your bird.
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14 min
May 20, 2015
Micropigs and Fossils
We help you relax, and help you become a fossil. Plus, some words of encouragement as you enter the final days of the exclamation point fast.
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17 min
May 13, 2015
Braying Donkeys and Braying Modems
How to make sense of what your computer is saying, make an uneasy pengiun comfortable, and use up old newspapers. Plus we have a tip to get you through the last week of our Exclamation Point Fast.
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21 min
May 5, 2015
Small Talk and Penguins
We help endangered penguins carry on their species, and we help you make small talk with kids. Plus: our Exclamation Point Fast continues, with catastrophic results.
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16 min
April 28, 2015
Mountaintops and Nosebleeds
How to make a mountain shorter and a new use for bacon. Plus, we check in on our exclamation point fast.
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20 min
April 21, 2015
F-Bombs, Chicken, and Exclamation Points
How to find alternatives for the f-word, cook your chicken in the most spectacular way possible, and stop using exclamation points! That was our last one.
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18 min
April 14, 2015
High Five!
How to celebrate without getting everyone else sick and the fastest way to get published in the New York Times.
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21 min
April 7, 2015
Stunt Baby and The Dog Olympics
How to make your pregnancy more exciting and the Olympics more competitive.
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23 min
April 2, 2015
Wake Up and Eat Birthday Cake
How to wake up, celebrate your birthday properly, and shoot a free throw. This is not an April Fool's Day episode. Were we supposed to do an April Fool's Day episode?
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16 min
March 25, 2015
Cheetah Allen and The Kiss of Death
How to become Cheetah Boy, and a warning about lipstick.
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19 min
March 17, 2015
Milk & Asparagus
How to get the milk you want and deserve, and the truth about asparagus.
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22 min
March 10, 2015
Cows & Noses
A cow is rescued, and a nose is picked.
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15 min
March 4, 2015
Babies vs. Winter
How to beat the winter, find love, and make the Olympic team.
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26 min
February 24, 2015
Kissing With Braces and Falling Ice
We help you get unstuck and survive your walk to work.
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14 min
February 17, 2015
Theater Butts
This week we help you find your seat without bothering the people around you.
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8 min
February 10, 2015
Rally & Bluff
How to drive a rally car, bluff convincingly, and look pretty when you get your picture taken.
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22 min
February 4, 2015
Biweekly Shark Butts
This week, how to never miss a meeting, decide if your shark needs pants, and more.
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20 min
January 27, 2015
Cereal and The Super Big Sports Game
How to keep your cereal from getting soggy, and we make a very interesting dip for the big sporting event with the misshapen ball that will be played on Sunday and shall not be named.
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13 min
January 21, 2015
Laps & Laptops
How to stop that email you shouldn't have sent, and how to swim a lap. Plus: a friend in need is a friend indeed.
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20 min
January 14, 2015
Linsanity!
This week we solve an age-old spinach mystery and help out the FBI. Plus football predictions from Gillian!
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25 min
January 6, 2015
Clues and Legos
How to crack a case, and how to build a really, really, really big Lego model.
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17 min
December 23, 2014
This Episode Is Only For Cows
This episode is only for cows. Humans are advised to skip this and listen to one of our many human-focused episodes instead.
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December 22, 2014
Less Cowbell
Cows, it turns out, hate the sound of cowbells. We try and help out our bovine friends.
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December 20, 2014
Santa Claus, Ninjas and Fruitcake Toss Day
This week a Ninja Master gives Santa some tips on sneaking around and how to make 2015 the best year ever.
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December 13, 2014
Hair and Apostrophes
A listener is getting laser hair removal, and it hurts. A lot. Mike and Ian help her deal with the pain, with some help from the toughest people they could find.
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December 5, 2014
The Punch
This week we tell you how to punch someone in the face without hurting anyone and get solar power the Jackie Chan way.
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November 27, 2014
Thanksgiving Leftovers
We're out of the office this week, but we've put together a few Thanksgiving-ish howtos from past shows.
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November 24, 2014
Choose Your Own Adventure
How to survive family time this Thanksgiving. Plus, the moving walkway is coming to an end.
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