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May 15, 2019
TU96: Treating Attachment & Self-Protective Strategies With Guest Patricia Crittenden (Part 1)
Are you ready to move from describing injured developmental pathways and symptoms - to addressing how to heal from disrupted development?  We are on the case!  In this episode co-host Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discusses exactly that with Dr. Patrica Crittenden, founder of the Dynamic Maturational Model of Attachment & Adaption (DMM) using culture and context to understand, decode and heal early relational injuries.
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41 min
May 1, 2019
Oxytocin & Dogs (& Pets in General) as Attachment Figures
Want a totally free, no-hangover naturally produced cuddle-drug?  Oxytocin provides a boost of the best bonding drug possible and is the natural love drug our bodies make at key relational moments such as child-birth, nursing, orgasm and falling in love.  In this episode we discuss how to create this moral molecule without even needing complicated human relationships by connecting mutually to our companion pets.  What's not to love about that?
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33 min
April 17, 2019
TU94: The Science of Self-Regulation – Breaking down Polyvagal Theory
The science of relaxing into love, this episode continues the exploration of Polyvagal Theory by bringing it to life through discussion and real-life examples.  Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley continue to break down one of the most important theories of our generation when it comes to trauma and psychological treatment.
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30 min
April 10, 2019
TU93: Polyvagal Theory in Action – The Practice of Body Regulation With Dr Stephen Porges
Dr. Stephen Porges, the neuroscientist behind Polyvagal Theory & Sue Marriott discuss mechanisms in the brain that create an array of psychological symptoms. Learn how to regulate your nervous system and co-regulate those you love. Full version.
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59 min
March 15, 2019
TU92: Understanding Addiction and Attachment-Informed Treatment With Guests Brad Kennedy & Vanessa Kennedy
Learn 3 distinct features that make one vulnerable to addiction and understand the varied dynamics through the lens of attachment with guests Brad Kennedy and Dr. Vanessa Kennedy. By getting curious about our behaviors and understanding why we do what we do, we can begin shifting our narrative from one of shame to one of compassion.
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74 min
March 1, 2019
TU91: Curiosity – One of the Most Powerful Tools For Connection
Have you ever just sat back and observed a small child as they learn something new?  There is this profound sense of awe and wonder with each new discovery they make.  Kids are naturally curious.  As adults, we tend to take what we know about the world for granted. But, through the eyes of a child, the world is an exciting mystery just waiting to be discovered!  What if we told you that it is possible to experience that childlike curiosity in your day-to-day life, starting right now? What if we also told you that curiosity is one of the most powerful relationship tools we have?  Curiosity is much more than a quest for knowledge and is not as simple as it seems. In this episode of Therapist Uncensored: co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott, invite you to rediscover curiosity and experience the world and your relationships from a revitalized perspective! * Just why is Ann so obsessed with curiosity?! * Childlike Wonder: * Think about how a child sees things for the first time. It’s strictly curiosity. As we get older, the world becomes more predictable. * Being "In the Know" vs "In the Unknown" * When we think we know a lot, we limit ourselves. It takes a lot of security to be uncertain. * The neuroscience of curiosity * A willingness to embrace uncertainty and curiosity go hand in hand. * Attachment, curiosity, and anxiety * How does our attachment style affect our experience? * If you feel bodily anxiety in the questions you’re asking, you’re probably not in the right state. How can we learn to become truly curious about someone in a loving way if we lean towards the blue or red side of the spectrum? * If we’re on the blue side of the spectrum, how can we move out to a place where we’re curious. * If we're on the red side, how do we move from asking questions out of anxiety to asking out of curiosity? * People who are curious about you are attractive, and we can tell the difference if they’re not really interested. * You get to be curious about your therapist. * Tips to cultivate curiosity: * Train your brain * Be aware of what's happening in your body * Recognizing judgment * Are you judging people when they speak instead of listening to them? This is a kind of cognitive closure. * Slow down and stimulate your own curiosity with questions. * Look for novelty and discovery in your interactions. Early relationships often break up out of boredom. You can be curious about your anxiety related to asking questions and even share your anxiety with the person making you nervous. Sharing vulnerability brings people together. * Cultivate wonder and awe. To review or learn about the different attachment styles, listen to: TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Attachment – Are You Cool, or just Cut Off? TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships – Grow Your Security by Learning the Signs of Anxious Attachment TU61: It’s Not Crazy, It’s a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem – Disorganized Attachment TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates Who doesn't love special offers? We're on Patreon! 
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39 min
February 14, 2019
TU90: Attachment Avoidance and the Difficulty Opening Up, with Robert T. Muller
It's hard enough to unfold yourself in therapy, but when your life experience has challenged you, avoidance is sure to follow.  It is difficult to open up if you found safety in being cloaked - but that cloak can clog up our current adult relationships.  Dang it. Sorry to tell you what we imagine you already know. :) Gotta lose the cloak, friend.
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43 min
January 31, 2019
TU89 Neurofluency - with Dr. Lou Cozolino, Applied Neuroscience made Understandable
This episode breaks down and enhances your neurofluency - the basics of neuroscience as it relates to human beings in relationship. This skill will help you with your boss, your teacher, your student, your child, you client or you spouse. Learn to use the solid findings from interpersonal neuroscience in therapy on either side of the couch, as clinician or patient, and across varied life experiences. Co-host Sue Marriott interviews Dr. Lou Cozolino, a master psychologist, researcher, and world renown author of a boat load of books and original articles on the subject. Please hit play and enjoy!
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50 min
January 24, 2019
TU88: 6 Steps to Building Security & Self-Confidence You Can Do On Your Own
Building security by yourself can seem near-impossible, so for today we are ditching the heady neuroscience to break down 6 quick tips to improve self-confidence entirely on your own.  It's what to do, not why to do it.  You’ll discover how this handful of minute steps can vastly improve the way you feel internally and the way you carry yourself externally.
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29 min
January 10, 2019
TU 87: Treating Complex Trauma and Attachment with Guest Dr. Daniel Brown
This episode is packed! Learn about complex trauma, debunk myths of false memories from an expert witness of child sexual abuse, and revisit the 3 Pillars Model of effective treatment for attachment disturbances! Also special offer included.
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54 min
December 21, 2018
86: Mentalization and Regression, Responding to Listener's Questions with Sue Marriott
We end the year by co-host Sue Marriott addressing in depth 2 questions from our audience. These focus on mentalization, the attachment spectrum and regression. We look at how we can lose the capacity to mentalize when we are in a dismissing state of mind and what happens when we regress into early modes of functioning - fun juicy topics! Enjoy!
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32 min
December 14, 2018
TU85: Attachment in the Classroom with Guest Linno Rhodes
Using the science of attachment, mentalizing and emotional regulation in the classroom.  A look at the take-aways from a tour of relational science experts, guest Linno Rhodes joins co-host Dr. Ann Kelley as they look at applying the skills learned in one's life and the workplace.
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50 min
November 30, 2018
TU 84: Why Do We Over (or Under) React? The Neurobiological Underpinnings of Attachment Categories
Neurobiological differences can be detected between secure and insecure relating, and even between the two organized insecure patterns of attachment (Dismissing and Preoccupied)!  Cool, huh!? In this Therapist Uncensored episode, co-hosts and real therapists Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP  begin to the question - why are there only 3-4 categories established in the largest body of attachment research given the zillions of different experiences across the globe?  We point to the neuroscience behind our attachment strategies that limit our biology in responding to stress and threat. This is cool because we can understand it and begin to gain mastery over our primitive reactions (& help regulate those close to us - quite a perk!). As always, we love to hearing from you!  Uncensor you feedback, comments & discussion - get in touch, or better yet, leave us a live Voicemail that we can respond to by clicking the side button on our website (add your email to enable us to message back)! In this episode, TU84, we discuss: * What is social engagement and what is the neuroscience behind it? * The role of Oxytocin in positive interaction seeking behaviour * Discrepancies in how information gets encoded between different partners can lead to difficulties with couples, especially with how future social information is encoded * The link between attachment and threat * The role of re-appraisal & neuroception * The difference between emotional and cognitive mentalization * How mentalization looks across the attachment spectrum Join the Conversation We primarily use Facebook and Twitter (@austinshrinks) This week’s question (for our private online Facebook group – join here if you are a neuronerd and would like interesting, supportive, non-solicitive engagement with other neuronerds!) Question: What 1-2 specific take-aways did you get from this episode?  (ie. What do you want to remember or for other people to be sure to hear?) Explore these Resources from this episode: * Neuroscience of Social Interaction and Adult Attachment Style – GREAT article! * The Neurobiology of Infant Attachments  – a list of articles * Neurobiology of Social Interactions - for true nerds Liked this episode? Then you’ll probably enjoy this one, too Establishing Neurological Safety Through Relationships with Guest Bonnie Badenoch. Follow our Podcast * Subscribe to  Therapist Uncensored on any podcast player, there are TONS but here are links to:  iTunes, Android (Google Podcast app now supports all formats, it's already on your Android phone) and Spotify   (this means epidsodes are downloaded automatically to your podcast player)
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55 min
November 7, 2018
TU83: Establishing Neurological Safety through Relationships with Guest Bonnie Badenoch
Learn about the natural neurobiology of co-regulation and it's capacity to engage safety and heal trauma.  In addition, this episode addresses the myth of self-regulation and how to re-engage interpersonal relationships if they've been neglected. Therapist Uncensored co-host Sue Marriott LCSW CGP chats with author and therapist Bonnie Badenoch about the concept of using safety to reshape your neural landscape through authentic relationships. Badenoch guides us through her progression of building a bridge between science and practice to cultivate the best therapeutic mind. You’ll learn how exercising “happy humility” and compassion can allow for an ideal presence in our day-to-day life using our autonomic nervous system.  Also, special hats off to Steve Porges and polyvagal theory. 0:00-30:00  What creates safety? How do our internal systems want us to be received?  Sympathetic activation happens when there’s a need to control something in light of an obstacle. Internal systems challenge to remain in an open and receptive state. Polyvagal theory and Steve Porges. How can we explore the relationship between safety and curiosity and best use the language of “safety,” versus “comfort” and “discomfort”, especially towards the beginning of therapy and in new relationships? Badenoch contends that there’s no such thing as a maladaptive experience; that humans are always adaptive and require co-regulation.  What’s the difference between co-regulation and auto-regulation? Is there a “myth” of self-regulation? Discussion of  ideal parent figure protocol.  Badenoch explores the connection between co-regulation, neural circuitry and forging relationships in your life.  30:00-60:00  Social Baseline Theory is what happens to our perceptions when someone we trust is with us. The difficulty and pain of tasks is always reduced when we’re with a trusted beloved and this relaxes our amygdala response.   Badenoch walks us through her experience of feeling safe during and between client sessions.  It’s key to have mutual, caring, receptive relationships with people who are willing to listen rather than jump in and try to offer advice. Young therapists. Everyone’s doing the best they can with what they have in their neural make up but how can we embody a therapeutic presence in the world through compassion or a “happy humility”?  Resources: A Symphony of Gifts From Relational Neuroscience (1) Excellent PDF from Bonnie Badenoch Being a Brain-Wise Therapist: A Practical Guide to Interpersonal Neurobiology [2008] Badenoch  The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Workbook [2011] Badenoch  The Heart of Trauma: Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships [2017] Badenoch The Heart of Trauma Healing the Embodied Brain in the Context of Relationships  by Steve Porges! For our listeners! We've partnered with Audible so that our listeners get a free audio book and 30 days free membership, cancel at anytime! GET MY FREE BOOK HERE We are now part of Patreon!  Become a Supernerd, an Out and Proud Supernerd or become a Platinum Neuronerd! :)  For as little as $1 a month you can join our exclusive community of Therapist Uncensored Supernerds to gain private,
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52 min
October 24, 2018
TU82: The Paradox of Masculinity with Guest Esther Perel
Can men be BOTH Relational and Masculine?  It couldn't be a more important time for thoughtful, honest, and provocative discussion on what it means to be a man in today's culture.  Perel makes a case that men are both harmed by the existing power structures and perpetuate harm by the codes imposed on them by all of us. In 2018 there are many contentious ideas about masculinity and “the male code” including confusion by men about how to hold themselves out as safe and masculine during this time of #MeToo and Kavanaugh. Esther Perel, named by Oprah as one of the 100 Supersoul visionaries joins Therapist Uncensored’s hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott in a daring discussion about the modern man at the precipice of historic mid-term elections in the United States.  Can women discuss this without "womensplaining" and what is the difference?  Well there certainly is...  Find out by hitting play! Perel also gives a glimpse into the backstory of her next Sessions Live event, the Masculinity Paradox  Second annual Sessions Live: "The Masculinity Paradox" sign up here. What is it - check it out below: Debates around patriarchy, gender equality, toxic masculinity, fatherhood and changing sexual dynamics surround us like fog, throwing us into an unusual time of transition, confusion and trouble. This one-day Sessions 2018 clinical event and workshop is built on the premise that if we support change in the emotional lives of men, it inevitably changes the lives of their partners. Drawing from psychology, trauma theory, family systems therapy, and anthropology, The Masculinity Paradox provides an essential multidisciplinary training on the current cultural crisis of gender relations -- and its unique potential to change and improve the lives of all. Episode notes: 00-20:00 Perel discusses her interest in the topic of men as well as the ability to discuss others in general and encourages women to talk about masculinity and men to talk about femininity.  Perel previews what her “Sessions Live” events are like.  Perel reflects on under/over-representation in certain fields and how she can better provide a platform for unheard voices.  Perel’s definition of the modern man and modern masculinity as a win-or-lose mentality. Perel breaks down “the male code”. What are the pressures put on men in society and in relationships?  20:00-40:00  Expectations of change compared with ambivalence towards change. Emotional afflictions of women can be considered worse for men because society deems that they are not supposed to have these feelings.  Like this and want to hear more?  Join our email list here, subscribe to Tunes here or leave us a voicemail on our website just click the button on the right, we may read or play your review on air, please rate and review us on your favorite podcast player, it helps so much!! Finally - this is really easy - join our Facebook page here to get updated popular articles on these subjects of interest. Check out our free YouTube video on using the attachment spectrum:  Modern Adult Attachment 101 to learn more Want more like this? Sexual Vitality 6 Principles of Sexual Health with Doug Braun-Harvey Resources: Masculinity Paradox liv...
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34 min
October 17, 2018
TU81: How Good Boundaries Actually Bring Us Closer, with Guest Juliane Taylor Shore
Interpersonal co-regulation requires boundary setting.  Most of us haven't been lucky enough to learn to be good at boundary setting naturally, by good examples, so we have to literally be taught how to do this important skill.  Well today we are in luck!  Jello will be your friend.  :) Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott join the founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin, Dr. Juliane Taylor Shore, in a discussion on interpersonal neurobiology and how it relates to boundaries. We’ll explore the three types of boundaries, how to co-create boundaries and how to stay regulated using internal mechanisms. After this podcast, you may very well be on your way towards building your own “Jello wall” and better co-regulating yourself when you’re overwhelmed!  0:00-25:00  Some background on Juliane Taylor Shore: Founder of IPNB Psychotherapy of Austin with interests in interpersonal neurobiology, neuroscience, philosophy, biology and physics.  How are boundaries defined and what sort of connotations come with boundaries? How can the connection between boundaries and interpersonal neurobiology actually bring people closer?   The Three Types of  Boundaries  External, Behavioral Boundary: “I don’t want to talk to you when you raise your voice at me.” Or “I’d love to see you but I can’t right now.”  The concept of having to say “no”.  Psychological Boundary: separation between people, difference between true self and parts of self (“air” between people, your truth and my truth are allowed to be different) “Jello Wall”  Containing Boundary: (individually deeming what’s okay leading up to healthy shame) Boundary that stops you from acting out.  Co-creating boundaries between two people is a great way to negotiate disagreements and find a middle ground.  “Fucked up people will try to tell you otherwise, but boundaries have nothing to do with whether you love someone or not. They are not punishments, judgments or betrayals. They’re a purely peaceable thing. The basic principles you identify for yourself that define the behaviors you will tolerate from others, as well as the responses you will have to those behaviors. Boundaries teach people how to treat you and they teach you how to respect yourself.” – Cheryl Strayed (Author of Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail)   “Jello wall”: Stop and slow down all the input coming towards you so you can ask, “Is this true or not true?” and “If it is, is this about me or not about me?” This allows you to view the world around you without getting hurt. Allows you space to reflect and be in your own system.  The differences between the logical left brain and abstract right brain influence how they connect neural networks. Healthy shame is important to not beat one’s self up over establishing boundaries.  Using young ones and animals to teach your inner protector parts to have a better containing boundary, relieving trauma by talking to your young self (you at four, sixteen, etc.) rather than beating your present self up.  25:00-50:00  Exploring the connection between attachment and interpersonal neurobiology.  The anticipation of threat before setting a boundary and connecting to something after getting overwhelmed so that it’s part of your life narrative and not something that keeps popping up.  The individual nervous system isn’t meant to survive being alone after trauma but we need co-regulatory nervous systems AND you can be your own co-regulatory system.  You can start by building up your relationship with yourself and learning to trust your internal voices, neural networks or other people.  Examples working through the three types of boundaries; Co-creating a boundary with a spouse ove...
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50 min
October 4, 2018
TU:80 Nervous Systems in the News: Dr. Blasey Ford, Sexual Trauma Stories and the Power of Patriarchy
We joke around a lot on this show, but when it hits the fan we are serious therapists devoted to treating real people and all kinds of survivors.  Today we give our best guess on they science behind why people are responding overwhelmingly to Dr. Ford's testimony - calling national and local crisis hotlines in unprecedented numbers.  We speak in this moment not from a political perspective, but from a somatic, nervous system perspective.  Something has stirred in the American public even different than the #MeToo movement, and we speak to it on this episode. We also touch on the science of memory, implicit and explicit, mirror neurons, stress hormones and threat responses and most importantly the power of patriarchy to harm both women and men, both political parties and our democracy as we know it.
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24 min
October 2, 2018
TU79: Attachment Spectrum and the Nervous System, Quick Review with Updates
A guide to secure relating and using the attachment sciences and regulation theory to improve your understanding of yourself and others in your day to day lives.  Today we review what we've discussed so far on the podcast about the attachment spectrum and add more detail about the nervous system.
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27 min
September 26, 2018
TU78: The Stress Response System (Attachment) Across the Lifespan - (Replay)
FAVORITE EPISODE!!!  This one takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s involuntary response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  In this episode, co-hosts Ann Kelley Phd and Sue Marriott LCSW,  CGP discuss attachment across the lifespan, specifically looking at the elder years and how our attachment system affects us as caretakers of our parents or as the senior who may be undergoing the various losses inherent in aging.
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32 min
September 11, 2018
TU77: Understanding the Mind with Guest Dr. Dan Siegel (Replay)
Deep discussion on how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection rather than be seen from a place of doom. Dr. Siegel called for us all to become pervasive leaders - a great inspiration. Look for a new interview with Dr. Siegel coming soon on his new book, Aware. We will publish that very early into our next season which will be launched soon! Interview with Dr Dan Siegel, the father of Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB).  Get a peak into his thoughts on building hope in our fear-based culture today, human kind across history and using this science to make changes individually and as a society. Sue Marriott LCSW and Patty Olwell LPC speak with Dr. Dan Siegel about the most recent finding in his new book, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human (A New York Times Best Seller). Dan Siegel discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed as a chance to transform human connection rather than from place of doom. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders -- Pervasive Leadership characteristics : * Change your mental model of I and Thou. * Act locally; think holistically. * Enact empathetic stewardship Human history over time – Sapians – (see resource list). Homosapians have been killing their brothers and kin since the beginning of recorded time, so any current cultural unkindness is part of our hardwiring. We can rise above it, but first recognize it as human. Interpersonal neurobiology – coined by Dan Siegel in 1999 is a way of living and viewing the world with a set of principles that lead toward integration. Integration – combining distinct specialized functions that link and connect the specializations together, creating harmony. This is a view that can be utilized within one person and across couples, families, organizations and nations. In-group/Out-group discussion and Mindsight When a person is seen as the same, we have a natural resonance and empathy.   If we feel safe we can extend that to those that appear Other. If we feel threat – even if we don’t know we are feeling it (nanoseconds of a threatening photo flashed, outside of our awareness) we respond strongly by turning off our empathy for the Out-group and turning up our response to the In-group. This is the explanation for what is happening here in the United States and Britain and many places around the world where genocides are occurring. Terror is driving this IN/OUT hostile behavior. With practice this can be changed. Say to yourself: My nervous system is making me treat the other person as an Out group member with more hostility, but that goes against my larger values of treating all human beings, all living beings with deep respect, as I would my In-group. We can rise above it. Rise above our brains initial proclivity towards bias and our mind to actively change how our brain ultimately carries out behavior – to be able to see the others mind and treat them as an in-group. Compassionately, fairly. Our leaders, people who run our country, organizations, educational institutions, clinicians, and people in positions to raise children… all have brains and minds that can overcome this biologic bias. We should see them as humans with limitations. Uninformed. They need safety to let down. FACES * Flexible * Adaptive * Coherent * Energetic * Stable MWE = me in a body + we in connection to others and the planet Eudaimonia – Greek term that means life filled by meaning and connection and equanimity not from producing and consuming junk Join our email list at www.
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58 min
August 30, 2018
TU76: Behind the Scenes with Ann and Sue, Reflections and a Look Ahead
Sue and Ann walk the walk by bringing authenticity and vulnerability to their listeners and seeking connection, engagement and feedback. They also request listener feedback and input to help them co-create an exciting and high quality Season 3 of Therapist Uncensored.
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10 min
August 22, 2018
TU 74: Mentalizing: A Critical Component For Secure Relating With Tina Adkins (replay)
Mentalizing seems easy – but actually it is quite complex. Thinking accurately about our own and others minds is such a core skill that many consider it a pre-condition for self-soothing, empathy and other facets of emotional intelligence and social-emotional maturity.
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48 min
August 15, 2018
TU73: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr Kristin Neff (replay)
Self Compassion is an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism.  It is fierce accountability that is core to psychological health… who knew?   Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self-compassion in this episode. Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews Dr. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a foremost author and expert on Self Compassion. Self Esteem vs Self Compassion This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science. Learn the important distinction between self esteem and self compassion, and how one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture. You really want to get this right and may be surprised! Treating yourself as your own best friend.
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60 min
August 4, 2018
TU72: Attachment Parenting Vs. Attachment Science, Clearing up Misconsceptions
Finding the middle ground between constantly attending to your child versus letting them learn to self-soothe is a challenge that all parents must face. In this episode, Therapist Uncensored hosts, Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP, break down the difference between "Attachment Parenting" and the science of actual Attachment theory.  They share key elements from research outcomes that surround many common misconceptions of applying the theory itself. You’ll learn that the ideals setup by Dr.William and Martha Sears and Richard Ferber might not fully translate in today’s world of parenting and that the way you respond to your child’s needs is a determining factor in how secure they will be later in life. Thank you to our sponsor! Episode brought to you in part by Theranest, they help keep us on the air and being able to offset the costs of producing this show.  Please visit their website and check out their services, you have nothing to lose and produUtivity to gain! We've arranged a deal to get 20%off your first 3 months to give you a chance to try it out.  We know you don't want to spend your time billing, you want to spend your time across from people you care about - clients, friends, family,  your pets, whomever.  But not the computer. Let them help you.U 0:00-10:00 Introduction Attachment Parenting is mostly associated with Sears & Sears Modern research shows that providing children love, kindness and responsiveness results in a more well adjusted person Attachment Theory: how a child learns that their primary caregiver can safely respond to them when they’re distressed Attachment parenting by Sears and Sears asserts the importance of the three B’s: Breastfeeding, Baby Wearing, and Baby Sleeping Attachment is a two-way process between parent and child 10:00-20:00 The three essentials for developing secure functioning Children use their caregiver to regulate their body until they can do it on their own Filling children up for exploration and being available for refueling rather than keeping children attached to you continuously Responsiveness doesn’t have to be so strict and can be attuned to your family’s needs Attunement builds secure attachment Children are resilient and will bounce back so don’t feel you have to follow all the rules, make it work for the parent-child dyad. Focus on attunement rather than strict adherence to a technique. 20:00-30:00 Babies sleeping through the night is not necessarily a sign of secure attachment Sleep training and Ferberizing is not necessarily allowing babies to "cry it out" but is a way of training them to sleep on their own. Research indicates that babies should not be sleep trained prior to 6 months of age Learning what your child’s cries mean helps you become attuned to them Putting children to bed prior to falling asleep allows them to learn to sleep on their own 30:00-40:00 Studies have shown that parent and child’s cortisol levels are both elevated at the start of sleep training but, over time the caregiver's goes down as the child expresses less distress yet the babies often stay elevated. No shame parenting allows parents to respond to their children in a way that helps them grow Children need to learn to get distressed and cry and to be soothed be loving caregivers “Prepare the child for the path and not the path for the child” Wrap up and outro Resources
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38 min
July 24, 2018
TU71: Speakably Sexy – Communicating to Make Sex Hotter and Relationships More Alive
What makes the ins and outs of sexuality so hard to talk aboout?  It turns out, if couples do talk about sex, the conversation is often mostly about frequency.  However, what is missing are the zillion of other thoughts and feelings we have about intimacy (or lack there of), desire (or lack thereof), fantasies (or lack thereof), pleasure (or lack therefo) and, oh yeah, the mechanics of sex as well.   But don't sweat it, in this episode Therapist Uncensored co-host Dr. Ann Kelley joins guest Dr. Susan Ansorge to talk about talking about sex.   Learn to overcome the difficulties of opening up to yourself and your sexual partner about these very personal and understandably anxiety-filled conversations. Dr. Susan Ansorge is a practicing psychologist in Austin, TX. Her interest, training and experience in working with sexual issues began during her tenure as a staff psychologist at the UT Counseling and Mental Health Center, and has continued through her 17 years of private practice. Dr. Ansorge was also member of the Austin Women’s Psychotherapy Project, bringing leaders in the field of gender-aware Psychotherapy to the Austin area, as well as presenting locally and nationally on topics in the areas of gender and sexuality as they relate to psychotherapy. Her written work has appeared in the National Center for PTSD Quarterly. 0:00-10:00 Introduction General difficulties in discussing sex with your partner Learning to talk about talking about sex Desire discrepancy and more complicated questions/conversations about sex The difficulty in beginning a discussion that you are afraid might be hurtful to your partner 10:00-20:00 How best to get dialogue going with your partner about desires and likes/dislikes When and where is the right place and time for the right conversation about your shared sex life? How sex is initiated and finding a compatible middle ground Desires and fantasies can often be considered taboo, but fantasies can also be a gold mine of communication Difference in fantasies between men and women, women of different ages   20:00-30:00 The element of novelty in women’s fantasies and element of pleasing their partner in men’s fantasies Part of women’s fantasies is being desired Caretaking and nurturing is counterintuitive to sexual narcissism Avoiding arousal/desire censorship   30:00-40:00 How to bring up talking about sex to one’s partner and using available resources Appreciating one’s partners perspective just like in any communication setting Wrap up and outro   Resources Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel, former guest on our show. The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin  Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex:  Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship by Laurie B. Mintz  Come as You Are by Emily Nagosaki We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well!
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37 min
July 19, 2018
TU70: Challenge Your “Busy” Identity – Gain Consciousness Over Your Pace
Do you use a to-do list as a way to justify the need to be busy rather then the other way around?  Idleness can breed discomfort and busyness seems to help to fill in the gap. Learn how conscious busyness and idleness can generate cognitive health and happiness, while unconscious busyness just adds to the stress trap. As real therapists, we challenge you to not believe what you think.  Inquire. It's healthy to question the stories you tell about yourself and the world... update your model.  Check out your story.  See if what you tell yourself is still true, or has ever been true. If it's right there is no problem in questioning,  but if you are in a mental rut you wouldn't know it unless you cache the map and look again. In this episode we ask you, has being busy become an identity, a badge of honor, or is it simply a fear of being idle?  Perhaps an antidote to loneliness? A way to be needed?  A VIP?  Are you choosing your schedule or feel as if you are being handed it?  Is that true?  :) Dive deep into an exploration of how our relationship to busyness can distance us from ourselves and those around us. Therapist Uncensored co-hosts Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss how a sense of urgency, a desire for a sense of importance, stress, and discomfort are all interrelated in dealing with idleness in your everyday lives. We’ll talk about how you can keep your mind engaged in moments of idleness and how you can make the most of your resting state by truly being idle or through purposeful activity. 0:00-10:00  Introduction Why do our minds want to be busy? How is being busy a culturally dictated status symbol? Choice and sense of urgency effect Purpose, busyness and stress The psychological discomfort of idleness despite the natural, evolutionary desire to choose it 10:00-20:00  Choosing idleness as a primal need to conserve energy Natural aversion to idleness without purpose The appeal of mindfulness through its intent to bring you something Keeping your brain busy with new skills keeps it healthier in the long run (processing speed, episodic memory) 20:00-30:00Differentiating being full vs. being busy Importance vs. urgency Your brain is always working, even (or especially) in idle times How best to use your resting state 30:00-40:00Learn to be idle rather than occupy your idle time OR move and be active (purposeful l idleness vs. purposeful activity) Boredom and stimulation, meaning and purpose Wrap up and outro Resources: Being busy may be good for your brain!  Smithsonian Magazine.   The Challenges of the Disengaged Mind  The Busier the Better: Greater Busyness Is Associated with Better Cognition   We appreciate our sponsor TheraNest! Our show is not just for mental health professionals AT ALL, but if you are a mental health professional, you will appreciate our sponsor as well!  Most of us do not want to spend our time on the business aspect of our practice. TheraNest is a practice management software that will help you streamline and manage your entire practice with ease.  They provide HIPPA compliant documentation, full-featured calendar (even with text reminders!), insurance and client billing, credit card processing and live customer service.  Ourlisteners receiving 20% discount on first three months if you sign up with
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40 min
July 10, 2018
Exploring Intersecting Genders: What We Can All Learn with Guest Li Brookens
Walk through the discovery experience of coming to understand yourself as transgender and see how this coming to know yourself relates to everyone, not just those who identify as non-binary. What's the difference between transgender and butch lesbian, sex, gender and sexual orientation, tomboy and trans... and what's the deal with the strange pronouns. Find out here.
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50 min
July 2, 2018
TU68: Separation at the Border – Compounding Trauma and Insecurity
"Security" at the border?  Relational science professionals have a lot to offer to understand the human rights event that is unfolding on the US-Mexico border.  This podcast has been all about promoting security in ourselves and our loved ones, and a primary component to this is access to your caregiver when you are young.  It effects our biology, or persistent sense of ourselves and our view of the world.  But it works both ways... Stress and fear that is ongoing also has the same persistent thumbprint as well.
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22 min
June 25, 2018
A Practical Technique to Calm and Confidence with Guest Richard Hill
As we continue our discussion of the relational sciences in everyday life, this episodes examines practical treatment ideas from a practitioner's playbook. Mirroring Hands is outlined and demonstrated in this episode.
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45 min
June 4, 2018
TU66: Lessons from the Single-Not-Dating World on Using Attachment Science in Real Life, with Guest Becki Mendivil
All the single listeners (think Beyonce!) heads up.  Learn to use attachment science at work and delve more deeply into the avoidant end of the spectrum. Attachment science isn't just about relationships, it's decades of research on how we come to see ourselves and have unconscious expectations about the world. This conversation really highlights how to think about applying it in real life scenarios, sans therapy-speak.
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52 min
May 25, 2018
TU65: Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Tuning Into the Wisdom of Your Body, with Guest Dr. Pat Ogden
Learn how tapping into the depth of wisdom your body holds can have a huge impact on your sense of self.   Body attunement + conscious reflection (left/right, top/bottom integration) are hallmark markers of secure functioning. Tap into your own body as a deep and abiding source of information and means of finding self-understanding and closer connection.
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54 min
May 16, 2018
TU64: Mindfulness Meditation with Yoga Therapist Kelly Inselman, Bonus Episode
Mindfulness literally soothes our nervous system - straight up, super cool meditation. Try it and repeat. Enjoy a straight shot of Kirtan Kriya Meditation from Kundalini Yoga Instructor and Therapist, Kelly Inselman. That's fancy for coolness and calm. Who doesn't want that? Dive right in and give yourself the gift of practicing along - we guarantee a more regulated nervous system moment. Money back guarantee. :)
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18 min
May 10, 2018
TU63: Living with Cancer - The Six Principles of Emotional Healing with Guest Kelly Inselmann
Cancer sucks, no way around it.  If you have it, had it or are supporting someone who does, this episode will be nourishment for you by bringing your mind and body into the healing and recovery process for cancer and trauma is so important.
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40 min
May 1, 2018
TU62: The Luv Doc - Dating and Relationship Advice from the Trenches with Dan Hardick
Get the Luv Doc's irreverent and bitingly honest insights on the dating scene and relationships that survive. Also known as Dan Hardick, the Doc provides a unique perspective with his decades of experience editing Personal Ads and giving cringe-worthy dating advice with his column in the Austin Chronicle. Great insights and rowdy fun.
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51 min
April 24, 2018
TU61: It's Not Crazy, It's a Solution to an Unsolvable Problem - Disorganized Attachment
The elusive 4th category of adult attachment, disorganization - and how this state of mind relates to everyone, no matter your trauma history.   Wrapping up this 3-part series (episode 59, 60 & 61) focusing specifically on adult attachment, Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss disorganized attachment, how it forms, how it appears in adult life, and how you can identify when you fall in a pocket of it to organize yourself internally and externally. Learn how to adjust back into an organized and more secure state of mind and begin to conquer your disconnection through focusing on grounding your mind, developing coherence and building solid relationships!
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36 min
April 16, 2018
TU60: Preoccupation in Relationships - Signs and Solutions to Anxious Attachment
Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP discuss the Insecure Preoccupied, or Anxious/Ambivalent side of the attachment spectrum.  This discussion can stand alone, but it also continues as a soft Part 2 from last episode TU59: Are You Cool or Just Cut Off – Dismissing Attachment.  The hosts begin to really go into how to use the attachment spectrum and use it to identify where you might fall and how to move towards a more secure place.   Find out how preoccupied attachment is formed and passed on, as well as how starting anxious effects relationships later in our adult life. You’ll learn how to manage relationships better by turning inwards and regulating yourself rather than focusing on others to calm you down. Ann Kelley & Sue Marriott, co-hosts, will also provide basic tips towards identifying where you are on the attachment spectrum and moving from preoccupation towards security.
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34 min
April 3, 2018
TU59: Dismissing/Avoidant Styles of Relating in Adulthood,
This episode is especially for those "talk to the hand" kind of people, or those that love them.  You know, the uber-independent, rational, left-brain, excel spreadsheet person that sees others emotions as needy and weak.  Co-hosts Sue Marriott LCSW, CGP and Ann Kelley PhD translate decades of research and clinical experience into easy to understand usable points to help you improve your understanding of why people appear so irrational at times.
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36 min
March 28, 2018
TU58: Improving the Interpersonal World of the Internet for Both Kids and Adults with Guest Catherine Knibbs
Enjoyable one -  learn the problematic and adaptive psychology behind online social interactions as Therapist Uncensored host Ann Kelley interviews the delightful UK-based psychotherapist.  Catherine Knibbs coined the phrase “cyber trauma” and is author of The Darker Side of the Internet for Children And Young People.  This is not conservative doom and gloom, they get into attachment and neuroscience and provide realistic recommendations to help your children navigate the web,  unpack myths, identify cyber bullying, discuss consent and provide proactive strategies that lead toward towards integration and health. Respond more adaptively to the to the internet and social media rather than swinging guardrail-to-guardrail with unkept promises and overreactions.  Explore the positive and negative elements of having a global “village” you can access instantly, anywhere via our phones and discuss the impact of the internet on developing minds and the interpersonal realm of young people and adults. It's not to late to SIGN UP FOR OUR LIVE CONFERENCE ON ATTACHMENT APRIL 7, 2018 –  Healing Adult Attachment, the 3 Pillars of Integrated Treatment  with Dr. David Elliott (Thank you to our fabulous co-sponsor Austin IN Connection.) Online reading group to start April 20, 2018 for  Attachment Disturbances in Adults Comprehensive Treatment and Repair (Norton 2016) by Daniel Brown and David Elliott.  Reserve your slot today!
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62 min
March 12, 2018
TU57: Healthy Dating for Women Who Love Women with Guest Pam Greenstone LPC
This episode is for everyone – all genders and sexualities - but today we focus on same-sex oriented women in the LGBTQ community.  Learn to get out there and enjoy yourself as you peruse your choices.
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58 min
March 6, 2018
TU56: How We Come to Define Ourselves, Attachment Research Over Decades with Guest Alan Sroufe
Pick the brain of a leading attachment researcher to more deeply understand how attachment styles from infancy are both stable and can change over time. Dr. Sroufe leads us through his 40 years of research to give us his reflections on what is important in parenting and in relationships to grow security.
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60 min
February 14, 2018
TU55: Feeling Empty?  Demoralization and the Fight Back to Caring Again.
Hopelessness, loss of meaning, and existential distress – these are the characteristics not of depression as one might think, but of demoralization.  They are different syndromes with different directions for intervention. Find out more in this episode where co-hosts Ann Kelley PhD and Sue Marriott LCSW CGP discuss how transitioning from taking an active stance towards either situation can be beneficial. Learn how you can develop both internal and external coping mechanisms against demoralization.
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32 min
January 31, 2018
TU54: The Stress Response System (Attachment) Across the Lifespan
Neuroscience continues to document our ability to change and grow throughout our life. This episode takes a wide-angle look at attachment throughout one’s life, discusses how one’s environment affects their system’s response to stress, and how that stress response system impacts us from infancy to the autumn years.  Learn how to adjust set stress “pathways” and move towards more secure relating in adult relationships, and also unravel the parallels that exist between attachment in infants and the elderly.
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32 min
January 17, 2018
TU53: Complex Trauma and Managing Dysregulation with Guest Robyn Gobbel
Whether it's your own history or someone you love, let's be honest - it can be challenging to be in committed close relationships when early attachment injuries have been layered and ongoing. Threat and unrepaired ruptures lie in our biology and our neurological systems. This episode addresses both children and adults with complicated attachment histories and gives ideas about how to manage.
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41 min
January 8, 2018
TU52: Using Mindfulness, Movement and Yoga to Manage Arousal, with Guest Kelly Inselmann
Conquer your stress and worry using the neuroscience-backed techniques in this episode. Movement and yoga can enhance the depth of therapy and assist in reducing your upset no matter where you are. Also see the bonus track that accompanies this episode, a 12-minute high-quality meditation that you definitely want to give a try! Don't be scared, you'll be surprised you like it.
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46 min
January 8, 2018
TU52.5: Bonus Episode: Meditation to Reduce Stress and Worry
Yoga master and psychotherapist, Kelly Inselman, shares with us a 12-minute meditation we think you'll love! Check it out, and listen to the companion podcast Episode 52, Using Mindfulness Movement and Yoga to Manage Stress and Worry with Guest Kelly Inselmann.
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13 min
December 15, 2017
TU51: Conquer Shame by Understanding the Science Behind the Feeling, with Guest Expert, Dr. Steve Finn
Shame, the good, the bad and the ugly!  In this podcast, learn how to recognize the various forms of shame and how guilt can be an antidote to this pit in the stomach feeling.  Sue Marriott, Dr. Ann Kelley and guest Dr. Stephen Finn engage in a wide-ranging discussion about the least favorite feeling in most people – the collapsed feeling of shame!
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59 min
December 7, 2017
TU50:  The Psychology of an Entrepreneur -Surprising Insights with Guest Krisztina ‘Z’ Holly
Get your own dormant entrepreneur excited with this podcast, which delves into the psychology of these successful leaders. Also find out how to increase the "luck" factor in getting your goals accomplished.
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52 min
November 28, 2017
TU49:  Five Strategies to Manage Intense Emotions & Why Emotional Regulation Matters
Become a master not a disaster at relationships! Quick tips to help you regulate emotions in yourself and others. Deepen your skills at deciphering these things we call feelings (ack!) and learn how to use this information to co-regulate yourself and those close to you.
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27 min
November 21, 2017
TU48: Tensions Around #MeToo, Bridging Gender in This Conversation
Can healthy dialogue around the #MeToo phenomena cross genders? We explore the tensions felt by both men and women in understanding one another and strategies to help listeners balance power and create safety together
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59 min
October 30, 2017
TU47: Attachment Insecurity and Secure Parenting with Guest Tina Payne-Bryson
Let's get real about not being a perfect parent or partner so we can do both better!   Regulation before reflection!   NYT best-selling author Tina Payne Bryson talks with Sue Marriott, co-host of Therapist Uncensored about being honest about parenting (& partnering) when you don't have a secure background yourself.  They cover constructing a coherent narrative and why that's not really enough, and what needs to be added to the equation.  they get into what healthy integration means and how it helps us navigate under stress and in the heat of an argument.  They also discuss the grief process in relation to our own parents and how that can open up possibilities of mending old ruptures and creating new growth. Finally they really get into the role of the body over the mind in creating the bottom line, a healthy regulation of self to help others.    Tina Payne Bryson is co-author with Dr. Dan Siegel of The Whole Child Brain, The Yes Brain and No-Drama Discipline and founder of The Center for Connection in Pasadena.  Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she has written for numerous publications, for example mom.me, SkillForKids and the PBS series “This Emotional Life.”  She has also co-hosted a web-based parenting show and makes frequent media appearances at venues like TIME, “Good Morning America,” Huffington Post, Redbook, The New York Times, and Real Simple.  She is the Child Development Specialist at Saint Mark’s School in Altadena, the Director of Parenting Education at the Mindsight Institute, the Director for Child Development for Camp Chippewa in Cass Lake, Minnesota, and the Child Development Director for Lantern Camps.  Tina earned her LCSW and Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.  Listen to the first one, Episode 27 Raising Secure Children here.
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45 min
October 24, 2017
TU46: Redefining Infidelity: Guest Esther Perel on Love and Desire in Modern Relationships
Guest Esther Perel shares her research on love, desire and infidelity in modern relationships. Update your model of relational and sexual health, and widen your perspective on the erotic, which is the difference between a relationship that just survives, and one that thrives!
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50 min
October 18, 2017
TU45: Music, Emotion and Therapy: Interview with Bob Schneider, Austin Music Legend
Not only does Bob Schneider (professional musician and wicked Creative) share his navigation of emotion as he writes music, in this in-depth conversation he also shares personal information about his therapy and recovery with Sue Marriott.  He goes on to describe mediocre versus great therapy, how to train your critical brain like your dog, and taking in tons of information like a whale and spitting out “song turds” from his unconscious. Blending anecdotal stories, neuroscience and attachment theory, this interview both entertains and educates. Bonus section:  Sue discusses an extended excerpt of Schneider’s song, “Let the Light In” from an attachment perspective.
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63 min
October 9, 2017
TU44: Your Brain on Music: How Music Affects Your Mind, Memory and Happiness
Learn how to use music to improve brain health, manage mood, increase relational happiness and get tips on how to build neural plasticity through this art. Remember, it's not just cotton candy for the ears! Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the deeper meaning behind people’s responses to music on the brain, and how music affects happiness and mood. How can we purposely manipulate our mood with tunes and lyrics in terms of motivation, distraction, synchronicity and stimulation? How is music a form of social architecture and how do we interact with it individually and as a whole? You’ll learn how specific music choices can directly impact relationships, emotional state and overall mental health. This is a soft part 1 to Episode 45, so you will likely want to check out our interview with Austin Music Legend Bob Schneider as he talks about the creative process music and emotion here! 0:23 – Bodily reaction to “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen. Thinking of music as social architecture for the brain rather than “cotton candy for the ears” or just entertainment. 1:26 – Response to music on the brain can be considered an extreme version of “neural wi-fi”. How do we use music to get what we want? 1:54 – How music affects the brain. Auditory cortex, motor cortex, memory, right brain experience are all activated by music. Different responses from music we like vs. music we don’t like. 3:08 – Lou Cozolino: When default mode network is activated, that is deeply reflective mental state (meditation, etc.), which in turn is good for mental health. Music that we like/dislike activates/deactivates the default mode network. 4:24 – Human and songbird study: Music creating limericks of love for human stimulates similar response for mating calls in songbirds. 5:23 – Workout music as basis/distraction for motor movement 5:38 –David Levinson (Your Brain on Music) and his study on how we use music. Compared families who played music together versus those who didn’t. When you play music out loud in the same room, your relationship becomes stronger. You sit closer, you spend more time together, and 2/3 more sex. 6:55 – Recommendation about music as social architecture: Get a cheap Bluetooth speaker for your home! 7:53 – Psychology of listening to music in humans. Primal gathering, problem resolving, protest music, cultural change and lullaby. Psychology of lullaby as regulating both mother and child’s mental state through right brain activation. 10:52 – Bodily response to “Amazing Grace” by Straight No Chaser. Sense of awe can be extrapolated from prolactin processing sorrow. 12:56 – Bodily response to “Long Ride Home “ by Patty Griffin. Simultaneous processing of music and lyrics. Humans are wired to hear stories. 13:58 – Synching up with the rhythm of the music in our minds just like synching up moods. Idea of synching up when losing a musical artist, e.g. Prince. Narrative songwriting synchs up with our emotional and analytical parts of brain. 15:50 – Part of what makes a hit song is the unexpected element since brains are anticipation machines. 17:00 – USC research on “chills” to music finds that in terms of responses to music, there are more dense fibers from the auditory system to the emotional processing system in people who get chills from music. 17:57 – How music affects motivation and Ann’s emotional response to “Gonna Fly Now” by Bill Conti. Auditory stimulation and subsequent memory of visual response to Rocky as example of social architecture. You can manipulate your mood intentionally through music 22:16 – Anticipation and dopamine of unpredictable music selections. Random music of your favorites affects your mood ...
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34 min
September 26, 2017
TU43: Sexual Vitality: Six Principles of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 2 of 2)
(PART 2 of 2) Add pleasure back in to the conversation about healthy sex and the whole conversation changes! This is the second half of a conversation with Doug Braun-Harvey, co-author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior, Rethinking Sex Addiction , where psychotherapists Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott continue to discuss the six principles of sexual health as defined by Doug Braun-Harvey.  If you missed the first episode hear it here:  Part 1 How do shared values, honesty and pleasure work into having a healthy sexual life? How do we think of sex addiction and compulsivity as a disease rather than a common problem? How do people individually have to determine if their sexual behavior is out of control?   0:00 – Intro & Recap  1:15 – Distinguishing desire discrepancy and sex frequency. Having sex can actually lead to more desire after the fact.  2:39 – Sexual Health Principle: Honesty  3:03 – There is correlation between anti-masturbation attitudes and lack of knowledge about bodily responses. Parenting tip about honesty: Respond in a way that shows you’re grateful that you’re child is asking you and glad that they’re honest with you. This will make them a better partner in the future.  5:38 – Sexual Health Principle: Shared Values. Shared values = making sure we understand the meaning of sex, even in a case-by-case basis.  8:45 – Sexual Health Principle: Pleasure. 2011 definition of sexual health from the US Government removes the word “pleasure”.  12:18 -  If you don’t let children know that you know sex is supposed to feel good, you’ll appear ignorant.  Incorporating the concept of pleasure in dialogue with not only your child, but with partners. Remove shame from pleasure.   15:43 – Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life – Emily Nagoski   16:30 – Sex Addiction: Where can pleasure go wrong? Sex addiction became a popular conceptualization in the 1980s and was coupled with alcoholism and the advent of HIV. Idea that we cross a threshold into a way of functioning (addiction) and then can’t go back became commonplace thinking. Dialogue about pain of sex rather than pleasure.  21:00 – In the US, certified sex addiction therapists are not certified sex therapists. Sex addiction model is a trauma-focused model. Questioning the idea that something physiologically, psychologically has lead us into this disorder state. Instead thinking of it as a human problem rather than a disease.  23:00 – Braun-Harvey’s definition of out of control sexual behavior: When a person’s sexual urges, thoughts or behaviors feel out of control for them.  24:30 – Often dialogue about out of control sexual behavior comes after a period of secrecy. This can conflict with shared values.  26:00 – Example of a 20-year marriage in a non-sexual relationship. Husband is masturbating frequently, is discovered, and subsequently treated for sex addiction. Instead this is not a behavior to be overly concerned about. It’s consensual solo sex.  28:00 – Construction of sexual imagery as exploitative can lead to arguments. People individually need to determine when imagery becomes exploitive. Interpretation to case: After values conflict surrounding sexual imagery as exploitative or not, they both expressed that they had pleasure from experience and got to know each other better. Sharing who you are erotically is a great way to get to know your partner.  32:50 – Violating values. Idea of being compulsive or having a disease is actually just v...
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39 min
September 19, 2017
TU42: Sexual Vitality, Refreshing our Understanding of Sexual Health with Doug-Braun Harvey (Part 1 of 2)
Add pleasure back in to the conversation about healthy sex and the whole conversation changes! In this very sexy conversation (earphones around little kids are good idea for this one!), we talk about the balance between pleasure and safety as a way to think of sexual health.   "Sexual debut" vs losing our virginity... wow, how fun is that shift in thinking, for example? This is the first half of an extended conversation with Doug Braun-Harvey, co-author of Treating Out of Control Sexual Behavior, Rethinking Sex Addiction, where Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss two of the six principles of sexual health as defined by Braun-Harvey. The following episode, Part 2, will cover the other 4! 0:00 – Intro 2:10 – Conception and construction of sexual health. How has sexual health been traditionally viewed and why has it typically been linked with fear/harm rather than pleasure? 3:45 – Move towards more balance of pleasure and safety when talking about sexual health 4:25 – Conversations about masturbation and pleasure with teenagers. 6:00 – Construction of pleasure as self-absorption vs. getting in tune with your own desires and setting natural boundaries. 7:10 – Sex therapy as discovering internal regulators so pleasure can be had. Most everyone has naturally occurring boundaries, they may have just not tapped into them yet when controlling their desire for pleasure. 8:36 – Outdated construction of sexual health prior to mid-1970s which focused primarily on no unplanned/unwanted pregnancy and no STIs. 9:26 - World Health Organization’s new definition of sexual health: Not just about having a disease, more about tension between parameters of sex around safety, respect and basic human conduct. 11:40 – Sexual Rights: 16 sexual rights added by the WHO 12:12 – Six Principles of Sexual Health: 1) Consent, 2) Non-Exploitation, 3) Protection from STIs and Unwanted Pregnancy, 4) Honesty, 5) Shared Value and 6) Pleasure. 15:15 – 1st Principle of Sexual Health: Consent 16:23 – Age of Consent 17:40 – Legal Definitions of Age of Consent 19:47 – Sex Drug-Linked Behavior 20:20 – Link between alcohol and sex 21:00 – Language of “making a sexual debut” versus “losing virginity” 22:20 – Most debated sexual value: when and how a person can make their sexual debut 24:30 – Difficulty in parents communicating with their children about making their sexual debut 25:44 – Introducing language and idea of consent at an early age 29:30 - Second Principle of Sexual Health: Non-Exploitation 30:52 – Exploitation in Adolescents, in  relationship, in infidelity, power imbalance 36:00 – Language of "Sexual Images" rather than "Pornography" and cultural bias/norms associations with that 37:09 – What’s embedded in “infidelity”? 37:49 – Idea of a Sexual Agreement 39:02 – Withholding erotic turn-ons from partner vs. sharing them with partner 41:42 - Anecdote that relates eroticism to falling in love again 42:53 - Pain of losing love due to misunderstood sexual interests 43:43 - Consent and Exploitation in the home 45:31 – Non-Exploitation through make up sex 46:04 – Desire Discrepancy Want more podcasts like this or a way to discuss this episode? Dive right in and join our private online community of "neuronerds" on FB by joining or email list here. Please go straight to Part 2 of this interview here. Also hear a later, related podcast that refers to this one, an interview with Esther Perel on Infidelity, Love and Desire here. As if that's not already enough...
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52 min
August 31, 2017
TU41: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad
IN THIS EPISODE: The Dark Side Of Therapy: Recognizing When The Therapeutic Relationship Goes Bad Show Note Queue Darth Vader music... we admit it, not all therapy is good therapy.  Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss the potential negatives in the therapeutic relationship – focusing on how a client might distinguish between good therapy, that’s tough at times and a genuinely dysfunctional relationship.   The difference between healthy dependency and one that erodes your sense of self is unpacked, as well as the idea of safe vulnerability that leads to change.  Finally, they name the truth that one can feel held hostage by the therapist and the darker more harmful effects that can happen when therapy goes bad.    Timeline  0:00 – Intro/Podcast Conference  2:48 – Recap on Episode 39 Therapeutic Relationship  3:41 – Introduction to dark side of therapy 4:12 – Types of discredited therapies: Conversion Therapy (coercive therapy that intends to change someone’s sexual orientation) Good therapy intends to assist self-exploration and colorful self expression  5:16 – Repressed memory therapy – Not helpful therapy and has potential to have traumatic outcomes.  6:12 – Sometimes therapists abuse role in exploitative way – Make sure your therapist is licensed and accredited  7:17 – What is good therapy that is hard and what is a dysfunctional relationship? It can be hard to tell the difference. Those who have experienced relational injuries and then begin to feel safe with the therapeutic relationship might feel unsafe and begin to evoke and enact what they need help healing. Therapists want to help you listen to your gut.  10:12 – Go for the connection in the therapeutic relationship and talk about relationships and attachment. Having a new experience where patient can unfold and be more themselves and be understood & recognized for who they are is in essence, therapy. Beginning to know what you think and feel already begins work on trauma.  11:51 – One of the dangers of working deeply especially with trauma is if it moves too quickly.   Sometimes the patient can feel like they’re being held captive by the therapist or acting as a narcissistic extension of the therapist  12:47 – Narcissistic Extension – Therapists as humans have their own needs and desires to be helpful but the client can potentially feel need to satisfy and gain approval from therapist in power differential.  15:43 – Therapists are in a position to keep clients hostage through barring the door by making clients feel guilty or shamed for trying to leave – Therapists need to understand desire to leave and affirm right to do so. Exploration is good but guilt and shame is something else.  Respect boundaries of patient.  Allow them to explore the urge to leave or to act and leave.  If it was wrong move they will figure that out and return on their own accord to you or someone else to resume.  22:12 – Sometimes clients can be difficult but this is healthy and normal. Discomfort directed at the therapist or expression of suicidal ideation can sometimes lead to a premature end to the therapeutic relationship. Therapist-initiated termination is a huge risk and always complicated and potentially harmful.   24:31 – Boundaries are important to talk about in the therapeutic relationship. No romance, sexuality or bargaining. Letting the boundaries slowly slip a little bit and eventually crossing the line can be extremely harmful to clients. Doing something like stopping a session on time despite making ground or even just collecting payment are healthy, loving professional acts in the relationship.  28:43 – Basic goal for patients in therapy: you should be getting better, not feel shamed intrinsically from relationship...
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August 22, 2017
TU40: Meditation And Neuroplasticity Provide a Path To Healing: An Interview With Sarah Peyton
IN THIS EPISODE: Meditation And Neuroplasticity Provide a Path To Healing: An Interview With Sarah Peyton Show Notes Patty Olwell interviews Sarah Peyton, author of Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations & Exercises to Engage Your Brain’s Capacity for Healing on the neuroscience of language and emotions. Their discussion covers Sarah’s background in non-violent communication and her more recent work with the impact of specific interventions and meditations to foster brain plasticity and empathy towards ourselves and others. They explore what kinds of language can we use that lets brains relax and move into a space of fluidity? How does this relate to healing from trauma? What kind of language do we use with ourselves to develop empathy? How do we develop an inner voice of understanding rather than self-criticism? Timeline 0:00 Intro 1:44 – What drew Sarah Peyton to this work – First non-violent communication (Marshall Rosenberg) Rosenberg weekend – first time hearing that use of language 3:51 – How non-violent communication works like therapy – a place where people listen rather than just try to problem solve – what happens when you use feeling words & how it changes the activity of the amygdala – (Matthew Lieberman) 4:40 – Matthew Lieberman study of facial expressions –when you accurately name the facial expression/emotions you’re seeing, the activity in the amygdala falls by half- people using language differently put Peyton into a space of fluidity (there is always an amygdala response to intense facial expressions) 5:29 – Daniel Siegel – Name it to tame it – Why does this work? 6:02 – What kinds of language do we use that lets brains relax and move into a space of fluidity? How does this relate to healing from trauma? How are brains impacted by trauma? Language as the neurotransmitters of human-ness - Verbal & nonverbal communication between two people 8:45 – Shift of focus from communication to brains – Daniel Siegel’s The Developing Mind, The Neurobiology of We 10:30 – How are we moved & changed by the words we use with one another? 12:00 – Dan Siegel’s contingent communication – how do our words reflect that we actually heard the other person? This quality comes through very subtly even in written communication 14:37 – Study of how Sarah Peyton used words with her children revealed the breaks & chasms between getting business of life done and having a relational connection 15:52 – What kind of language do we use with ourselves? Matthew Lieberman’s work with the default mode network. How do our minds think when there’s nothing else to process? When the brain is not directed towards something in particular, it reverses to default network. 18:07 – What is the automatic voice of our brain and can it be changed? 19:32 – Your Resonant Self: Guided Meditations & Exercises to Engage Your Brain’s Capacity for Healing – Speaking unkindly to yourself – Importance of warmth in language – Trauma impacts the default network – experiences of being alone create default networks that are trying to help us – How do we turn towards voice of understanding rather than self-critical voice? 22:31 – How to be precise with language: To be precise with what the feeling tone is. To be precise with what the deep longing is: survival, thriving, peace, room to grow, capacity to have your own timing, etc. Precision with what the timing of the trauma is – that the trauma is no longer happening – By using the past tense, the brain is using precision – What’s so upsetting is in the past and getting acknowledgment 25:01 – People often say yes most often when asked if they’re seeking acknowledgment for what happened in ...
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August 14, 2017
TU39: Getting What You Want From Therapy: The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship
IN THIS EPISODE: Getting What You Want From Therapy: The Essentials Of A Therapeutic Relationship Show Notes Dr. Ann Kelley, Sue Marriott & Patty Olwell chat about the importance of building a strong therapeutic relationship with clients. We’ll discuss how feelings of love, hate, disappointment, excitement and more between a therapist and a patient are not only normal, but even potentially essential to working towards healing. They break-down counter-transference and how mutual influence works to help clients grow. Timeline 0:00-0:27 Intro Questions 0:27- Possibilities for Therapist-Client relationship (potential for harm from power differential in the relationship OR neural sculpting) – When choosing a therapist, be prepared to be changed by this new relationship. Therapists are permanently changed once attached to clients – mutual sculpting 1:53 –Old analytic model of psychotherapy – therapist as flat, neutral agent. Therapist actually can influence the client. Relationship as we know it now is not unidirectional – the most healing agent is the relationship in psychotherapy. 2:30 – How to pick a therapist – interview several 2:54 – What to do if you’re experiencing love, hate, disappointment, excitement, etc. in a relationship with your therapist The General Theory of Love – it’s normal to feel these feelings and it also may be essential to the healing agent 4:36 – Now that you understand these feelings are normal – what next? Talk about them with your therapist – express your feelings, then let process begin – However this experience may be regressive and if the therapist isn’t willing to help you may have to move on 6:44 – How to discern when emotional events are part of the therapeutic process of working through past trauma or when it’s harmful and retraumatizing Hope to have a different outcome than in the past – We can learn that we have difficult feelings or conflicts but it doesn't have to end the relationship. It is possible to talk about and process these feelings with your therapist. 8:22 Discerning between healthy and unhealthy emotions in relationship Openness & willingness to talk through – Discomfort is part of journey towards healing 9:20 – Difference between feeling uncomfortable and actually being unsafe – Nesting Dolls – Problem of acting or thinking a certain way only around therapist versus outside the office 11:00 – Feeling safe, then feeling vulnerable when seeking advice in therapy 11:57 – Therapists need to follow the clients lead when someone comes in seeking career advice or a quick fix for a problem – If client isn’t ready or interested in deep processing we can move as quickly or as slowly as they need. 13:05 – Therapists want patients to find answer themselves, but often also want to be helpful - problem of giving/expecting advice 14:37 – Counter-transference – Therapists feelings get brought up – Therapy as an interpersonal dance 20:30 – Sue’s anecdote about the pay less price tag – compared to being in a family where you can’t name the embarrassing/traumatizing element in your life 22:31 – See therapist in a way that allows client to express emotions 27:00 – Empathy in therapists – don’t want to deny clients the power position in power differential 27:51 – As a client there’s a felt need to not have to take care of therapist in terms – expectation of a certain level of maturity, experience, intelligence, etc. ; have a bigger, stronger other that allows you to be “messy” 28:30 - How and why a boundary is important in a therapeutic relationship – need to feel safe – Frame (time, space, money) – Frame will not be broken 31:03 – Wrap up: All these thoughts & feelings are acceptable – Talk about them with therapist and if they can’t handle it then consider a new one – but first tell your ...
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July 26, 2017
TU38: The Blended Family: How to Create Strong and Lasting Step-Family Relationships
IN THIS EPISODE: The Blended Family: How to Create Strong and Lasting  Step-Family Relationships Show Notes This episode breaks it down by debunking the most popular myths and giving specific do's and don'ts to help you create secure long-lasting families no matter their origin. Blended Family Myths Wicked stepmothers and red-headed step children – our psyche with the help of Disney often portrays step-families through a suspicious lens. However, only 23% of families are made up of two heterosexual biological parents in their first marriage. So called "weird" families such as blended, same-sex parents, adoption and foster, grandparents parenting, polyamorous and so on are the new normal. Adults living with biologically unrelated children have unique challenges, and in this episode we focus specifically on blended families. Dr. Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott discuss common myths as well as tips toward achieving a healthy blended family bond. We unpack the tensions that often emerge as two cultures come together and deliver practical solutions for how to avoid pitfalls and build a foundation that helps the process of reconstituting a new gaggle go smoother. Also, gender and developmental differences are discussed - you may be surprised that sons and daughters respond differently. Finally same-sex headed families are also discussed, the unique strethgs and challenges within these families. Hey glbtq - headed parents out there – don't worry we totally have your back. We are all about it and are working on an entire episode on the beautiful and unique gifts of glbtq families coming to your podcast player soon. Timeline 0:50 - Intro 2:27–Blended family 3:52–Myth 1 of Blended Families: Stepfamilies are not as healthy as "real" families. 5:50–Why children struggle more than those in first-marriage, intact families andhow to prevent it 7:26–Effect of divorce on children–socio-economic drop and severe change of routine should be prevented 8:34–Whatever you do, don't mess with the mind of the child in how they see theother parent (ie.alter the child's internalized image of the other parent). 9:50–Myth 2 of Blended Families: Stepfamilies break up more often and that is a bad thing 13:36–Myth 3 of Blended Families: Children who come from divorced and thenblended families will likely struggle in life. (All families have problems–step families are just more exposed and therefore vulnerable) 14:45–Difference between boys & girls transitions becoming stepchildren 17:00–Time helps everyone–How can we expedite the process of feeling like afamily and speed up the process?  17:50–When parent's sense of fantasy and pressure to get it right and rushing the process leads to combustible outcomes. 18:50–Being around parents that are overtly affectionately in love can be difficult for children and may increase the tension within the child or between the child andparent/stepparent. Many times children haven't seen parents fall in love 21:25–Idealized fantasy of second marriage & pressure to get it right the 2nd time around 22:23–Blending families = blending two cultures (Don't try to create one united front) 27:50–Differences in administering discipline is a frequent source of conflict in blended families (Permissive parents vs. boundary-setting parents) 28:50–Don't step into direct-disciplinary role for the first year as a step-parent. Working towards a non-polarized, firm, loving place where child still has boundaries 33:05–The more stuck a child gets in an outside position, more potentially damaging (Bio parent & step parent need to have empathy for child who might be shifted into an outside position) 38:12–Tip: Watch for losses and loyalty bonds and changes (Loss of parental attention is a major the...
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July 18, 2017
TU37: Organizing The Disorganized: Understanding The Elusive Attachment Category
IN THIS EPISODE: Organizing The Disorganized: Understanding The Elusive Attachment Category Show Notes  Disorganized attachment states of mind happen to us all. We temporarily get lost in a jumble and it's difficult to track what is happening... but for some this is a more serious concern that can reflect much of how we feel much of the time. By popular request, we begin to unravel the last attachment category and update current thinking that includes those who have unresolved trauma, loss or have had caregivers who were frightening. Disorganized Attachment In this episode, Sue Marriott, Patty Olwell and Dr. Ann Kelley discuss this oft-overlooked fourth category; disorganized attachment and how it affects our adult lives. We go over it's development and move to our current thinking on what it includes. We’ll talk about how attachment is formed as a survival skill and how loss, trauma and frightening caregivers transport individuals to disorganized spaces. Towards the end you’ll learn how relationships can provide safety and security in neurobiological terms, and how you can affect change for yourself or a loved one. Timeline 0:00 -1:53 Intro 1:53 – 3:49 Quick review of attachment & underlying organized dynamics (Secure & Insecure) Insecure attachment (Insecure Preoccupied & Insecure Avoidant) 3:49 – 4:18 Data on attachment and historical figures (John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, Mary Main) 4:18 – Attachment as biological imperative & cross cultural - everyone has an attachment system 4:59 Three distinct categories – The addition of the fourth distinct disorganized attachment category (The Strange Situation) 6:54 – The problem of disorganization in adults rather than children (update) – Applying data to real life individual people – Disorganization/attachment as a spectrum 7:59 – How can we begin to move towards the middle (secure) including the disorganized? 9:32 – Buckets instead of a category 10:19 – What does disorganized attachment look like in an adult? What does “unresolved” mean? Losing mentalization & context, disorganization in parents 11:59 – Frightening caregivers - Deborah Jacobvitz 12:51 – Moving unresolved into resolved space – Narrative coherence (resolved) Unresolved taking too much information forward so you can’t forget about the stress event or events bad (in the form of nightmares, intrusions, and pre-occupations) 15:03 Other side of unresolved - avoidance of incident/trauma 16:09 – Children with trauma don’t have narrative coherence – body remembers incident but it's fragmented 17:09 = Clinicians that came in after Ainsworth Main and Bowlby – Patricia Crittenden (student of Ainsworth). Keeping the caregiver available. 20:09 – Finding an organized state balanced between thinking and feeling 21:00 – What to do in order to heal (developing trust is key to healing) 22:00 – Biology of attachment 23:00 – Free Online Course on Modern Adult Attachment coming soon, along with others that will include Advanced Studies - join the waiting list for the free course at www.therapistuncensored.eventbrite.com 25:47 – Outro Therapist Uncensored Online Course – Reserve your spot now! In addition if you enjoyed this, we will be providing much more from a synthesis of the latest and greatest ideas out there for intervention, prevention and clinical work for those of us that didn’t come by secure relating in the old-fashioned way, from parents. For those that are having to work to earn it or who treat people with attachment insecurities, we have an online course coming up soon. Email us at info@www.therapistuncensored.
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July 10, 2017
TU36: The Neuroscience Of Psychotherapy: An Interview With Louis Cozolino
IN THIS EPISODE: The Neuroscience Of Psychotherapy: An Interview With Louis Cozolino You may also be interest to hear an updated interview with Lou Cozolino Neurofluency    Show Notes Patty Olwell and Louis Cozolino have a wide-ranging discussion of interpersonal neurobiology and how it explains why good therapy works. They also use this lens to talk about why good teachers are effective. Finally, they touch on Cozolino's current work around executive function and it's importance in being a good manager. Why Psychotherapy Works Cozolino discusses how he views psychotherapy as a learning context where the therapist is trying to stimulate learning and change in the client. Neuroscience focuses on brain plasticity and what stimulates learning and change in the brain. As he studied both these interests he was struck by the realization that "psychotherapy had been guided by the invisible hand of neroplastic principles from the beginning".These are just two different lenses to look at the same process. Common Factors He outlined four common factors that are necessary to foster neuroplasticity and effective therapy. * Establishing a safe relationship - learning and change can only take place in safety. * Mild to moderate stress - some stress fosters plasticity but beyond a certain threshold the brain systems that control change and learning shut down. * Activation of thinking and feeling - you can't think your way through therapy nor can you feel your way through therapy. He posits that integrating neural systems that are dedicated to the left side (biased toward cognition) and right side (biased toward emotion) of the brain is underlying the effectiveness of psychotherapy. * Creating a new adaptive personal story - effective therapy creates a story that includes an explaination of what went wrong and an explanation of what you have to do to correct it and move toward health. Cozolino says the stories contain a memory for the future.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Louis Cozolino:The Neuroscience of Psychotherapy: Healing the Social Brain (Third Edition) (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) 2017 Louis Cozolino: The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social Brain (Second Edition) (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) 2014 Louis Cozolino: Attachment-Based Teaching: Creating a Tribal Classroom (The Norton Series on the Social Neuroscience of Education) 2014 Louis Cozolino: Why Therapy Works: Using Our Minds to Change Our Brains (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) 2015 Louis Cozolino: The Social Neuroscience of Education: Optimizing Attachment and Learning in the Classroom (The Norton Series on the Social Neuroscience of Education) 2013 These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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June 29, 2017
TU35: Sexuality From A Neurobiological Perspective
IN THIS EPISODE: Show Notes Sexuality From A Neurobiological Perspective In this episode, our guest is Dr. Alexandra Katehakis, Ph.D., LMFT, who is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, California and author of Sex Addiction As Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment, co-author of the multiple award-winning Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence, contributing author to Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts, and author of Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot Healthy Sex While in Recovery From Sex Addiction. Dr. Katehakis’ and Dr. Kelley engage in a sex-positive discussion on how neurobiology, affect regulation and sexuality intersect and impact our ability to express ourselves fully throughout our lives. This podcast answers such questions as: * How do we engage our kids in a positive, non-shaming way about their developing sexuality? * How can the experience of shame around sexual experiences at an early age lead to sexual compulsivity? * How do you talk with our sexual partner/s about needs, desires, fears and wants in order to have sexual lives rich with vitality and excitement? * How do psychoneurobiology, sex and trauma relate to one another? * How can people restore their sexuality to something that’s true and beautiful for them? * How has the availability of internet pornography shaped our culture, our brains and our sexual expression? * How does one recognize and treat the signs of sexual compulsivity and sex addiction? Sexual addiction is addressed as a non-shaming and hopeful conceptualization that promotes successful treatment and secure relating. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self Alan Schore * Facing Recovery, Starting Relational and Sexual Recovery Patrick Carnes * Brainstorm the Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain Dan Siegel * Center for Healthy Sex Dr. Alexandra Katehakis * Excellent PDF by Dr. Alexandra Katehakis shared with permission. *  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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June 21, 2017
TU34: Treating Attachment Disruptions in Adults With David Elliott
IN THIS EPISODE: Treating Attachment Disruptions in Adults With David Elliott Show Notes We knew we had to interview Dr. Elliott upon finding his book, Attachment Disturbances in Adults, Treatment for Comprehensive Repair(2016). It immediately became Sue’s current favorite read and that is saying a lot! We cover quite a lot in this podcast, especially about treatment, but if that still isn’t enough, these show notes are PACKED with PDF’s of great material offered by Dr. Elliott! Below you will find 4 full PDF handouts about the salient ideas of their synthesis of treatment for adults with attachment disruptions. In today’s episode you will hear about why attachment matters, background thoughts on insecurity and prevalence, brand new (to the US) and updated attachment research and then we mostly focus on how to apply all this knowledge with clients with attachment issues, and ourselves. Dr. Elliott introduces our audience to the 3 Pillars of Comprehensive Treatment: Ideal Parent Protocol, Metacognition and Fostering Collaborative Capacity. While he touches on them all, please download the 4 PDF attachments provided below, and start by reviewing the Overview. If for any reason you have trouble getting them, contact us and we will shoot them over to you! Four PDFs * Overview of the Three Pillars Model of Attachment Treatment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) The Five Primary Conditions that Promote Secure Attachment (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Levels of Metacognitive Skills (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Fostering Collaborative Capacity and Behavior (Brown & Elliott, 2016) Exciting Announcement We were SO impressed with the freshness and comprehensive synthesis of their ideas that we are collaborating with Dr. Elliott to come to Austin to present this model in person! We are finalizing dates and co-sponsors for a full Advanced Clinical Studies conference for mental health clinicians as we speak…. so stay tuned for this exciting official announcement. Therapist Uncensored Online Course – Reserve your spot now! In addition if you enjoyed this, we will be providing much more from a synthesis of the latest and greatest ideas out there for intervention, prevention and clinical work for those of us that didn’t come by secure relating in the old-fashioned way, from parents. For those that are having to work to earn it or who treat people with attachment insecurities, we have an online course coming up soon. Email us at info@www.therapistuncensored.com to reserve your slot and we will send you more details of the course as it unveils. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Daniel Brown, co-author of Attachment Disturbances in Adults This is his current website, which focuses on his meditation and spiritual development activities. * Attachment Disturbances in Adults Treatment for Comprehensive Repair (2016) Daniel Brown andDavid Elliot...
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June 16, 2017
TU33: Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment
IN THIS EPISODE: Adverse Childhood Experiences: A Roadmap To Understanding And Treatment Show Notes Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACES) ACES was a ground breaking study where over 17,000 members of a Kaiser Permanente HMO were surveyed about childhood exposure to trauma. They were asked about ten areas: * Physical abuse * Sexual abuse * Emotional abuse * Physical neglect * Emotional neglect * Mother treated violently * Household substance abuse * Household mental illness * Parental separation or divorce * Incarcerated household member Findings The study found that Adverse Childhood Experiences were common. They tended to occur together.  And finally the higher the number of them an individual was exposed to the more predictive they were of future health, social and behavioral problems. Subsequent studies have confirmed these findings and continue to expand our understanding of the prevalence of exposure to Adverse Childhood Experiences across different populations and geography. Intervention The strong links to future health, social and behavioral problems has called attention to the need for interventions to prevent Adverse Childhood Experiences and to treat individuals that already have an exposure to them. Interventions are being implemented in education, criminal justice, social services and many other areas. Some pediatricians are screening mothers and kids to identify risks and vulnerabilities or to understand behavior problems. Many schools focus on creating trauma-focused classrooms that help kids calm their nervous systems in order to allow them to focus on learning. Conclusion These exposures can become signposts or "witness marks" to point us toward where attention and treatment are needed to reduce future risks   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * ACES: Adverse Childhood Experiences Study * Once you have your ACES Score, go here to understand what it means. * Now that you’ve taken the ACE Survey, take the resilience survey here! * Childhood Disrupted - How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal * Check out this interactive graphic, Consequences of Lifetime Exposure to Violence COLEVA — Consequences of lifetime exposure to violence and abuse. Go there to learn more and see more references to the detailed original research. * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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May 24, 2017
TU32: Mentalizing:Breaking Down A Critical Component For Secure Relating With Tina Adkins
IN THIS EPISODE: Mentalizing: Breaking Down a Critical Component for Secure Relating with Tina Adkins, Phd Show Notes Mentalizing seems easy – but actually is quite complex. Thinking accurately about our own and others minds is such a core skill that many consider it a pre-condition for self-soothing, empathy and other facets of emotional intelligence and social-emotional maturity. It is also something that one can learn at any time in life, so it’s never too late to improve in this capacity for yourself or your children! Mentalizing and Attachment Of course this is directly related to attachment styles, which is part of our interest. The coolest thing is that you don’t have to have even earned security to learn to do it and interrupt the unintended transmission of insecure relating! We used to think you had to have years of intensive psychotherapy or a long-term secure relationship to convert to earned secure in order to naturally parent in a way that doesn’t transmit the insecure internal working models to our kids. Now we know that with short-term cognitive interventions we can teach this particular skill and that alone improves the attachment security outcome for children of high risk parents. This is exciting! When early caregivers are unable to reflect on their children's state of mind, these kids do not receive the active and ongoing feedback they require to develop this important capacity. This is big, because without this skill they do not learn how to understand their own thoughts, feelings, and motivations; nor the thoughts, feelings, and motivations of others. Mentalization is what enables us to develop a sense of identity and the capacity to understand both our own feelings and motivations; and those of others. Keeping Your Own and Others' Minds in Mind Dan Siegel calls it Mindsight, it’s also been called Reflective Function and Metacognition, but it all basically refers to being able to accurately see your own mind as it works – body, feelings, thoughts, and other people’s minds as they are whirling away, to infer the attitudes, motivations, affect and feeling behind the thinking. The better we are at mentalizing the more securely we relate. Dr. Adkins breaks down the concept and skills required, it’s simple but not as easy as it seems. Her work in the foster care system is truly revolutionary, but these skills can be applied to adoption, children in general, and adults wanting to improve on their feelings of insecurity in the world. Biography Tina Adkins, PhD, is a Research Associate at the University of Texas at Austin, School of Social Work. She completed her PhD in Theoretical Psychoanalysis under the direction of Peter Fonagy and Patrick Luyten at University College London and the Anna Freud Center, specializing in attachment based interventions for foster/adopted children and their families. Her work in London resulted in a promising psychoeducational intervention for foster/adoptive parents designed to increase their mentalizing skills. Her research and clinical work continue to focus on the development and assessment of mentalization in parents and families. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Tina Adkins: : Family Minds An Attachment-based Mentalizing Psycho-Educational Intervention for Foster and Adoptive Parents * Tina Adkins: Why being reflective is so important for foster and adopted children * Peter Fonagy (2015):  
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May 17, 2017
TU31: Attachment on a Spectrum: Navigating Adult Insecurity and Security
IN THIS EPISODE: Attachment on a Spectrum: Navigating Adult Insecurity and Security It’s been awhile since we’ve talked specifically about attachment.  In this episode we are going to discuss it again more from a clinical perspective rather than from a research perspective. We are focusing on research updated within the past decade including Patricia Crittendon (see graph). We are examining attachment on a spectrum rather than fixed styles. It may not sound a whole lot different on the surface; however, this is an real update from Bowlby, Main and Ainsworth.  This conversation sets us up to do more clinical intervention that we will discuss in later episodes. Attachment is a biologically based drive that helps mammals survive by gaining safety, comfort and pleasure from their caregivers. Cultures can greatly impact the type of attachment that is normalized. No matter where you start, you can grow towards attachment security, what we call “earned security.” We may anchor more in one area, but move in the continuum depending on situation/relationship. Previous assessment measures such as the AAI scored speakers that switched styles as disorganized, but the newer clinical research such as the DMM allows speakers to switch styles due to having different attachments to different caregivers, to use different working models based on different stressors (low stress low preoccupation, high stress, high dismissiveness for example), or be specifically driven. In other words, they aren’t necessarily disorganized at all. Regardless of where you begin, the work is to move more and more toward the middle toward secure relating. Rather than utility…let me fix your emotions…it is better to help the individual feel it, express it and utilize relationships to help regulate themselves. We outline the continuum… From Dismissive (blue) to Secure (green) to Preoccupied (red) (See graph above). The more in the middle, the healthier use of the relationships, at either end of continuum, we get further and further away from what is going to help us, especially relationships. Attachment On A Spectrum Blue-this side emphasizes thinking/uses emotional shut down Green – balances between cognition and affect Red…this side emphasizes emotions! Lots of words! When we lean too far right on the preoccupied side, we get caught in the feeling! Get flooded, and lose our listener, not enough internal resources to soothe self AND reach for the other.. As we are reaching, we are panicked because we don’t believe they will be there AND we don’t believe we can survive if they aren’t! It’s an emotional conundrum. Then we engage in behaviors that end up overwhelming those in relationship with us. Thus they pull away and confirm the reality that no one will be there. When we lean too far left, on the avoidant/dismissive side, we get too rational and sort of cold, and our task is to get our hearts back on-line, and to feel our needs again. When we lean too far on the right side, we get consumed with our own feelings and become blamey, clingy and underestimate our contribution to the problem. It’s best to take ourselves most seriously by reconnecting to the person we are interested in being comforted by, try on their perspective, and cool our jets a bit so we can be more effective in communicating. We can unintentionally scare the one’s we love the most away. There is a lot more to it but this is a good start, stay tuned for more. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Patricia Crittendon and Andrea Landini: Assessing Adult Attachment A Dynamic-Maturational Approach to Discourse Analysis (2011) Book that...
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May 10, 2017
TU30: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness
IN THIS EPISODE: The Stages of Change: A Roadmap to Readiness Show Notes Figure out where you are in the change cycle to be more efficient at stopping your drinking, weed smoking or over-eating. Be more effective with others by identifying where they are in the change cycle. In this episode we talk about an old addictions concept, the Stages of Change by DiClemente and Prochaska, and apply it to many trouble spots in life. Stages of change model starts with Precontemplation and moves to Contemplation, Preparation, Action, Maintenance, Relapse….The idea here is recognize that a whole lot happens in the noggin well before you see any action to fix the problem behavior. We also discuss it from a 4-part perspective, which we call Process of Change Unconscious dysfunctional behavior – help the person have a reason to change, encourage exploration, leave door open for future conversations, don’t be controlling or aggressive here, talk about your needs not theirs Conscious dysfunctional behavior – ambivalent feelings usually present, help sort out pros and cons but don’t take just one side, encourage further exploration Conscious functional behavior – lot’s of support, no shame with failure, identify and assist problem solving of obstacles, small steps good, link with social support Unconscious functional behavior – keep practicing and it’ll move here, continue to get support and connect to values, cope w/ relapse, move from external motivation to internal RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Process of Change: PDF visual representation of Process of Change * Prochaska JO, DiClemente CC, Norcross JC: In search of how people change. Am Psychol 1992;47:1102–4, * Miller WR, Rollnick S: Motivational interviewing: preparing people to change addictive behavior. New York: Guilford, 1991:191–202. * Gabor Mate: In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts nothing glib or self-helpish about this book, thorough and compelling look at addiction throughout our society. Recommended by TU. * Maia Szalavitz: Unbroken Brain, A Revolutionary New Way of Understanding Addiction New York Times best-seller, paradigm-shifting * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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May 3, 2017
TU29: Understanding Adolescent Self-Consciousness From A Brain-Wise Perspective
IN THIS EPISODE: Understanding Adolescent Self-Consciousness From A Brain-Wise Perspective Show Notes Listening to a teenager obsess about the pimple on their cheek or other body part that doesn’t look right and that in their mind is glowing neon can be hard to empathize with. The extreme level of adolescent self-consciousness seems oddly self-absorbed from an adult vantage point. In this episode, we discuss the science behind what makes this experience so universal for this developmental age period. We will also help distinguish between what types of adolescent self-consciousness to expect and which types to keep an eye on if a bit too excessive. Finally, we give the listeners concrete recommendations on how to help parents and adolescents cope with this period in their lives, especially when you become the subject of their embarrassment. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Leah H. Somerville, Rebecca M. Jones, Erika J. Ruberry, Jonathan P. Dyke, Gary Glover, and BJ Casey: Medial prefrontal cortex and the emergence of self-conscious emotion in adolescence. Sage Journals, Vol. 24 Issue 8 2013 * Julie C. Bowker and Kenneth H. Rubin:Self-consciousness, friendship quality, and adolescent internalizing problems. Br J Dev Psychol. 2009 Jun; 27(0 2): 249–267. * Dan Siegel: Brainstorm:Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
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April 28, 2017
TU28: Minding Anxiety: How To Reduce Noise In The System
IN THIS EPISODE: Minding Anxiety: How To Reduce Noise In The System Our Survival Brain Our brains evolved to be alert for threats. It was valuable to be scanning our environment for predators, planning escape routes and rehearsing contingencies when we were living on the savannah. Today rather than facing being eaten by a predator, our stressors are more likely to be a conflict with our spouse, a difficult boss, financial worries. But our brain reacts the same way it did when faced with a saber toothed tiger. Our emotions and nervous system are hijacked by our brain into survival mode. But because there isn't a discrete threat, we can be caught in a continuous cycle of  anxiety and worry. Relief From Anxiety and Worry When we are worrying or anxious we are not present in our own lives. This can affect our health, our relationships and diminish our sense of wellbeing and ability to enjoy life. We outline a three part exercise to find relief from anxiety and worry. The first part of that exercise is to pause and identify what is the worry. Ask yourself what is the story you are telling yourself. When you are clear on the worry, move down into your body and try and feel what the emotions are connected to that story. Try to stay in your body and really feel those difficult feelings. Don't go back into the story. When you are ready comfort yourself. Extend compassion to yourself. Co-hosts Sue and Patty offer personal examples of how to move through the process with stories from their experience.     RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Tara Brock – Finding True Refuge: Meditations for Difficult Times * Tara Brock– Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha * Kristen Neff– The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions * Jon Kabat-Zinn– Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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April 18, 2017
TU27: Raising Secure Children With Guest Tina Payne Bryson
IN THIS EPISODE: Raising Secure Children with Guest Tina Payne Bryson In this episode co-host Sue Marriott interviews attachment expert Tina Payne Bryson about the real challenges of staying attuned and connected while raising children. It’s a no-nonsense conversation that offers parents practical steps to increase the odds of raising secure kids. For child-free individuals it’s also a great conversation about what we needed but may not have gotten, so it’s a good listen for those needing to develop more self-empathy. We discuss how to stay curious, peel back the layers and recognize the behavior as communication.Tina Payne Bryson explains the problem with Time Out, and what to do instead. Then we discuss how to move out of reactive states of mind in order to be ready to teach (discipline) your child, and how to help your child be ready to receive (learn from) our highly valuable feedback. :) In addition we cover ruptures and repairs, and the gap between over and under-invested parents. Practical ideas such as the 4 S’s: safe, secure, seen and soothed are explained. We end with two key pieces of advice for all parents – soothe your child especially when they are in heightened distress (read: often when they are behaving badly), and soothe yourself as needed (balancing autonomy and connection is a sign of security). Finally, listeners are advised to keep challenging what you think you know! RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Printable PDF -- The Whole Brain Child with permission by Tina Payne Bryson. * Printable PDF -- No Drama Discipline refrigerator sheet, with permission by Tina Payne Bryson * Tina Payne Bryson website has tons of free resources. * The Center for Connection – more resources here * Tina Payne Bryson and Dan Siegel: No Drama Discipline Workbook Exercises, Activities and Practical Stragegies * Tina Payne Bryson and Dan Siegel: The Whole Brain Child * Tina Payne Bryson and Dan Siegel: No Drama Discipline  *  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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April 3, 2017
TU26: Live Conversation With Austin In Connection About Interpersonal Neurobiology
IN THIS EPISODE: Live Conversation With Austin In Connection About Interpersonal Neurobiology Show Notes In this special episode, we take you deep in the heart of Austin TX where therapists gather to learn, study and practice the relational sciences and interpersonal neurobiology. Austin IN Connection is the largest organized gathering of local therapists studying and applying this research in the world. In today’s episode, co-hosts Patty Olwell Ann Kelley and Sue Marriott turn the mics around and let the world hear from these experienced clinicians and students, and share with them and all of you the most important and useful applied concepts of interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB). Personally we can say it was the most ambitious episode we’ve recorded to date, we are therapists first and podcasters second, and we are still within our first year of podcasting so we are still figuring things out. To record live, unscripted and to a highly respected and well-trained audience of friends and peers was… well, nerve-wracking to say the least. The first half we intentionally did not record, and shared conversation and sanctuary with this diverse community of therapists. We also shared some of the history of AINC in it’s 10th year of existence now and even how Year of Conversations came to have its name (Sue Marriott was co-founder of AINC and Patty Olwell former President, so it was nice to be back continuing the journey of getting the word out to the world about the importance and relevance of the relational sciences). Once we began recording we managed to cover our favorite useful concepts such as the window of tolerance, the triangle of well-being, neural integration, neural wi-fi, co-regulation, FACES flow, pre-frontal cortex functions and we even slipped in a mention of the 9 domains of integration. This was all explored in the context of cultural and familial strain post-election. We want to send a very special and specific thank you to everyone who attended the event, and a huge shout out to all those brave enough to speak up, you were speaking for the group and your words were inspirational. Thank you! This podcast was recorded live at Austin In Connection's Friday February 3, 2017 Year of Conversation RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Steven Vasquez (Austin therapist and participant in podcast): Spiritually Transformative Therapy: Repairing Spiritual Damage and Facilitating Extreme Well-being * Dan Siegel and Marion Solomon: Healing Trauma: Attachment Mind Body and Brain * Dan Siegel: The Developing Mind Dr. Dan Siegel's core textbook on IPNB * Get Dan Siegel's introduction chapter PDF from the Developing Mind by visiting our podcast Episode 16 * Austin In Connection an Austin, Tx professional organization that brings information about relationships, parenting, and psychological well being to our professional community and to the public *  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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March 27, 2017
TU25: Ping-Pong vs Catch: Turning Communication from Competition to Connection
IN THIS EPISODE: Ping-pong vs Catch: Turning Communication from Competition to Connection Show Notes Enhancing Communication Learn how playing a good game of emotional pitch and catch can immediately improve your communications.   Sometimes hearing the words “Can we talk?!?” can fill you with anticipation and dread. And once we feel a bit of threat, it does not bode well for how that “talk” could end up despite our best intentions. Strategy To Improve Communication In today’s episode, we explore why and how this response happens and share strategies to help make these interactions more fulfilling. By visualizing the difference in two sports, Ping Pong and Catch, we help listeners conceptualize the body’s response to different listening states and “feel” their way to more open and engaging interactions. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Krista Tippett - On Being, audio of tables turned and Krista being interviewed for a change. * Krista Tippett - Becoming Wise, An Inquiry Into the Mystery and Art of Living * Steven Bergman - Men’s Psychological Development, A Relational Perspective * Stephen Mitchell - Hope and Dread in Psychoanalysis * It’s Not About the Nail - Humorous free short communication video training for couples * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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March 20, 2017
TU24: Grief And Our Body’s Wisdom On Surviving It With Candyce Ossefort-Russell
Grief: a natural process to heal the violation of loss.  Candyce Ossefort-Russell and co-hosts Ann Kelley and Patty Olwell discuss what grief is, how our culture views it and how to understand and help ourselves and others navigate the healing journey through mourning and loss.  What Is Grief? Grief is the natural healing process that we experience when our emotions and bodies are confronted with loss of an important person, relationship or role. Loss disregulates our nervous system and our self organization. The podcast describes how destabilizing this can be and how different the process can look from individual to individual. Our Cultures View Of Grief Our culture looks at grief as something to be cured rather than a natural healing process that needs to occur. And our discomfort with grief can often leave the person suffering the loss feeling isolated and cut off from relationships that could help them recover from their loss. How Can We Help Someone Suffering From Loss? Candyce discusses how unwavering fearless support from at least one important person while journeying through the grief process can be invaluable. The acceptance of the individuals process rather than trying to fix them or pathologize the way they are grieving should be the priority. Thanks to our interviewee Candyce Ossefort-Russell! www.candycecounseling.com   To get Your Grief is Your Own, a free e-book by Candyce that follows up on this podcast, go to: bit.ly/griefdownload RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Ossefort-Russell, C. (December, 2013). Grief Calls for Presence, Not Treatment: Using Attachment and IPNB to Shift Grief’s Context From Pathology to Acceptance. Journal ofInterpersonal Neurobiology Studies. Vol II, 2013. Journal of IPNB Studies, Vol II 2013 – Grief Article * Ossefort-Russell, C. (March, 2011). Individuals Grieve: AEDP as an Effective Approach for Grief as a Personal Process. In Transformance: The AEDP Journal, Issue 1(2). Transformance Article, Pub 03 2011 * Ossefort-Russell, C. (Spring, 2009). Working With Affect: Love (Mixed With Intuition) Is All You Need. In The Voice: Newsletter of the Austin Group Psychotherapy Society. Working With Affect 2009 * Ossefort, C. (Spring, 2003). On the Nature of Difficulty. In The Voice: Newsletter of the Austin Group Psychotherapy Society. Nature_of_Difficulty * Ossefort, C. (Spring, 2001). Bearing Witness to Inconsolable Suffering. In The Voice: Newsletter of the Austin Group Psychotherapy Society. Bearing_Witness *  These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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March 1, 2017
TU23: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr Kristin Neff
IN THIS EPISODE: Building Grit Through Self Compassion with Dr Kristin Neff Show Notes Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley interviews Dr. Kristen Neff, an Associate Professor at the University of Texas at Austin and a foremost author and expert in Self Compassion. Self compassion is fierce accountability that is core to psychological health… who knew?   Most of us think of it as being soft on yourself, but our guest will reveal the surprising power and science of self-compassion in this episode. Self Esteem vs Self Compassion This is not feel-good, la-la, therapy-talk, it’s real science. Learn the important distinction between these two concepts and how one can lead to psychological instability, self-criticism, stress, competition and difficulty within ourselves, our relationships and our culture. You really want to get this right and may be surprised! Treating yourself as your own best friend. Misperceptions of Self Compassion * It’s NOT a free pass, or being easy on yourself. * It can be “fierce” and “protective” and “motivating.” Science shows that the warmth and support of self-compassion promotes health and increases the chances of success in accomplishing goals, whereas negative self talk and kicking one’s own butt doesn’t work because it creates a system of threat and self-sabotage. Steps to Self Compassion  Dr. Neff outlines the three elements of self-compassion: * Mindfulness vs. Over identification:The first step is to be mindfully aware of ourselves and our emotions, but from a place of non-judgement. * Common Humanity vs Isolation: The second step is to recognize the common humanity in our feelings and behaviors rather than seeing ourselves as the “best” or the “worst.” Recognizing that pain is a normal part of human existence, as is suffering and personal inadequacy. * Self-kindness vs. Self-Judgment: Being kind to oneself rather than self-condemning, is at the core Self Compassion as an antidote to shame, the underpinning of narcissism Dr. Neff discusses research which highlights the increase in narcissism in our current culture. She highlights our culture’s tendency to be competitive and to place individual value as contingent on how we compare to those around us. This leaves us extremely vulnerability to the development of narcissism and other psychological difficulties. We discuss the importance of teaching self-compassion to our children and to maintaining an active, loving presence with oneself in order to build self-value without a need to downgrade or succeed over others. Self Compassion in our political climate Dr. Neff speaks frankly about her perceptions of the current political climate. She sees self and other compassion as essential to help our country deal with the discord and disharmony around us. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Kristen Neff: Self Compassion Step by Step, The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (Audio CD) * Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection * Karen Bluth, forward by Kristin Neff: The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens * Jean M Twenge and W. Keith Campbell: The Narcissism Epidemic Living in the Age of Entitlement * Kristen Neff:  (visit this it has tons of great resources including free mp3’s) * Self Compassion Test  *
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February 20, 2017
TU22: Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy
IN THIS EPISODE: Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy Show Notes Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Patty Olwell interview colleagues at the American Group Psychotherapy 2016 Association Annual Meeting in New York. They talk about why they love group therapy and why it is so valuable to their clients. We want to thank our interviewees for their help and insights. Interviewees for Love Letter To Group Psychotherapy * Tammy Brown - Austin TX tammybrowntherapy.com * Jamie Moran - San Francisco CA jamiemoran.com * Rita Drapkin - Indiana University of Pennsylvania (724)357-2621 * Pierre Choucroun - Austin TX Pierre M Choucroun on Psychology Today * Kelly Inselmann - Austin TX kellyinselmann.com * Liz Rosenblatt - Los Angeles CA Dr Elizabeth Rosenblatt on LAGPA RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Austin Group Psychotherapy Society: Organization that promotes group therapy and provides training for clinicians * American Group Psychotherapy Association:  National organization that promotes group therapy as a cost effective and clinical valuable treatment. * Psychodynamic Group Psychotherapy Scott Rutan Walter Stone and Joseph Shay. These are masters of group. Excellent text for therapists and others eager to learn about group. You can trust these authors. * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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February 13, 2017
TU21: Reduce Drama in Your Life – Unpack The Victim Perpetrator Rescuer In Us All
IN THIS EPISODE: Reduce Drama in Your Life - Unpack The Victim Perpetrator Rescuer In Us All Stephen Karpman, MD a psychiatrist working with Transactional Analysis under Erik Berne conceived the idea of this simple representation, now referred to as a drama triangle, or Karpman’s Triangle, to explain how we can sometimes get locked in rigid self-satisfying or self-punishing roles: Victim Perpetrator Rescuer that can impact our ability to live free and peaceful lives. In this podcast we explore not only how the roles impact our relationships with others but also the positive characteristics that we can move towards in each of these roles. Interplay Between Victim Perpetrator Rescuer Roles These natural roles don’t define us, but are more ego states we drop into under stress, often in response to someone else’s behavior. Someone in Victim-role can elicit the other person in a dyad to go into Recue-role and if you stay in a rigid Rescuer role long enough one can evoke your own or another’s Perpetrator and so on. The problem isn’t that we trend towards these corners of the triangles, it’s only when we get stuck in an extreme. The podcast describes how to get out of the role lock and move back into an integrated balanced state whereby you are in touch with the health of all three of these positions. Healthy Characteristics of Victim Perpetrator Rescuer Roles For example the health in the Perpetrator/Persecutor role, if it’s not extreme, is the capacity to stand up for oneself, have a voice, set boundaries, be assertive and hold people accountable. The health in the Rescue role is more obvious, because the compassion and warmth is visible. What it’s covering though is more interesting for this role, which can have a great deal of hidden aggression and lack of agency, and can be at the expense of the self. Health in the victim role is having the self-awareness to see one’s own vulnerability, and when combined with the other two sides of the triangle – assertiveness and compassion, you have a solid strong integrated state. So the goal is to stay out of rigid self-satisfying or self-defeating role locks and incorporate the disowned parts of you that may lie in the opposite corners of the triangle.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Karpman, S. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), 39-43 * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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February 1, 2017
TU20: Developing Racial Identity With Guests Rudy Lucas And Christine Schmidt
IN THIS EPISODE: Developing Racial Identity with Guests Rudy Lucas and Christine Schmidt Show Notes Guests Christine Schmidt and Rudy Lucas join co-hosts Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott in a wide-ranging discussion on racial identity just after the election. Privileged white people talking about race can be awkward – we discuss how our natural sense of safety is part of our privilege and letting ourselves step out and get uncomfortable is necessary to even begin to dig in and get the compassion, understanding and necessary context to be able to be useful in these times. The safety bubble has popped and it could not be more obvious given the current political climate of division that a shaking and awakening is necessary. What is Racial Identity Rudy and Christine walk us through some of the steps necessary to look at aspects of racial identity, both white and black. We discuss immunity by color, invisibility, access, race avoidance, colorism, recommended study and literature, history and context, and we barely scratched the surface with this conversation. This quote stands out because of it’s clarity and it’s importance! In response to question about reverse racism, Rudy responded: “There is no such thing as reverse racism, because the determining factor is access to power. Oppressed populations never have been known to have any kind of power sufficient to have their feelings thoughts and wishes codified into the law….” And he concluded -“People can be guilty of prejudice, discrimination, judgement… but racist they cannot be in the absence of power. “ Rudy Lucas Racism must have the weight of history and institutional power under it to exist.  Which is why those of us with history and the laws on our side can’t complain now that we are uncomfortable and see it as equal to an oppressed person's suffering. The conversation ranged and covered many topics but Christine and Rudy recommend as next steps that you view these two videos: Fusion Video-How Microagressions Are Like Mosquito Bites  Jay Smooth-How to Tell Someone They Sound Racist RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Janet Helms-Black and White Racial Identity: Theory Research and Practice * Peggy McIntosh- White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack * Paula Rothenburg-White Privilege: Essential Reading on the Other Side of Racism * Janet Helms and Donelda Cook-Using Race and Culture in Counseling and Psychotherapy  * Jay Smooth – cultural commentator check him out! Highly recommended. * Alice Walker- Anything We Love Can Be Saved  * Alice Walker-Hard Times Require Furious Dancing * William E. Cross-
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January 24, 2017
TU19: Increase Your Cool By Managing Your Ventral Vagal System
IN THIS EPISODE: Increase Your Cool By Managing Your Ventral Vagal System Show Notes In Part II of our exploration of polyvagal theory, with psychotherapists and co-hosts of this podcast, Ann Kelley, Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott we talk about strategies to help us engage our ventral vagal or social engagement system to calm our nervous system. We review how our nervous system appraises safety and danger. Then they discuss how to harness the knowledge and make it usable in real life. Polyvagal Theory Revisited Stephen Porges developed polyvagal theory, which explains our nervous system’s response to stress or danger. It describes a three part hierarchical system. The first, the ventral vagal is described in the podcast as a safety system or green zone. The second is activation. This is the sympathetic nervous system getting us ready for fight or flight. In the podcast described as an activated red zone. The third system is the dorsal vagal, which is immobilization or freeze. In the podcast described as an immobilized red zone. How Does Polyvagal Theory Work The theory describes how we assess stress or danger based on cues in the environment. If we begin to sense stress our sympathetic or activation system begins to kick in. Then we attempt to engage our ventral vegal or social engagement system (the green zone). If that doesn’t work, the threat persists or intensifies we employ our activation system. We get ready to take action. Our heart rate increases to prepare us for fight or flight. Then if the threat is too large or we can’t escape the system of last resort, the dorsal vegal takes over. How Understanding Polyvagal Theory Can Help Me Regulate Stress Today most of us are not chasing saber-toothed tigers through the jungle. So the stressors and dangers we face are often interpersonal. We can often because of our own personal histories misread the environmental cues. If we walk into a party and don’t see a familiar face our sympathetic nervous system can get activated. If we understand from polyvagal theory that we have a social engagement system and that engaging it will calm us down, we then have strategies that we can use. We can look for a friendly face and start a conversation. We can find someone we know at the party and make contact. This understanding gives us choices when we want to calm ourselves or help our children, partners or friends calm their nervous systems. Important Concepts Vagus Nerve – 10th cranial nerve and part of the parasympathetic nervous system. Has two branches and acts as a brake on the sympathetic nervous system. Ventral Vagal – The newer myelinated branch of the vagus that developed in mammals. Controls the social engagement system. Dorsal Vagal- More primitive unmyelinated branch of the vagus nerve. Acts as a Sympathetic Nervous System – part of the autonomic nervous system that controls activation. Parasympathetic Nervous System – part of the autonomic nervous system that inhibits the sympathetic nervous system Neuroception – Porges term that describes how our nervous system assesses whether people or places are safe, dangerous or life threatening RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Stephen W. Porges -The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!
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January 18, 2017
TU18: Polyvagal Theory: Understanding Irrational Threat Responses in Relationships
Unpack the science behind the polyvagal theory, with psychotherapists and co-hosts of this podcast, Ann Kelley, Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott as they explore how our nervous system appraises safety and danger. Then they discuss how to harness the knowledge and make it usable in real life. What Is Polyvagal Theory Stephen Porges developed polyvagal theory, which explains our nervous system’s response to stress or danger. It describes a three part hierarchical system. The first, the ventral vagal is described in the podcast as a safety system or green zone. The second is activation. This is the sympathetic nervous system getting us ready for fight or flight. In the podcast described as an activated red zone. The third system is the dorsal vagal, which is immobilization or freeze. In the podcast described as an immobilized red zone. How Does Polyvagal Theory Work The theory describes how we assess stress or danger based on cues in the environment. If we begin to sense stress our sympathetic or activation system begins to kick in. Then we attempt to engage our ventral vegal or social engagement system (the green zone). If that doesn’t work, the threat persists or intensifies we employ our activation system. We get ready to take action. Our heart rate increases to prepare us for fight or flight. Then if the threat is too large or we can’t escape the system of last resort, the dorsal vegal takes over. How Understanding Polyvagal Theory Can Help Me Regulate Stress Today most of us are not chasing saber-toothed tigers through the jungle. So the stressors and dangers we face are often interpersonal. We can often because of our own personal histories misread the environmental cues. If we walk into a party and don’t see a familiar face our sympathetic nervous system can get activated. If we understand from polyvagal theory that we have a social engagement system and that engaging it will calm us down, we then have strategies that we can use. We can look for a friendly face and start a conversation. We can find someone we know at the party and make contact. This understanding gives us choices when we want to calm ourselves or help our children, partners or friends calm their nervous systems. Important Concepts Vagus Nerve – 10th cranial nerve and part of the parasympathetic nervous system. Has two branches and acts as a brake on the sympathetic nervous system. Ventral Vagal - The newer myelinated branch of the vagus that developed in mammals. Controls the social engagement system. Dorsal Vagal- More primitive unmyelinated branch of the vagus nerve. Acts as a Sympathetic Nervous System – part of the autonomic nervous system that controls activation. Parasympathetic Nervous System – part of the autonomic nervous system that inhibits the sympathetic nervous system Neuroception – Porges term that describes how our nervous system assesses whether people or places are safe, dangerous or life threatening RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Stephen W. Porges -The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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January 11, 2017
TU17: The Biology of Motivation and Habits: Why We Drop the Ball
IN THIS EPISODE:  Biology of Motivation and Habits: Why We Drop the Ball Understanding Research Behind Motivation and Habits Even when it is so important to us, why is it that it’s so hard to follow through when we are trying to make or break habits? In this episode, we discuss research and biology around why it is so hard to change our patterns and stick to the goals we set for ourselves. How we view our goals significantly impacts how we behave and the decisions we make. In general, people tend to have elevated levels of motivation and aspirations when we are planning for a ‘new start’ or considering our future self. However, we tend to minimize the obstacles that will get in our way. In this episode, we discuss why ignoring these obstacles is a big factor to our “dropping the ball,” why we tend to do it, and how our brain “chunks” patterns of behavior into well-worn habits that require very minimal thinking and decision-making along the way. Our brains are highly trained to focus first on survival…not on our higher aspirational selves. Developing strategies to tune into your higher, value-driven self may be just what we need to help move out of automation and accomplish goals that are so important to ourselves. Learn about our neurochemical reward system, habituation and satiation systems so that you can hack your biology. Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online Facebook community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!  RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Jefferey M. Schwartz, M.D. & Rebecca Gladding, M.D. - You are Not Your Brain - The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking and Taking Control of Your Life. * Ann M. Graybiel & Kyle S. Smith (2014). - How the Brain Makes and Breaks Habits * Judith Wright - The Soft Addiction Solution: Break Free of the Seemingly Harmless Habits That Keep You From The Life You Want. * Charles Duhigg (2012) -The Neuroscience of Habits: How They From and How to Change Them * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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January 4, 2017
TU16: Inside The Mind Of Dr Dan Siegel: An Interview
IN THIS EPISODE: Inside the Mind of Dr. Dan Siegel Show Notes Interview with Dr Dan Siegel, the father of Interpersonal Neurobiology. Get a peak into his thoughts on hope in our fear-based culture today, human kind across history and using this science to make changes individually and as a society. Patty Olwell & Sue Marriott speak with Dan Siegel about the most recent finding in IN and his new book, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human (A New York Times Best Seller). Co-host Dr. Ann Kelley supports backstage for this episode. Dan Siegel discussed how the current political, international and climate crises could be viewed instead of doom, a chance to transform human connection. He called for us all to become pervasive leaders -- Pervasive Leadership characteristics : * Change your mental model of I and Thou. * Act locally; think holistically. * Enact empathetic stewardship Human history over time – Sapians – (see resource list). Homosapians have been killing their brothers and kin since the beginning of recorded time, so any current cultural unkindness is part of our hardwiring. We can rise above it, but first recognize it as human. Interpersonal neurobiology – coined by Dan Siegel in 1999 is a way of living and viewing the world with a set of principles that lead toward integration. Integration – combining distinct specialized functions that link and connect the specializations together, creating harmony. This is a view that can be utilized within one person and across couples, families, organizations and nations. In-group/Out-group discussion and Mindsight When a person is seen as the same, we have a natural resonance and empathy, if we feel safe we can extend that to those that appear Other. If we feel threat – even if we don’t know we are feeling it (nanoseconds of a threatening photo flashed, outside of our awareness) we respond strongly by turning off our empathy for the Out-group and turning up our response to the In-group. This is the explanation for what is happening here in the United States and Britain and many places around the world where genocides are occurring. Terror is driving this IN/OUT hostile behavior. With practice this can be changed. Say to yourself: My nervous system is making me treat the other person as an Out group member with more hostility, but that goes against my larger values of treating all human beings, all living beings with deep respect, as I would my In-group. We can rise above it. Rise above our brains initial proclivity towards bias and our mind to actively change how our brain ultimately carries out behavior – to be able to see the others mind and treat them as an in-group. Compassionately, fairly. Our leaders, people who run our country, organizations, educational institutions, clinicians, and people in positions to raise children… all have brains and minds that can overcome this biologic bias. We should see them as humans with limitations. Uninformed. They need safety to let down. FACES * Flexible * Adaptive * Coherent * Energetic * Stable MWE = me in a body + we in connection to others and the planet Eudaimonia – Greek term that means life filled by meaning and connection and equanimity not from producing and consuming junk Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!     RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode:
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December 13, 2016
TU15: Decoding The Science Of Interpersonal Neurobiology
IN THIS EPISODE: Unpacking The Science of Interpersonal Neurobiology Show Notes Unpack the complicated science behind the brain, the mind and secure relating with psychotherapists and co-hosts of this podcast, Ann Kelley, Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott as they break down the complicated subject of Interpersonal Neurobiology to make it usable in real life. Interpersonal neurobiology sounds complicated but it isn’t. Use this in business, families, civic organizations and couples. What Is Interpersonal Neurobiology It’s related to the mind, to the brain and to many different disciplines of science that come together and basically agree on a few things, which is in itself amazing, and it all move towards the idea of mental health and overall well being. IN (interpersonal neurobiology) is a term coined by Dan Siegel (see show notes for extensive referencing). Neural plasticity basically means it’s never too late, the brain inside your skull is ever-changing and affected by our daily practices. Neural plasticity is explained in some detail and is a point of hope in aging, brain injury, trauma, neglect, attachment injuries and relationships. Healing occurs by practice and work in compassionate social relationships. Besides brain biology which we went over in Therapist Uncensored Episode 2, where we emphasized the importance of the PFC (pre-frontal cortex) in empathic relating, IN picks up in how to stay connected to your PFC. Siegel talks about striving for FACES flow, which is an integrated neural state, integration being a primary point in IN. Important Concepts FACES flow – FLEXIBLE ACTIVE COHERENT ENERGETIC SECURE (pre-frontal cortex active!!) COAL to get to FACES – COAL is to relate to oneself in a CURIOUS, OPEN, ACCEPTING, and LOVING manner no matter what you are feeling. Cool off the mid-brain/limbic and move up to a more regulated calm place in the mind. Name it to tame it is a concept you’ll hear about to bring online neural aspects which will help you master feelings, bring in the pause, get you to and through COAL to FACES. Neurons that fire together wire together, Hebbs Law. For better or worse. Connect before you correct, parenting concept but also applicable in close relationships. Triangle of well-being,   MIND, BRAIN, RELATIONSHIP. Especially applicable to therapists. Mindsight – being able to see your own and others mind. Also called reflective function. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Dan Siegel-Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human New York Times Bestseller * Tara Brach-Radical Acceptance * Resource guide by Dr. Dan Siegel * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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November 21, 2016
TU14: How To Handle Post Election Tensions: Tips For The Holidays And Beyond
IN THIS EPISODE: How To Handle Post Election Tensions: Tips For The Holidays And Beyond You know the feeling you get when you find out that someone you know and like voted for the “wrong person” this past election? Ann Kelley, Patty Olwell and Sue Marriott discuss post-election tensions as they relate to family, neighbors and co-workers, and give tips on going home for the holidays. If you are losing your mind Applying concepts from IPNB (interpersonal neurobiology), hosts discuss getting a deeper understanding of the very big feelings that have emerged with the surprise election results. While we are all sick of talking and reading about the latest antics of the politicians, we cannot help but keep consuming and trying to process what is happening. We don’t discuss the election itself, but the fallout interpersonally. Threat response is the big news here; the body and brain/mind perceives danger from the opposite aisle. Understanding the nuance of what you are feeling and why is a key to emotional regulation. We are not advocating for you to just move on, and tamp down your feelings, but instead make suggestions for you to respond more effectively and deliberately. Rather than strangling someone... Empathy is easy for some when it’s the “right” group to empathize with but pretty hard when that group is the source of a perceived threat. Threat and the feeling of lack of safety are two tenants that are driving many voters – on both sides of the aisle. Naming it to tame it is a key concept for IPNB self-regulation, so getting more conscious and aware of the range of what is going on inside you will help you begin to direct it as constructively as possible so you can respond rather than simply react. Whether it’s being able to better understand yourself so you can more effectively and deliberately respond to a call for action, or to stop acting and denigrating one another so as to begin healing the divide, decoding and being conscious of automatic thoughts, righteous indignation, rage and hopelessness are key. In addition we talk about how to better manage someone else who may be in their own caveman black/white neural response circuit.   We try to avoid clichés of all getting along, and address the very real and sharp differences and how to even begin to find common ground (and why some people HATE hearing about a call for common ground). We hope the discussion will be useful no matter your political orientation to handle post election tensions in your relationships. RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Jefferey M. Schwartz, M.D. & Rebecca Gladding, M.D.- You are Not Your Brain - The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking and Taking Control of Your Life. * Ann M. Graybiel & Kyle S. Smith (2014).- How the Brain Makes and Breaks Habits * Judith Wright -The Soft Addiction Solution: Break Free of the Seemingly Harmless Habits That Keep You From The Life You Want. * Charles Duhigg (2012) -The Neuroscience of Habits: How They From and How to Change Them * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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November 4, 2016
TU13: Our Powerful Fascination With Narcissism In The Era Of Trump
IN THIS EPISODE:  Our Powerful Fascination With Narcissism In The Era Of Trump An in-depth discussion with Dr. Leonard Cruz and Dr. Steven Buser, editors of “A Clear and Present Danger: Narcissism in the Era of Donald Trump.” We are publishing this podcast just a few days before the United States selects their next President and at a time of historic national pain and divisiveness. Why narcissism? We discuss how one aspect of this election that has driven people to such passion is their draw toward or their aversion from some of the large personalities that continue to inflame our fascination and interest. This episode focuses not on the carnage that this election is inflicting on us as a society, but on finding some level of understanding on how we got here, and rekindling hope no matter what happens Nov 9. We cover how this is not about any individual candidate but more a reflection of the times. At Therapist Uncensored, a podcast dedicated to promoting security and connections between people, we recognize the importance of unpacking this cultural phenomenon from a level of depth and compassion.  We cover how, as a culture, we got here and what to do about it.  We look at it both from an individual standpoint – why are we drawn to narcissism in general and culturally, why in the US at this moment in time? Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Steven Buser and Leonard Cruz, Editors-A Clear and PresentDanger, Narcissism in the Age of Trump Wendy Terrie Behary LCSW,  Foreward by Daniel Siegel, MD- Disarming the Narcissist Asheville Jung Center Chiron Publications * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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November 1, 2016
TU12: If It’s Not Good For You, It’s Not Good for Us: Interview With Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin
IN THIS EPISODE: If It’s Not Good for You, It’s not Good for Us: Interview with Relationship Expert Stan Tatkin Show Notes Clinician, author, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute, Dr. Stan Tatkin teaches at UCLA, maintains a private practice in Southern California, and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author Wired for Dating, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships. Dr. Stan Tatkin is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as an advisory board member of Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Biology of Love Co-hosts Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley engage in a wide-ranging discussion with Dr. Stan Tatkin on the biology of love, connections and the practical things to do and not do in our most important relationships. We discuss the significance and power of primary relationships. Whether with a partner, a friend, or a sibling, a “primary” is the one you most turn toward to celebrate your special moments or to seek support during hard times. It is within these relationships that we build a 2-person security system that helps us tackle the world in a more secure and robust way. How To Prioritize The Relationship Dr. Stan Tatkin shares his vast knowledge of neurobiology and attachment to help us understand how to find, build and maintain safety and security in these relationships. Our discussion reaches far and wide, including how to vet a potential partner, ways to relate in a “fair and just” manner, and the importance of understanding and communicating your own value system with others. From monogamy to polyamory relationships, it is important to understand yourself more deeply and those that you bring into your life. Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!     RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Stan Tatkin-Wired for Dating, How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate Stan Tatkin:Your Brain on Love, the Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships PACT - www.thepactinstitute.com Stan Tatkin - Wired for Love * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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October 27, 2016
TU11: Gain Influence and Balance Power in Important Relationships
IN THIS EPISODE: Gain Influence and Balance Power in Important Relationships Show Notes Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!  Power dynamics are infused in all relationships, be it romantic, business, political, parent-child, friendships, etc. Most of us want important relationships where both parties feel a sense of mutual respect. While this can sometimes come naturally and with ease, when the balance of power gets off center, relationships can really suffer. Whether you find it difficult to have your voice, or you struggle to allow yourself to be influenced by others, patterns can develop that impede the safe connections that we generally desire. In this episode, we discuss the difference between exerting power through methods of fear and control and actually being naturally influential and powerful. We also cover being influenced versus giving in. Why is this important in Relationships? As we’ve discussed in prior podcasts, striving towards internal and relational security is what helps us be resilient when stressed, respond more flexibly to demands of life and enhance each other’s well-being. To function at our best, it is key to have a sense of mutual power and reciprocal influence and to know how to get to that point if it’s not there.  What can you do? It’s important to get in touch with whether you feel safe expressing yourself and/or whether you feel open to being influence by others. Do you fear speaking up will lead to the other’s withdrawal of affection? Do you fear that if you listen to your partner, you will feel controlled? These are examples discussed that indicate that an imbalance of power may be in play. Compliance with requests can backfire for the person getting their way! Be your right size – not bigger or smaller than you really are. Subscribe to our podcast via iTunes, Android or your favorite platform, and join our community by signing up for our email list today.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Dacher Keltner - The Power Paradox: How we gain and lose influence * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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October 11, 2016
TU10: The 7 Circuits of Emotion: What Animals Can Teach Us about Human Relating
IN THIS EPISODE: Show Notes Episode 10 The 7 Circuits of Emotion and What Animals Can Teach Us about Human Relating   Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!  Jaak Panksepp has identified 7 universal, cross-species circuits of emotion that can be located deep within the brain reliably in primates with neocortex functioning – besides humans, this includes rats, mice, guinea pigs, cats and of course larger primates.  These networks are not up in the higher cortex, so they don’t involve rational thought, they are in the hypothalamus and amygdala, the more basic security system of the mind. The 7 Basic Circuits of Emotion: SEEKING, PLAY, LUST, CARE – 4 reward circuits FEAR, PANIC/LOSS, RAGE – punishing circuits, most animals want to avoid these emotional reactions Why This Matters in Relationships Each circuit was discussed and the interaction of one circuit being activated turning on corresponding circuits of emotion in the other was highlighted.  For example distress signals are activated when one is separated from their pack (PANIC/LOSS) turns on the CARE network, drawing others to them in with intent to protect and nurture.  RAGE however, and this includes indignation and anger in humans, turns on the same circuit – anger begets anger. What You Can Do So for those wanting to be closer in their relationships, it is advised to get VULNERABLE, show your distress, feel your needs and you will get the love you are looking for naturally.  However get angry about not getting attention and you will get defensiveness and blame. So manipulate your close relationships into nurturing you by squeaking and expressing genuine vulnerability, they won’t be able to resist coming toward you with their hearts open. Get right with your squeak!!  It’s in our most basic instincts and this works powerfully! Join our email list at www.therapistuncensored.com to access our private online community supporting the dissemination of the relational sciences to support healthy connections and relationships around the world!   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode:   Jaak Panksepp - Affective Neuroscience Foundation of Emotions in Humans and Animals Louis Cozolino - Why Therapy Works Using our Minds to Change our Brains Joseph Ledoux - Anxious:  Using the Brain to Understand and Treat Anxiety * Dan Siegel – The Mindful Brain Reflections on Attunement and the Culture of Well-being * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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October 4, 2016
TU09: Minding Your Relationship: Three Mindfulness Exercises to Practice With Your Partner
IN THIS EPISODE: Episode 9: Minding Your Relationship: Three Mindfulness Exercises to Practice With Your Partner Show Notes We often stop really seeing and hearing our significant other, so mindfulness in your relationship is a key free resource to add spark and life. Instead of relying on who we think our partner is based on history, we learn to see them anew and get better at connecting without a ton of words. Learn what mindfulness is and the difference between meditation and mindful awareness practices. First Mindfulness Exercise Turn off the electronics and find a few minutes to give undivided attention to your partner (or child, or parent). Find something you haven’t noticed before and relay that, in exquisite detail, to your significant other. The brain is an anticipation machine, so getting it to slow down and see a familiar face with new eyes is not natural for grown-ups, yet that is exactly how to fall in love all over again, feel sexy, or rediscover the changing being in front of you. Ellen Langer has researched the impact of really noticing new things about our familiar loved ones and she found that the person receiving the mind-full attention views their partner as more trustworthy and honest. And that’s because they are – they are actually showing up! Second Mindfulness Exercise Take a few minutes to gaze into your partner’s eyes. This exercise leverages our biology to increase connection because extended gaze releases oxytocin, "the bonding hormone." This powerful hormone is released when mothers breast feed or when lovers have an orgasm, therefore this simple mindfulness exercise releases a hormone that fosters our most basic biological connections. Extended soft eye contact is the second mindfulness exercise described. Third Mindfulness Exercise Leverage that vagus nerve of yours (and theirs)! Upon coming home, embrace each other without talking and wait for that little relaxation that you feel when a baby relaxes against you. When you embrace your partner and allow yourself to silently remain belly to belly and be present in your body, you reset both of your nervous systems. Don’t let go until you both have let down, you’ll know it when it happens. Finally In conclusion, these three short simple mindfulness exercises help us break through those automatic assumptions about our partner and really see, hear and be with the actual live person, in the present moment. And believe us, THAT has a big pay-off in relationship satisfaction for both people.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Ellen Langer - The Power of Mindful Learning * Tara Brock - Finding True Refuge: Meditations for Difficult Times * Suzanne Midori Hanna- The Transparent Brain in Couples and Family Therapy * Stan Tatkin - Wired for Love * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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September 28, 2016
TU08: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What To Do About It
IN THIS EPISODE: Show Notes – Therapist Uncensored Episode 8: Understanding Emotional Triggers: Why Your Buttons Get Pushed and What to Do About It Excerpt:  Therapists explain the neuroscience behind emotional over-reactivity.  The term triggers has been co-opted by social media and teens to mean having big feelings, but “trigger” is originally an important psychodynamic term related to trauma. In this episode we discuss the neurobiology behind the experience of being triggered. The channel is right but the volume it too high. It occurs when we feel something stronger than we can understand.  Neurobiologically speaking, we are having an implicit memory.  Amygdala oriented instead of hippocampal oriented. We talk about the different kinds of trauma that can create triggers. We discuss implicit versus explicit memory and why it’s good to sort this out in relationships, and how we get in all kinds of trouble misattributing implicit memory to current situations. Is it LIVE or is it MEMOREX is an important question for relationships – is my reaction to you in this moment boosted by something that I’m not actually consciously remembering, which would explain why I’m over-reacting a bit?  It helps to get curious about that rather than accusatory. Investigate feelings with curiosity and care rather than righteously thinking feelings are facts. We look at how in a relationship the best approach is when we can step back and notice how our nervous system and the other person’s nervous system are reacting. Then we have the choice to go on the ride with them; get dysregulated or consciously use our more regulated state to gently nudge them back toward regulation. Concrete ideas to implement are discussed.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Marco Iacoboni - Mirroring People, The Science of Empathy and How We Connect with Others  * Steven Porges - The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation * Dan Siegel - The Mindful Brain Reflections on Attunement and the Culture of Well-being * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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September 19, 2016
TU07: What is Group Therapy and 5 Reasons You Should Try It
IN THIS EPISODE: Episode 7: What is Group Therapy and 5 Reasons You Should Try It Show Notes * Group therapy is often stereotyped and definitely overlooked as a way to deal with challenges in your life, this episode goes into this is a fun way * It offers a chance to experiment with real emotions and aspects of your life. * It helps you notice issues and habitual patterns in your life * You can try different responses and different behaviors in group that you might not feel comfortable doing in your everyday life and relationships. * The other people in the group can offer a variety of different views and perspectives to help you work through things. * You can say things honestly to others with the knowledge that everyone will return next week, and you can continue to work through difficulties. * Group provides you with a sense of community and belonging. It can really help with issues of social isolation. * Group can provide stability that is not always present in personal life. * Group is relatively low compared to other therapy, and it can last for longer.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Austin Group Psychotherapy Society: Organization that promotes group therapy and provides training for clinicians * American Group Psychotherapy Association:  National organization that promotes group therapy as a cost effective and clinical valuable treatment. * Psychodynamic Group Psychotherapy Scott Rutan Walter Stone and Joseph Shay. These are masters of group. Excellent text for therapists and others eager to learn about group. You can trust these authors. * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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September 8, 2016
TU06: How Attachment Impacts Adult Relationships (continued) Part 2: Attachment 102 Part 2
IN THIS EPISODE: Attachment 102 Show Notes Secure adult relationships are what we are shooting for, with ourself and with close others. Secure relating is connected to neural integration and road maps we have internalized from our childhood. The capacity for security is within all of us no matter our histories. * Even if we did not get security as a child, we can develop into it as an adult.Earned Secure – Dan Siegel  There are different types of security and insecurity, and we discuss it on a continuum where we all can relate to the different modes of relating rather than only using separate, distinct quadrants. This is an important point of these episodes so that we aren’t trying to categorize or diagnose anyone in particular but we are able to use the concepts to improve our relationships: * Avoidant/Dismissive is a kind of organized insecurity that deactivates and by-passes distress. While here, we unconsciously need attachment, but we often do not perceive or have difficulty expressing the need or desire for others. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I’ll give you something to cry about, Lone Ranger… * Anxious/Preoccupied attachment is a kind of organized insecurity where we have difficulty calming down after reaching distress. We are afraid of loss or abandonment – those who identify here can misread negativity into interactions and respond accordingly. * There is also another category from the research, called disorganized insecurity. This kind of insecurity has most to do with loss and trauma. This is healable and the brain and body can recover by working through whatever the trauma or loss may be. * see StanTatkin * A part of us is always able to relate in the optimal level and we can keep gaining insight and creating connections so we can deepen and grow the best part of ourselves. Special thanks to our guest psychotherapist, Traci Campbell   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Stan Tatkin – Wired for Love * John Bowlby – A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development * Mary Main, Mary Ainsworth both primary researchers with Bowlby. * Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview – Howard and Mirium Steele (followed Ainsworth interested in using attachment theory in therapy settings) * Steven Porges – The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation * Stan Tatkin, Your Brain on Love * Dan Siegel – Mindsight * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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September 8, 2016
TU05: How Attachment Impacts Adult Relationships: Attachment 101 Part 1
IN THIS EPISODE: Attachment 101 Show Notes Secure relationships are what we are shooting for, with ourself and with close others. Secure relating is connected to neural integration and road maps we have internalized from our childhood. The capacity for security is within all of us no matter our histories. * Even if we did not get security as a child, we can develop into it as an adult. Earned Secure – Dan Siegel  There are different types of security and insecurity, and we discuss it on a continuum where we all can relate to the different modes of relating rather than only using separate, distinct quadrants. This is an important point of these episodes so that we aren't trying to categorize or diagnose anyone in particular but we are able to use the concepts to improve our relationships: Attachment Styles * Avoidant/Dismissive is a kind of organized insecurity that deactivates and by-passes distress. While here, we unconsciously need attachment, but we often do not perceive or have difficulty expressing the need or desire for others. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I'll give you something to cry about, Lone Ranger... * Anxious/Preoccupied attachment is a kind of organized insecurity where we have difficulty calming down after reaching distress. We are afraid of loss or abandonment – those who identify here can misread negativity into interactions and respond accordingly. * There is also another category from the research, called disorganized insecurity. This kind of insecurity has most to do with loss and trauma. This is healable and the brain and body can recover by working through whatever the trauma or loss may be. * see StanTatkin * A part of us is always able to relate in the optimal level and we can keep gaining insight and creating connections so we can deepen and grow the best part of ourselves. Special thanks to our guest psychotherapist, Traci Campbell   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: Stan Tatkin – Wired for Love * John Bowlby – A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development * Mary Main, Mary Ainsworth both primary researchers with Bowlby. * Clinical Application of the Adult Attachment Interview - Howard and Mirium Steele (followed Ainsworth interested in using attachment theory in therapy settings) * Steven Porges - The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation * Stan Tatkin, Your Brain on Love * Dan Siegel - Mindsight * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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August 29, 2016
TU04: A Simple Technique to Reduce Stress and Worry: Mindful Awareness Practice in Action
 
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August 21, 2016
TU03: Different Sex Drives: Are We Screwed?
IN THIS EPISODE: Unequal Sexual Desire, Podcast Episode 3 of Therapist Uncensored Show Notes * Understanding sexuality, emotions and sexual desire in long-term relationships can help keep the fires burning and conflict - or drift - at bay. * Unequal desire is normal, but the most important part of a sexual relationship is the ability to communicate about it in a safe, unshaming way. At times unequal desire may be connected to the different way sexuality is experienced in our partner's body.   If this difference does exist and is misperceived, couples can often start believing that something is wrong with themselves or the relationship. This misperception alone can be a huge source of diminishing returns for sexuality and relationships. * The rule is variability - speaking in gendered terms is not our aim – but recognizing the differences in sex drives, sex roles and physiology can be useful. * Some people do not feel desire until they are stimulated. * It can help to start playing around with sexuality, keep genitals or goal of orgasm out of it * Interest + Obstacle = Desire - a little distance or space to feel your desire (Perel). * It can help to reevaluate the things that you and your partner want in sex. * What are their no-go’s? What are yours? * What are their “I haven’t, but maybe’s?” What are yours? * So, if no other point comes home, remember that what one believes, how they communicate that belief, and how safe they feel with differences has a tremendous impact on the vitality of sexuality!! Sleep naked and discuss sex, even if you are struggling having it! RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Jeff Lutes * Esther Perel – Mating in Captivity, lassic book on maintaining passion in long-term relationships * John Gottman – The Relaltionship Cure, practical advice for couples based in research * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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August 14, 2016
TU02: Brain Science 101: How Understanding Your Brain Can Improve Your Relationship
IN THIS EPISODE: Brain Science 101: How Understanding Your Brain Can Improve Your Relationships Show Notes * This episode offers a foundation for future episodes. This is key to understanding the relational brain so that you can use that information to help build secure relationships. * Everyone has security in them or the capacity for it, no matter what background you show up with * There are three specific structures that affect our sense of well-being * The prefrontal cortex - the front of the brain. * This is where we want to live in – it is our most mature, "adult" flexible self * If our lights are on here, we can be our best selves. We will be compassionate, be able to perspective take from other people's positions, and function more like the grown ups we mean to be * This works slower and needs more time to respond. It is a challenge especially if you have a rough or neglected history * The hippocampus * This modulates memory, and the autobiographical narrative of ourselves * For example, the more that we can remember our past and our future with each interaction, the more we can stay in the higher part of our mind (pre-frontal cortex – PFC). * The amygdala * This is primitive, more basic part of the mind and is physically lower in the brain * It is about assessing danger and threat. * This is your fight or flight, your guard dog, is at the level of mammalian interactions – fight flight flee (freeze) * It exaggerates and works really fast. * It’s not good at discerning things. It sees in black and white and is only out to protect the body. * When we perceive significant enough threat, our prefrontal cortex will turn down and our amygdala will increase in activation. * In this state, the amygdala will respond as if things are actually a threat (shark music plays). * Once our prefrontal cortex has time to perceive this, though, we can see nuance, differences, and diffuse threat. Goal is to get PFC back online, this takes time. * Suggestion: Two-sided walk if your amygdala is activated. * Walk as far as you want and feel angry and self-righteous. When you get tired and turn around, though, you have to spend the walk back considering the opposing perspective. This engages the PFC. * Brain plasticity. * Our brain structure is formed by patterns in behavior, but those patterns can be changed. * Knowing that your threat system is activated and seeing our own warning signs allows us to work against responding automatically. It gives us choice, responsiveness. * Practicing this can physically alter the structure of our brain in a way that permanently helps us.   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * Dan Siegel: * Mindsight – Dr. Siegel is a master and father of INPB (Interpersonal Neurobiology). If you are seriously interested in this field you must master his works. This book is in between clinicians and everyone else. His parenting books are great for everyone, his original text is highly technical and for clinicians, I recommend reading in a study group to absorb the goodness. * The Developing Mind – this is the one mentioned above, for clinicians. It is a must for INPB, and recommended to read in study group with other therapists for best application of these master ideas.
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August 7, 2016
TU01: Communication 101: Decoding Couples Communication
IN THIS EPISODE: Brain Health 101: How Understanding Your Brain Can Improve Your Relationships Show Notes * (IF VIEWING IN ITUNES - THERE IS AN ERROR THAT WE ARE WORKING ON TO STOP THIS LONG FEED.) * This episode is the first of a series of foundational pieces we will provide on relational science and building secure relationships. * It has a longer than usual monolouge at the beginning but then rolls into the normal 3-way conversation. Hey we are just figuring this stuff out. :) * Main concept – no matter what your history everyone has the capasity to grow secure relationships and improve their sense of security in themselves * There are three specific structures that affect our sense of well-being * The prefrontal cortex – functions described in detail * The hippocampus * The amygdala Suggestion: Two-sided walk if your amygdala is activated. * Walk as far as you want and feel angry and self-righteous. When you get ready and turn around, though, you have to spend the walk back considering the opposing perspective. This engages the PFC. * Brain plasticity - this is awesome news! * Our brain structure is formed by patterns in behavior, but those patterns can be changed. * Knowing that your threat system is activated and seeing our own warning signs allows us to work against responding automatically. It gives us choice, responsiveness. * Practicing can physically alter the structure of our brain in a way that permanently helps us. * Stay tunes for more episodes on attachment and how to build secure relationships   RESOURCES: Additional resources for this episode: * John Gottman * The Seven Principals to Making a Marriage Work... this is one of the basic foundational works from a researcher who is scientifically explaining misery and happiness. for everyone. * How to Make Love Last – Gottman. A more recent work by this research team. * This is another Gottman work, but this time on parenting. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child... for parents. * These and other resources have been collected for you on our Resources page!  
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